(Minghui.org) Since I started practicing Falun Gong in 1997, there have been times when I was diligent and also times when I was lax. Once I became quite lost in the human world, particularly after my mother died as a result of the persecution and I felt a sense of emptiness.
I had many attachments. Due to my attachment to sentimentality, I divorced. Because of my pursuit of money, I lost my job and lost everything when my business failed. When I had human attachments to do a Dafa project, I was persecuted multiple times.
Under Master's protection and assistance from fellow practitioners, I returned to Dafa cultivation even though it was an extremely bumpy path. Here is my cultivation experience of how I returned to cultivation.
Since I was young, I was always taller than others but my body was worse than everyone. I would come down with a fever and the flu when everyone else was all right, and I had to be put on an intravenous before I could recover.
My mom later told me that when I was born, I came 40 days late. By that time, the placenta had already rotted, and my skin had turned gray. Doctors said that I couldn't survive but my mom was determined for me to live. Though I managed to survive, I was always sickly. I had rhinitis and sinusitis which affected my throat.
When vacations arrived, my family would take me afar and spend lots of money looking for doctors, going to temples, and even looking for qigong masters but nothing could cure my illnesses.
When I was 15, people in our village who practiced Falun Gong told my grandfather that the practice could cure illness and keep one fit. He helped us ask for a set of books and told my mom to take me to learn the exercises. This was how my mom and I started our cultivation journey back in 1997.
When we first went to the practice site, everyone was either an elderly or middle-aged person and I was the only child. I did not understand anything when they talked about cultivation, gong levels, and xinxing. Despite this, I continued to be interested and believe in the practice. After I read the book, I slowly came to understand things about cultivation, upgrading xinxing, and how to be a good person.
My mom and I went to the practice site every day. Not long after, I started vomiting and had diarrhea and nosebleeds. I know Master was cleansing my body and looking after me. I was very happy and did not take any medicine. This lasted for a few days. I became healthier and no longer needed to go to the hospital.
My mother's gynecological diseases were also cured in a short time after practicing Dafa. When other family members saw the changes in us, they believed in Dafa and some of them even started practicing it.
Every Dafa disciple knows that the Fa-rectification period was supposed to end long ago but Master extended the time. I understand there are two reasons for this.
First, the number of people that Dafa disciples should save had yet to reach the number that Master wants.
Secondly, there are many Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples who have not stepped forward to complete their missions. There are even some who became lost in the human world and had yet to return. I was one of the latter.
In early 2009, my daughter was just one month old when my mom and I were arrested while we were making truth-clarification materials. I was tortured, tied to an iron chair, and interrogated.
As I did not study much Fa, I had many human attachments. After the police threatened me, I cooperated with them as I was frightened and missed my wife and daughter. However, I was still sent to the detention center while my mom was sent to the Women's Detention Center.
Inside the detention center, the old forces caused many extremely itchy red rashes to appear on my back and stomach when I no longer had any righteous thoughts. The rashes later became blisters and I started scratching them which made them worse. My skin putrefied and I began to use the medication that my family sent me.
I was released after nine months while my mom was still in the detention center.
Two months later, the detention center told us that my mom was sent to the hospital as she was sick. When my dad and I went to the hospital to visit her, we saw that she was very weak and curled up on the bed. A few days later, the hospital told us to take my mother home and she passed away shortly after. I was 27.
It was a great blow to me when my mom passed away. I couldn't accept it and often felt that my mom was still around except that she was not by my side. As my mom had always studied the Fa with me, I stopped studying after she left.
Other than going to work and returning home to care for my child, I was no longer interested in anything. My wife, who is a non-practitioner and only understood the facts about Dafa, felt that I didn't treat her well.
We often quarreled, and she later had an affair. I was very attached to our relationship and couldn't accept this. I quarreled with her every day before we divorced.
I started smoking and drinking after the divorce. I refused to listen when my relatives who are practitioners came to advise me. At that time, I was not a cultivator anymore and my mind was completely filled with ordinary people's thoughts.
To raise my daughter--I had sole custody--and also because my ex-wife had an affair with a boss, I wanted to earn a lot of money to prove my worth. I quit my job and used all my savings to start a business. I even borrowed from my relatives and friends.
I'd never had my own business before, did not know how to run it, and lost everything. I felt that heaven was unfair to me. I let myself go completely. I smoked and drank every day and went to bars at night, returning home after midnight.
Nothing filled the emptiness inside me. I often returned home drunk and threw up into the night. I cried as I threw up and felt the pain in my heart. I wondered what had happened to me. This was not how I wanted to live.
I recalled the past few years when I was a failure. The only time I was the happiest was when I cultivated with other practitioners. I felt that cultivating Dafa was better, that was what I wanted, and also the path I should walk. I struggled with my thoughts for a period of time but, with guidance and assistance from other practitioners, I decided to return to cultivation.
It was not that easy to return. The time that I planned to study the Fa was always interrupted, and for two months, I could not pick up the Dafa books that were at my bedside.
I know the old forces were interfering with me and did not want me to return. I refused to fall into their trap and started listening to Master's audio recordings when I was at home.
Gradually, I had righteous thoughts after listening to Master's lectures and could pick up the books to read.
I took me two months to read all of Master's lectures and regain an understanding of things. I regretted that I had not studied the Fa well in the past, did not have righteous thoughts during tribulations, and forgot that I was a cultivator.
There was so much I regretted—cooperating with the evil, walking the path arranged by the old forces, not studying the Fa after being released from the detention center, taking a detour, and not listening to practitioners' advice. I had wasted so much time.
Not long after I started studying the Fa again, Master once again cleansed my body and gave me hints in my dreams. I knew that Master did not give up on me although I had done many wrong things. I decided I had to seize the time and be diligent. I could not miss this rare opportunity nor disappoint Master.
In 2015, I was arrested for filing a criminal complaint against Jiang Zemin and held in a detention center for 23 days.
I was arrested again in early 2016. The police destroyed my material production site and confiscated many printers, a laptop, a disc burner, and many materials. I was taken to a hotel, and two layabouts were hired to monitor me while I was tied to an iron chair.
On the first day, two young policemen came to the hotel and said they were responsible for watching me. They told the two monitors to leave the room. Once they left, the police started interrogating me.
I refused to say anything or cooperate with them. I calmly told them I would not reply to their questions, not even my name and age since they already knew that.
When they asked why I refused, I said, “My Master said, ‘No matter what the situation, do not cooperate with the evil’s demands, orders, or what it instigates.'” (“Dafa Disciples’ Righteous Thoughts are Powerful” in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
They demeanded, “Who is evil?”
I replied, “Those who persecute Dafa and Dafa disciples are evil.”
They started saying things that were disrespectful to Master and Dafa after I refused to say anything. I know that they were being controlled by evil and quietly sent righteous thoughts in my heart. They left a few hours later. The two monitors came in again. They watched the television while I sent righteous thoughts and recited the Fa and Hong Yin.
I was always tied to the chair except when they let me go to the restroom. I was even made to sit on the chair and eat and also sleep on it while the two watchdogs slept on beds.
Because I couldn't sleep, I started recalling Master's Fa about Dafa disciples being persecuted. I remembered that it is because of human attachments and notions that I was persecuted.
This time, it looked like I was being persecuted for producing Dafa truth-clarification materials, but it was actually because of my attachments and loopholes. I had to find the loopholes, understand my mistakes, and change them so that the old forces would no longer find fault with me.
I finally fell asleep at midnight and dreamed that a large bamboo basket filled with white worms appeared before me. That woke me up.
Master said,
“The old forces wouldn’t venture to directly persecute Dafa disciples at present—none of the larger beings that assume a form would venture to do that. Then what sorts of things are doing that now? Things like worms, bugs, bacteria, and all kinds of foul things like that. Sending righteous thoughts is extremely effective in these cases!” (“Fa Teaching at the 2015 West Coast Fa Conference”)
I enlightened that Master had purposely shown me this dream to tell me that these worms caused the persecution this time and that it was very easy to pass this test as long as I sent forth righteous thoughts. Thus, I focused on eliminating them each time I sent forth righteous thoughts.
The two policemen came the next day and interrogated me again, but I refused to answer. They asked why I would not answer them.
“My Master said, ‘No matter what the situation, do not cooperate with the evil’s demands, orders, or what it instigates,'” I said. (“Dafa Disciples’ Righteous Thoughts are Powerful” in Essentials for Further Advancement II) “You are persecuting a Dafa disciple and doing the most evil thing,” I said. “If I cooperated with you, your sin would be greater. That's why I will not say anything.”
They started slandering Dafa while I quietly sent forth righteous thoughts in my mind. They left shortly after.
I then continued to send forth righteous thoughts, recite the Fa, and look within. I found that I had an attachment that I had never eliminated—an attachment to lust. I thought that the old forces must have used this loophole to persecute me.
When I was sleeping, I dreamed of two couples in a room engaged in sexual behavior. I woke up and understood that the issue was because I did not let go of my attachment to lust.
I was happy and sad at the same time. I was happy that Master was still giving me hints when I'm being persecuted and sad that I did not eliminate this attachment after so long. This caused me to be persecuted and also made Master worry about me.
I told Master, “I'm sorry, Master. I have disappointed you. I was wrong. I will definitely remove the attachment to lust this time. I will definitely cultivate better.”
Then, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the lust demons in my dimension. After I had straightened out all these, I suddenly felt lighter.
Although I was still detained I now knew the reason I was persecuted and how to resolve it. I believed that as long as I followed Master's teachings to look within, find my loopholes, and cultivate away my shortcomings, the persecution would quickly disintegrate.
I no longer thought of anything nor felt afraid. I focused on reciting the Fa and sending forth righteous thoughts and could feel that my righteous thoughts became stronger.
Five days later, several police officers came and put heavy shackles on my feet. The chief of police said, “We'll put more pressure on you if you still refuse to speak. These will be removed when you start talking.”
I was not moved by this. I thought, “You are doing this to increase the pressure on me and wait for me to give in. I won't fall into your trap this time. I must be firm in my righteous thoughts and not be moved.” I continued to recite the Fa and send forth righteous thoughts after they left.
The two young policemen continued to interrogate me every day. Though I was wearing shackles, I showed no signs of stress and remained calm, still refusing to say anything.
They changed from a hard to a soft approach. The chief came every day to chat with me about life, ideas, society, and reality, while I told him about Dafa and organ harvesting. He then tried to use my feelings for my family to move me. He said that my daughter was still young and would be very sad if I was arrested. I knew that my daughter was a Dafa disciple. Master would arrange everything and I was not moved.
When the chief saw that his words had no effect on me, he said, “I can't persuade you, so I'll tell your dad and daughter to come and talk to you.”
I knew he was still trying to use sentimentality to move me. I smiled and said, “You don't have to ask them to come. I still won't say anything if you ask my grandfather to come. I'll only listen to my Master and no one else.”
He left and never returned after seeing how determined I was.
The two policemen still came every day but no longer asked me anything. They started playing with their cell phones and took naps in the afternoon. I know that they did not understand the truth so I told them about Dafa. They accepted it but did not quit the Chinese Communist Party.
As for the two idlers, I would thank them politely when they brought me food. After we gradually became familiar with each other, I told them about Dafa and the importance of quitting the CCP. They agreed with me and one of them quit while the other had never joined the Party.
During this time, I was still tied to the chair and the chains had caused blood to ooze out from my legs, but I did not feel any pain. I know that Master had to bear the suffering for me again.
About 20 days later, the supervisor arrived and said many disrespectful words about Master and Dafa. When he said that he would tie me to the chair for half a year or even one year if I refused to cooperate, I looked at him and said, “My Master said, 'A Great Enlightened One fears no hardship; Having forged an adamantine will; Free of attachment to living or dying; He walks the path of Fa-rectification; confident and poised'” (“Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions” in Hong Yin Volume II)
After I said that, he left. I think it was because I recited Master's Fa with very strong righteous thoughts and made him afraid.
I was taken to the detention center for further torture a month after being detained in the hotel. On the first day at the detention center, the prison guard told me, “Work hard during the day and do your exercises at night. As long as you don't give us trouble, we won't care if you do the exercises.”
I suddenly felt that the environment had changed and it was really nearing the end of the Fa-rectification period.
During the day, I worked with the inmates. As we worked, I told them about Dafa. At night, I sent forth righteous thoughts and did the exercises.
Because the clock in the room was very small, I could not see the time when doing the exercises. I had to count in my head to do the second exercise and that was very difficult. When I wished for a larger clock, the detention center changed all the clocks.
I was detained in a room with many inmates, and there was just enough space for me to stand and do the exercises. One of the inmates was released, leaving more space for me to do the exercises. I could now also see the clock. I know that this was Master's arrangement.
Master was always looking after me and giving me hints. I even managed to somewhat pass the lust test in my dream.
After being in detention for 34 days, I was told the authorities had found my father and told him to apply for me to be released on bail.
I have practiced Dafa almost 20 years and experienced many things. I hope that my sharing will be of some help to those practitioners who are still lost in the human world. Let's quickly return to cultivation and fulfill our mission so as not to disappoint Master.
Above is what I have enlightened to in my cultivation. If there is anything inappropriate, please kindly point it out.