(Minghui.org) Most of my cultivation tests have been about sentimentality this year. Attachments that were rooted in sentimentality were slowing me down. As a result, I had been depressed for some time, and my cultivation had been stagnating.
My husband recently attended his university's class reunion and reconnected with a woman who was infatuated with him 30 years ago. Although they are both married, they were very excited when they met. They had photos taken of themselves together and began regularly talking over the Internet. I began to feel that their interactions were more than just friendly.
My husband and I loved and trusted each other. I could not accept his behavior and I accused him of betraying our marriage, which he denied. He claimed that he had not done anything wrong, although he might have said something inappropriate, and he promised that he would no longer contact her.
I was so jealous that I could not let it go. I even threatened to divorce him. He said that I was being unreasonable and that my behavior might be due to menopause. We fought a lot until finally my son began to remind me to be truthful, compassionate and tolerant. I refused to listen. One day I became so angry that I threw my husband’s cell phone and broke it. Our home became a battle zone. I did not realize that the situation had unfolded so that I could eliminate my attachment to sentimentality.
Master said:
In cultivation practice one needs to eliminate karma, and that is painful. How can one increase gong comfortably? How can one otherwise remove one’s attachments? (Lecture Six in Zhuan Falun)
Master also said:
Why do you encounter these problems? They are all caused by your own karma. We have already eliminated for you many, numerous pieces of it, leaving only that tiny bit which is divided into tribulations at different levels for upgrading your xinxing, tempering your mind, and removing your different attachments. These are all your own tribulations that we use to improve your xinxing, and you will be able to overcome them. As long as you upgrade your xinxing, you can overcome them.” (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun)
I grew up in a kind and loving family and had not suffered any hardships. Since I came to Australia 20 years ago, my life had been quiet and peaceful. After this incident, I felt lost and helpless. My mind was filled with human notions, and I pointed fingers at my husband. I was obsessed with the once loving relationship with my husband. I wasn't even interested in doing the three things. As a result, I was taken advantage by the old forces.
Master said:
But in reality, what human society takes to be truths are, from the perspective of the cosmos, inversions of truth; when humans go through hardship and suffer it is so that they may pay off karma and thereby have happiness in the future. A cultivator thus needs to cultivate by correct and upright truths. Going through hardship and suffering is an outstanding opportunity to remove karma, be cleansed of sin, purify the body, elevate your plane of thought, and rise in level—it’s an extraordinarily good thing. This is a correct and upright Fa-truth. But as cultivation is lived out, when the suffering bears down on you and conflicts come up that hit upon the deepest part of you—and especially when it rattles the rigid notions you have—the test is really hard to pass. It can even be to the point that you know full well it’s a test but still can’t let go of your attachments.” (“The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be” in The Essentials of Diligent Progress, Vol. III)
I knew that I needed to let go of my attachments, but I couldn't.
Soon afterward, the local Shen Yun promotion started. To do a better job saving people, I decided to read one Lecture of Zhuan Falun and do the five sets of exercises every day. When I sent righteous thoughts, I asked Master to strengthen me and help me let go of sentimentality.
I also discussed my situation with practitioners who have good understandings of the Fa. I realized that cultivation is a serious matter, and I must look at situations with righteous thoughts. The conflict with my husband had happened so I could eliminate my attachments. I realized that this was a trap the old forces had set up to destroy me using sentimentality. In the end, I would not fulfill my responsibility to save people. I should not fall into their trap. I had to step out of it.
For three months, I promoted Shen Yun in a mall and sold tickets five or six days a week. As soon as I walked out the door, I put all worry about my marriage aside so that I could sell tickets with a pure mind. When it wasn't busy, I recited “Lunyu”. This greatly helped me focus. Gradually, I stopped being depressed, had stronger righteous thoughts, and I became clear about the responsibilities we Dafa practitioners have. I realized that my husband was also a person to be saved. I cannot push him away.
I also encouraged my son to listen to Master’s lectures, and consequently he is no longer depressed. My relationship with my husband has improved, and I no longer worry about minor problems. I let nature take its course.
I started participating in a project to clarify the truth to law enforcement officials in China in March 2016 to help get the wrongfully imprisoned practitioners released. It's a great cultivation opportunity to talk to people on the phone about Falun Dafa. Within six months, many of my attachments were exposed, especially my resentment and desire to win every argument.
I thought that I was being brave. In reality, I wanted to overpower the people at the receiving end so they would listen to me and accept whatever I had to say. I didn’t realize that I lacked the compassion of a Dafa practitioner. Even though I somehow managed to convince people, I didn’t take what I was doing seriously.
I called my mother in China one day in August. After a few words, my mom changed the topic. She sighed, “You are the least successful in our family. All you do is go against the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), China and the family. Why?” I was dumbfounded.
My mother is a kind person, but she's afraid of getting into trouble. She cannot accept the fact that I cannot return to China. I previously talked to my parents about the persecution, and they had listened to Master’s lectures. They knew that Falun Dafa is good. How could they say something like that? My resentment and desire to win surfaced. I yelled at my mother, “How can you be so muddle-headed with no sense of justice? How can you believe in the CCP? You're also a victim, but you haven't woken up!”
I didn’t think about her feelings. She was just afraid of getting into trouble after having experienced so many political campaigns in China. She was just worried about me. She was so intimidated by me that she hung up the phone.
My sister then told me that my mother had a heart attack the next day. My mother looked very sick during our video call, but she did not look at me. My father who used to dote on me was angry with me. I felt so bad. After I put the phone down, I thought, this isn't right. They were not like my parents. This must be some interference, and I should eliminate it. I need to look inward to see if I had any loopholes in my cultivation.
I then found it – it was my resentment. I had resentment against my family members, my fellow practitioners, even my friends who are ordinary people. There was a field of resentment around me. I decided to eliminate it. With everything I did, I kept reminding myself that I should be more tolerant, and I tried to eliminate this resentment when I sent righteous thoughts. It helped a lot.
It was the Mid-Autumn festival two weeks later. I didn't want to call my parents but knew I should. When I reluctantly phoned, my father answered. He was very happy to hear from me. He asked if I had any moon cakes, and my mother was happy to hear from me and asked me a lot of questions. It was as if nothing had happened!
I knew that I was experiencing Master’s compassion. He helped dissolved the negative attachments because I wanted to improve. My parents’ kind-hearted natures reemerged.
My parents are also people whom I need to save. The unexpected changes in them made me realize that every one of my thoughts affects whether or not they can be saved. It is the same for the law enforcement officials in China. To save them, I need to have righteous thoughts and eliminate any interfering thoughts.
Through these experiences I realized the importance of studying the Fa. When I can’t concentrate on studying the Fa, I listen to Master’s lectures. This has helped me a lot.
Category: Improving Oneself
