(Minghui.org) I had the mentality of showing off for a long time. Sometimes I was aware of it, but most of the time I didn't notice it because it had become a habit. Many practitioners have praised me in recent years, which heightened my mentality of showing off. Master has pointed it out to me in my dreams many times. The most recent one was very alarming.
When I joined the RTC platform, making phone calls to people in China, and first started talking to people about Falun Dafa and the persecution on the phone four years ago, I had several tests of my mentality of showing off. One practitioner asked me, “Have you ever been a radio show host? You speak so eloquently! You have a very clear voice and tone.” I told her that I hadn't, but I was very pleased to hear her compliments. Some other practitioners and their family members also praised my speech when I made phone calls to China and when we recorded new year greetings to Master.
Master told us,
“For a cultivator, all the frustrations he comes across among everyday people are trials, and all the compliments he receives are tests.” (“A Cultivator is Naturally Part of It” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Even though Master's words came to my mind when I was praised, I still felt great about myself when I heard the praise, and didn't pay much attention to my attachment. My indulgence left a loophole for the old forces to exploit.
I even read the Fa with a very clear tone during our group Fa study to show off. My attention was on my tone, not on the meaning of the Fa. It wasn't until much later that I realized this was a serious problem.
My attachment to showing off also manifested in other forms. Master alerted me in my dreams. I often had a recurring dream, in which I could levitate about 30 centimeters off the ground and float above the grass. I wished others could see me. In later dreams, I could float about two meters off the ground, and always wished others could see me fly. Eventually, I flew above the trees. I noticed some people walking by, so I thought, “Look at me! I'm flying!” I longed for their admiration and praise. However, none of them lifted their heads, which made me very disappointed.
Realizing after each dream that I had an attachment to showing off, I still failed to search my thoughts carefully for this mentality and eliminate it.
I had another dream about a year ago, which really hit home. A fellow practitioner said, “Everything you have done, and every word you have said had the attachment of showing off.” Another practitioner said, “I'm disgusted with you!”
This dream put me in deep thought. I realized that I hadn't done well for many years in eliminating my attachment to showing off. And yet other practitioners could tell this from my every word. I started to correct myself and treat my thoughts carefully. I realized that I always wanted to show off, especially when I did a few good deeds.
When we collected signatures on petition forms to stop the persecution, the number of signatures I collected was a little higher than others. My English is good, so that may have helped. But my mentality of showing off began to surface again. I thought, “Look at me. I've collected so many signatures!”
I realized that this was a bad thought, and suppressed it immediately. I then saw two practitioners showing off. One male practitioner was telling others proudly, “My boss has just signed the petition.” A few minutes later, a female practitioner bragged about her good fashion sense by telling others that she had bought pretty clothes. Reflecting upon myself, I had the same mentality of showing off.
I was once asked to train a practitioner on how to make truth-clarification phone calls to China. This practitioner had recently left China, and had already been talking to people about Falun Gong while she was in China.
I made a phone call, so that she could listen. I introduced myself as a Falun Gong practitioner first, and then told the person about Falun Gong. This practitioner pointed out, “You don't know the situation in China. You can't tell people you are a Falun Gong practitioner first. They will be too scared to listen to you. You have to help them quit the Chinese Communist Party first.”
Even though I thanked her for telling me, I still felt a little upset that I was being taught a lesson by a newcomer. I later found that my mentality of showing off had made me think that I was better than others. I thought I was more experienced, and she was supposed to follow my example.
Another time, I noticed an elderly practitioner was very good at conveying the situation about Falun Gong, but wasn't very confident when talking on the phone. I told her about my observation, and she realized that she had some obstacles to break through.
A few days later, I heard her talking on the phone again, but this time she sounded more confident. I planned to send her an email, and wrote, “Have you noticed you sound more confident when making phone calls these days?” Before I clicked on the “Send” button, I realized my mentality of showing off. I thought it was because of my conversation with her that she made the improvements. So I canceled my email right away.
I also found other manifestations of this mentality, such as interrupting others when they were speaking, and imposing my own opinions on others.