(Minghui.org) When I first learned Falun Dafa, I did not have a complete and clear understanding of qing, or sentimentality. The more I focused on my feelings and my personal opinions, the more I was mired in everyday people's logic and values, and the more trouble I got myself into.
Some recent incidents woke me up. They also revealed to me the majestic, peaceful, and harmonious state of mind I could attain once I let go of my qing and self.
Domestic Crisis
My mother-in-law stayed at my home for a few days when her house was being renovated. One morning, before my husband went to work, he chatted with her in the living room. I noticed a quilt spread out on a sofa and went to fold it up.
My husband scolded me, “Look how much free time you have all day long! I laid it there to dry, and you have to come fold it up and leave so many other household chores unattended.”
This outburst from my husband embarrassed and hurt me deeply. I didn’t realize that his mean sarcasm in front of my mother-in-law was a test for me.
“I didn't know you were drying this quilt,” I said. “I'm usually the one who folds it up and puts it away because you forget to do it.” He was infuriated and began to attack me with vulgar language.
I held my temper and tried to reason with him, which further aggravated him. He jumped up right in my face, pointed at me, and threatened, “One more word from you...” I understood that he would hit me if I dared to say another word. I had learned from experience not to irritate him further and blow up the issue, so I backed off.
The strong feeling that I was wronged made me speak out again. He jumped up and again threatened me. “One more word...”
I retreated again but could not suppress my strong feelings, and the same thing happened a third time. Finally, he told me to leave, threatened me with divorce, and left for work.
My dignity and self-esteem were badly hurt. The idea of a happy family and a reliable husband seemed like a myth. It seemed that I could no longer rely on anyone but myself. I cried for hours.
When I calmed down, I asked myself, “As a veteran practitioner, how can I let the situation get out of hand like this? I thought I was good at enduring all kinds of things. What happened today?”
I was very regretful and upset at myself. I realized that my endurance was based on the qing between husband and wife. I thought that, because my husband had a bad temper, I should endure more in order to hold the family together. I realized that my cultivation remained at a superficial level.
After this happened, I was able to let go, to a certain degree, of the qing that had kept me down in my cultivation. I started to treat my husband well without expecting anything in return. I could better understand what Master taught us:
“If this qing is not relinquished, you will be unable to cultivate. If you break free from this qing, nobody can affect you. An everyday person’s mind will be unable to sway you. What comes and replaces it is benevolence, which is a nobler thing. Of course, it is not easy to cut off this qing right away. Cultivation is a long process and a process of gradually giving up your attachments. Nonetheless, you must be strict with yourself.” (Zhuan Falun)
This test was a turning point in my cultivation. In later tests in similar situations, I was clear-minded, able to break free from qing, and uphold my xinxing. I did not attempt to explain myself at all, and the seemingly impossible situations dissolved quickly.
Conflicts with Practitioners
Another incident involved practitioners. I had been working on a project with a certain practitioner when a second practitioner talked about me with the practitioner I was working with and raised concerns about my way of doing things. The first practitioner then asked me about it, fearing that my actions were not in line with the Fa and with the hope I could correct myself.
When I heard what the second practitioner said about me, it was actually the opposite of the actual situation. Some practitioners had passed along erroneous statements. This angered me.
“That is a totally false accusation,” I thought to myself. “How can they do this to me?” My emotions and thoughts were focused on the right and wrong of this isolated matter, which is on a superficial level. I had to suppress my rancor and other negative thoughts about the second practitioner through force of will.
Eventually, I asked myself, “What are the attachments that the old forces are targeting in me that are making such trouble among practitioners? Is it the attachment to vanity and fame? Is it the fear of gossip and misrepresentation of myself? Is it that I hate conflicts and, when conflicts arise, I tend to dig into a bull's horn and make a simple issue much more complicated than it really is?”
I attributed the root cause to be my attachment to self. If it had not been that practitioner, another practitioner would have brought up this conflict. I decided to focus on my own attachments rather than on my feelings about that practitioner.
I thought to myself, “As a practitioner, how can I improve if I hate or fear conflicts? If I cannot let go of self and keep being swayed by human emotions, I will never reach a practitioner's standard.” I realized the solemnness of cultivation and seriousness of getting rid of attachments. I started to examine my own thoughts rather than look at shortcomings of others.
Once I decided to let go of self, it naturally occurred to me that all beings in this world are enduring hardships one way or another, yet they all came to the three realms for the Fa; we should cherish and support one another.
From then on, I did not treat others with pre-formed notions or rancor. Instead, I would strive to change myself. When I could put myself in others' shoes and think from their perspectives, I was could remain calm, relaxed, and happy.
Treating Family with Compassion, Not Human Notions
My sister and brother are respectful and supportive of each other most of the time. When the whole family gathers at the Chinese New Year dinner at my mother's, however, they fight over little things. My mother and I would have to calm them down or hold them back from fighting. I could not help but get emotionally involved, and I felt sad for both them and my mother.
This year, I was not present at the New Year's family dinner. My son told me that they started fighting again as we were playing cards after dinner. When I heard this, I was again worried about my mother's health. I blamed my siblings for the chaos they caused at family gatherings.
A few days later, my mother visited me. She said that my brother and sister had returned to normal and that I should not worry. I suddenly realized that their fighting was due to karma. Their karma diminished a little each time they fought with each other.
Their lives were pre-arranged based on their karma, and there was little they could do as ordinary people. This was also a test of my own attachments. Unfortunately, I had acted as though I was an onlooker and outsider. I judged the behavior of my siblings based on my human notions.
Looking inside, I knew I was controlled by qing and human notions. I lived my life among ordinary people and thought like an ordinary person. I completely forgot the real purpose of a practitioner and that even ordinary people came to this world from higher cosmic levels.
My brother called recently and told me that my mother's house had been burglarized. The door was pried open and, in the cold weather, the water pipes broke. I pictured my mother, in her 80's, sitting in the middle of the mess and suffering.
I felt sad and worried. As I was about to follow along with those feelings, it dawned on me: “If my mother’s suffering is due to her karma, isn't it a good thing? Why am I worried and sad about it?”
I felt relieved and did not hold any resentment against the thief at all. On the contrary, the thief was a sentient being and deserved to be treated with compassion.
Dafa has helped me break free of qing and various human emotions. Dafa taught me to view things from a cultivator's perspective. I can now treat everyone with a calm mind, wisdom, and compassion.
Category: Improving Oneself
