(Minghui.org) Greetings, revered Master. Greetings, fellow practitioners.
I was not planning to write an experience sharing paper, but during Fa study, a phrase by Master stood out for me: “This is what he said in his experience report” (Zhuan Falun). I thought I should share some of my cultivation experiences during the past several years.
My cultivation path is relatively smooth, does not involve major tests or tribulations, and consists of small things that I enlighten to on a regular basis.
Letting Go of Fear of People and Challenges
For a while, I was cultivating in partial solitude. I was clarifying the truth mostly via the Internet and had little contact with practitioners except for my husband and another elderly practitioner from Russia. “Cultivating in solitude” felt the most comfortable for me, but, in time, I slowly developed an attachment of “fear of people.”
I tried to avoid people, did not wish to get in touch with people, and felt that interacting with people was troublesome and that it disturbed my peace and quiet.
Two things happened to shake me out of this state. The first was relatively prolonged headaches that I came on while I was working on the computer. I could not figure out what caused them. I looked within and tried to find related articles on Minghui.
Somehow, my inner voice told me that I needed to at least temporarily move away from the computer, as I was probably absorbing bad messages. For a while, an illusion appeared to make me feel that turning on an air conditioner in the summer relieved the symptoms. Yet I told myself, “How can that be?”
Master said,
“A cultivator is bothered by neither heat nor cold. And wind can’t make you sick.” (Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Singapore)
Once I got away from working mainly on the computer, my chronic headaches disappeared completely. I think there were two reasons for them. One was that I needed to do more face-to-face truth clarification, and the other was the actual absorption of bad messages while clarifying the truth on the Internet. I also occasionally watched ordinary videos, so that was another reason.
The other thing that helped me were some remarks my fellow practitioners made. An elderly practitioner very gently asked me a rhetorical question, “Are you having little real-life interactions with people?” My heart was moved by her words, but I tried to justify the attachment and said, “Cultivators should not fear solitude, should they?” During a conflict with my husband, his words also hit upon my attachment. He said, “Do you know why you avoid people? It's because you fear rejection!” Again, the attachment was stirred, and I reacted with, “Why are you judging me?”
When I calmed down, I knew that I was in the wrong and was just defending the attachment. I also remembered that, during a large Fa study some time ago, another practitioner once looked in my direction and said something about our needing to actually go out to clarify the truth and not just work on projects from home. She said it with vigor and coughed afterwards. I thought to myself at the time that her coughing was probably related to some attachment of pursuit or maybe even judgment. Yet, I failed to look inward. Master told us that nothing happens to cultivators without a reason. There was a reason why I heard that remark, and it was directed at me.
I got back to working on making paper lotus flowers. When we first started driving around and distributing them in different neighborhoods, my husband said, “Wouldn’t it be better to give them to people directly?” I responded that there was nothing wrong with hanging lotus flowers on car doors, that it was like a little surprise, and that I myself preferred it when people passed on things to me this way, rather than confronting me directly. As I said those words, I coughed. During my cultivation, I've noticed many times that when my thought is not righteous, or I am speaking from attachments, I'll have a little cough.
After that, my cultivation changed completely. My husband and I (or sometimes just I alone) go to public places to do the exercises and hand out truth-clarification materials and lotus flowers in person. I feel more confident approaching people and no longer fear people, conflicts, or negative remarks.
Master said:
“Wandering around in society is rather torturous. It must beg for food and meet different kinds of people who will scold, insult, or take advantage of it. It might encounter all kinds of things.” (Zhuan Falun)
Engaging in Dafa Activities Outside Is Akin to Wandering Around in Society
Master arranged for a huge grocery store with many products from Russia to open near the entrance to our kibbutz. It is open late on weekends and holidays and attracts many predestined people. I go there to do the exercises and distribute lotus flowers and truth-clarification messages that I write by hand.
Russians are sometimes not very receptive to these materials, but I try to open my heart wide. Even when they say no, I ask them, “Maybe you'll take it anyway? It is good,” and they take it. I remind myself that what matters is the heart. Sometimes, when people decline to take a lotus flower, I tell them, “It is a gift and has an important message,” and they take it.
There is usually music playing at the entrance to the grocery store. Sometimes, it disturbs me, but at other times, I find that I forget about it when I do the exercises. Perhaps Master makes me not hear it. When I practice, I remind myself of three things. First is not to show off and validate myself while I am there. Second is to open my heart and fill it with compassion, and third is not to be moved by interference, be it loud music, unpleasant smells, car exhaust, or weather conditions. I am still working on it.
Master said, “Fill the heart with compassion.” (Falun Gong)
I once read an experience sharing paper by a practitioner who said that she clarifies the truth with a smile on her face and that it prompts her to smile more. So, for a while, I tried to smile more at people, but I felt like an actress putting on a show. I later realized that compassion has nothing to do with our facial expressions. It has to do with the purity of our hearts and intentions.
Master said,
“Some will say that shan is when you smile at someone and come across as kind and genial. Yet that only amounts to a human being displaying friendliness.”
“And that is what compassion means—not some intentional display, show of human preference for this or that, or an instantiation of, ‘If you're good to me, then I will be shan toward you.’” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference” in Teaching the Fa at the Conference IX)
Now when I approach people, I observe to see if I still have any fear of rejection, zealotry, or pursuit for results, or if I am rushing things when I talk.
Becoming a Parent and Conforming to Society
My husband (a fellow practitioner) and I have been married for about eight years. When we first met, I told him that if he wanted to be with me, our relationship would have to be pure in a sexual context. I told him that, since we were both mature practitioners, there was no need to do those ordinary people things, unless we decided to conceive a child. At that time, I felt that having children would interfere with both personal cultivation and saving sentient beings. My husband agreed to those conditions and decided to marry me, yet there were many tests and challenges with regard to this issue over the years. Nevertheless, things calmed down after a while, and now our relationship for the most part is harmonious and also pure in this regard.
When we first decided to try to have a baby, I used ordinary notions with regard to astrological compatibility, and we tried to avoid some months that I deemed “not auspicious.” A few years passed with no pregnancy.
We asked Master many times whether we should even continue trying, because we wanted to follow the course of nature and did not want to be interfered with by the demon of lust. Each time we tried to conceive, we first sat down to send forth righteous thoughts, completely cleaned our dimensional fields of emotions, and entered a calm state of mind. We did that each and every time. We reminded ourselves to remain as conscious as possible during the act and not be swayed in any way by lust or physical sensations. Not entering into the realm of lust was extremely important for me, and, for the most part, I felt that by doing it this way, we managed not to incur interference. During the time when either one of us felt that the other wanted “to try to conceive” while having impure thoughts or desires, we told each other to wait for a better time.
There were some years when we gave up the idea of having a child and felt that perhaps this was not something on our path, so we avoided sexual contact altogether.
During the last Fa conference, a practitioner shared his experience of using IVF to conceive. As I thought about it later, I suggested to my husband that we should try it. He responded that he absolutely did not want to validate this way of conception, which was imposed on humans by aliens. I was not sure myself if I wanted to do it.
We had a conflict, but after a few days of thinking, I dropped the idea. I reminded myself to follow the course of nature. A month later, I had a dream that I was dressing up a 5- or 6-year-old daughter. A month later, I got pregnant. Only when we no longer had any pursuit or any strong desire to have a child, got rid of the notions of “astrological compatibility,” and stuck to doing things the traditional way—only then were we given the chance to become parents.
Both of our families have pressured us to get a health care account so the baby can be born in a hospital. We’ve declined all those things with strong righteous thoughts. I am planning to give birth at home, in a traditional way.
Letting Go of the Mentality of Showing Off
For awhile, I've noticed that, in my mind, I often talk about myself, about what I've done, what I've realized, or what I've accomplished. As I observed those thoughts, I remembered what Master said:
“...absent is the attachment of reporting accomplishments with the mentality of ‘If I don't tell people, how will they know’” (“Mature” from The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol. III)
I am now trying to be more watchful each time I open my mouth to talk about myself, trying to observe if there are any traces of showing off in there.
I've noticed that, when practitioners share, the ones who speak first in trying to “resolve the issue,” help a fellow practitioner, or point out attachments, always have some trace of showing off. But the practitioner who speaks last always hits the nail on the head and is often more helpful. When I thought about it, I realized it was because the one who speaks last does not have a strong desire to show off and validate himself, so his words are more powerful.
When my husband would come home from work, I would often talk about myself, about my day, and what I'd done. I noticed that he would usually patiently listen to me. Now, I try to ask him how his day was, rather than talking so much about myself.
Letting Go of the Attachment to Hobbies, Beauty, and Color
For a few years, I've been making lotus flowers with beads on them. I got the idea of adding beaded designs to lotus flowers from observing Native American artwork. At first, it was fine. I created many beautiful designs, the lotus flowers looked quite attractive, and people were happy to receive them. Working with small beads required a lot of patience.
After a while, Master started to point out to me the words “hobby,” “color,” and “colorless” in Zhuan Falun. I enlightened that I probably should let go of my attachment to these things, because making those beaded patterns really had become a hobby. Sometimes, I saw people throw away the truth-clarification message on the lotus flower but keep the flower itself. I remembered that Master said we are here not to entertain people but to save them.
I also enlightened—at my level—that since beings at an extremely high level don't have bodies, they don't have an attachment to form, either. Having no body does not mean only having no desire for food or any type of physical activity, but also having no desire for a form itself. Doesn’t everyone enjoy looking at a beautiful form, a beautiful person, or a beautiful object? If I wish to reach a higher level, shouldn’t I drop the attachment to form itself? That, of course, also includes the attachment to beautiful designs and glittering and beautiful things.
Master said,
“In other dimensions, everything is dazzling to the eye, very beautiful and nice, all of which may lure your heart. Once you are moved by it, you might be interfered with and your gong will be messed up—it is usually this way.” (Zhuan Falun)
Now, I make simple lotus flowers with no beads on them. They may not look as dazzling from a human perspective, but I am sure they are no less powerful in saving sentient beings.
I am also watchful when I am attracted by beauty and whether I make comments in my mind if a certain person is dressed nicely or has a beautiful body. In my understanding, the attachment to lust in lower realms manifests as the desire for physical contact and touch, and in higher realms it manifest as the attraction and desire for form itself.
For a while, I've noticed that the color red annoys me. Our neighbors have a bright red plastic slide for their kids. Sometimes, I moved it aside if I were doing the exercises outside at night, so as not to be disturbed by the color. Later, my husband also shared that he finds the bright red color somewhat irritating and asked me to move away a sprinkler with a bright red cap. When I was studying the Fa, the word “red” stood out. When I looked at the Falun picture, I saw that it has quite a bit of red in it. Then, Master showed me this phrase:
“The Falun in these colors is relatively bright, and we use it as the symbol of Falun Dafa.” (Zhuan Falun)
Suddenly, bright red objects often started coming into my view. A neighbor would put out a bright red couch outside, or a bright red child’s toilet seat came my way.
I realized that letting go of the attachment to color is not done by trying to avoid looking at the color, but by not being moved when seeing a certain color. Whatever my eyes see should not move the heart, and I should not deliberately change the outside world or avoid something so as not to be moved by it.
These are a few things I've enlightened to at my level. I still have many attachments to remove. My mind is still not peaceful at times; I sleep too much, especially when having sickness karma symptoms; I still fight over self-interest, and I don't always cultivate my speech. I am still attached to comfort and the pleasures of ordinary people, especially when it comes to food; I still have human emotions, and my endurance is not very great. When enduring suffering, I still slip into the attachment of blaming and complaining.
Please kindly point out anything not on the Fa.
Category: Improving Oneself
