(Minghui.org) I have been cultivating in Falun Dafa for 20 years and have encountered many tests and hardships. In the past year, whenever a test came up, I was unable to let go of my attachments, and that bothered me tremendously. I used human notions to try to figure out how to solve the problems, which led me to become even more confused and puzzled.
If I read Zhuan Falun at those times, however, whatever I read seemed to address the issues that I was dealing with, and the teachings opened up my mind. When I was truly able to let go of my human notions, I would know how to solve the problems and pass the tests. My xinxing elevated, and I was able to assimilate myself to the Fa.
I began to memorize Zhuan Falun on September 1, 2016. I had tried to do it a few times before that but was overcome by the hardships each time. As I gained a deeper understanding of the Fa, I knew that Dafa was beneficial for me and that it could help me to reach Consummation. With fellow practitioners’ help, I was determined to memorize the Fa this time, and I told myself that, no matter how difficult, I would not let anything hinder me this time.
My goal was to read and understand the part that I read for that day and then to memorize it. So each day I read repeatedly and committed to memory a part of the Fa, which helped me to gain a deeper understanding of what I had read for that day. I realized that, when I was unable to overcome tests and difficulties in the past, it was because I had forgotten the teachings. Teacher told us that we must study the Fa well.
Through memorizing the Fa, I understood what cultivation really meant and what xinxing really consisted of. I also understood better why we must search inside ourselves when we encounter tribulations. Teacher has told us that everything happens for a reason and that nothing is coincidental. They are tests to see if our understanding of the Fa is solid and whether we have truly enlightened to the Fa.
I asked myself many questions: “Have I eliminated my desires and attachments? Am I able to be truly tolerant? Is my xinxing at the level the Fa requires? Am I cultivating to be comfortable in the human world or to endure hardships and difficulties?” Through memorizing the Fa, I have found the answers to these questions. The Great Law of the universe that Teacher teaches us directly targets our hearts–our xinxing.
Many people today are very impetuous and only care about how to make more money. They do not want to work hard and have no sense of responsibility. I was worried that my son would follow these downward trends and stray from the Fa. I had shared my concerns with him before, and gradually these concerns became almost a sickness in my heart.
Teacher said,
“It is more difficult for a young person to conduct himself or herself well. This person usually seems pretty good, and when he doesn’t have many abilities in ordinary human society, he cares little for fame and self-interest. Once he becomes well-known, though, oftentimes he is easily interfered with by fame and profit. He will think that he still has a long way to go in life, and he still wants to make every effort to achieve some goals of everyday people. So, once he develops supernormal abilities and some abilities, oftentimes he will use them as a means to pursue his personal goals in ordinary human society. But that won’t do. It is not permitted for them to be used this way. The more he uses them, the less the gong. Finally, he will end up with nothing” (Zhuan Falun)
I suddenly enlightened that, instead of simply worrying about him, I should encourage him to study the Fa. If his mind were filled with the Fa and he required himself to behave in accordance of the Fa, he would not learn from society's bad examples.
So every time he came home, I would find time to study the Fa with him, and we would share our understandings. I told him that, as long as he studied the Fa, measured his words and behavior against the Fa, and treated others with honesty and respect, he would be immune to society’s bad influences. Letting go of fame and gain could make one a good person. He agreed and promised me that he would follow the teaching of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
In the past, I'd always hoped that things would go well for my son in his life, but that is not something I can control. He came across some big tribulations recently, and I was unable to let it go. My mood and sentiments wavered with his situation, and I behaved just like an ordinary person, unable to let go of my feelings for him. I felt sad and often cried whenever I thought about the difficulties he was going through. I was miserable and depressed.
As I memorized Teacher’s Fa, I was enlightened that my son has his own fate and destiny and that he must walk his own path and overcome difficulties by himself. Things could not be as I had wished them to be, and my human sentiments actually gave the old forces excuses to create more tribulations to test me. It wasn't as if his situation would improve simply because I was miserable. The old forces intended for me to fall, but I was not aware of the danger.
Had I not gained a deeper understanding of Teacher’s Fa, I would not have been able to overcome the tribulations created by the old forces. When I was able to go beyond human thinking, I could keep my mind clear and gain a better understanding of everything that happened. I was determined not to be manipulated by the old forces.
My family studied the Fa together at home. As we gradually let go of our attachments, problems no longer bothered me as much as before. Tests were not that hard to overcome.
We discussed why we could not let go of our sentiment for each other. We were enlightened that the more we used human notions to try to solve issues, the deeper we fell. After rectifying ourselves with Teacher’s Fa and letting go of human notions, we became very strong mentally, and we were able to face the difficulties with clear minds.
My mother moved in with us. She insisted on her own way and would get upset with us over tiny things and refuse to talk to us for days. As the conflicts accumulated, my husband and I did not know what to do with her.
When my mother was in a bad mood, it really upset me emotionally. But I didn't dare tell her how I felt, nor did I want to talk to her about it because it would irritate her even more. It was tough living under those circumstances. Sometimes it even felt hard to breathe. I couldn't understand why she would treat us like that, and that thought kept me up at night. I also lost my appetite. I knew that the old forces were using my feelings for my mother to test my xinxing, but for a long period of time, I was very upset and did not know what to do.
When I cried about my predicament, a fellow practitioner pointed out to me that I was forcing myself to be tolerant of my mother because the tears told it all. She reminded me that, as long as we treat ourselves as genuine cultivators and regard every difficulty as a test that we must overcome by letting go of our human notions and sentiments and studying the Fa well, we can surmount all hardships and difficulties. After talking to her, my confidence grew, and I knew henceforth that I must do a good job of letting go of my human notions and study the Fa more diligently.
I began to search inside myself to see why I could not be more patient with my mother. I discovered that I cared too much about how I felt and was focused on how I thought I was being treated badly. My mother wanted me to be obedient, so why couldn't I just accept her commands? Mother raised me and took care of my family. Even though she’s in her 70s, she still cared about us. How could I not let her do what she wanted to? How could I not have more compassion for her?
When my thoughts became clear, I was so relieved that trivial things no longer bothered me. When things didn't go my way, it didn't matter to me anymore. When my attitude toward my mother changed, there were no more conflicts between us, and Mother seemed to change, too.
Helping fellow practitioners with their computer problems has also been a good opportunity for me to raise my xinxing.
Some fellow practitioners did not take good care of their computers, and some did not know how to operate a computer. Because of that, I always had to go fix their computers. Most often, I could fix them quickly, but a few times I ran into some problems that I couldn't solve.
When nothing worked, I got irritated and blamed the practitioners, saying their computers were broken due to their poor cultivation states, etc. Sometimes I even wanted to give up and just give their computers back to them. Remembering the Fa, I asked myself what they would do if I returned the computers to them. Teacher gave me the computer knowledge, so I should never think about not solving computer problems for fellow practitioners. Cultivation means that we must come across problems so that we can let go of our human attachments. These are opportunities for us to improve.
Fellow practitioners did not intentionally break their computers, and they were also very worried when their computers did not work. I must fix their computers without any delay. I searched inside myself and found that I still had many attachments. I asked Teacher to help cleanse my mind so that I could study the Fa wholeheartedly to eliminate the attachments.
Fa-rectification has come to the final stage, so I must treasure this opportunity to genuinely cultivate, study the Fa more diligently, and make the best use of the time remaining to catch up with the Fa-rectification and follow Teacher to return home.