(Minghui.org) I was born in 2001 when the persecution of Falun Gong (also known as Falun Dafa) being carried out by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) was most intense.
To avoid the police, my mother took me to live in a southern province of China. Without knowing what was really happening, I had a normal and happy childhood that my mom tried hard to maintain.
Losing a Cultivation Environment
When I started primary school, I joined up with other young Dafa practitioners to share our cultivation experiences. We discussed the conflicts that we had with our classmates in school and how we should deal with them based on Dafa's principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and how to respond when the teachers talked about the communist regime’s policies that defamed Falun Dafa. We also made lotus flowers and learned about ancient Chinese culture.
The parents of many of my young friends had been persecuted and imprisoned for their belief. For safety reasons, the adults always put their mobile phones in a metal box when we met up, so the authorities couldn't tap into them and use them as listening devices.
This group cultivation environment was gradually lost as we got older, and I no longer have any contact with the practitioners I grew up with. Some went to the United States, some are still in China, while others stopped practicing.
My situation also started to change. My friend’s father was illegally sentenced to eight years in prison for distributing Falun Dafa informational materials. My mom’s friend was physically abused by the police and became paralyzed. I also heard innumerable accounts of police officers persecuting practitioners.
My mom was also persecuted. I can clearly remember the afternoon in 2010, when my mom was having lessons at home. Some other children had also come to my house to attend. I was impatiently waiting for a friend, who was late, to arrive. I heard a soft knock on the door, so I stood up and went to open it. However, standing in front of me was not my friend, but more than ten police officers, who burst in and began to search the house. I was in shock and didn't know what to do. My mom was taken away and the whole house was left in a mess.
Other than “helpless,” I don't know what other words can describe my situation at that time. I followed my relatives to the police station to ask for my mother's release, but they said that she was labeled an “important person” in the province, so they could not release her.
My mom was held for a month. And even after she returned home, the police often came to our house to harass us.
This incident had a grave impact on me. In senior high school, I no longer had a cultivation environment where practitioners could encourage one another. Instead, I was surrounded by regular classmates. Coming into contact with them every day made me, who was not cultivating diligently, want to fit in and be accepted, and so I eventually stopped practicing.
After making the decision to give up cultivation, never once did the Fa appear in my mind. It was just like I had never cultivated.
When I encountered small conflicts with classmates, I felt unhappy and grumbled about why my life couldn’t be smooth-sailing. I totally forgot about Dafa's requirement to look inward. I was controlled by the attachment of fame. Whenever I couldn't get what I thought I should have, based on my abilities, I felt terrible. All my paltry academic achievements made me think that I already had the ability to succeed.
I am astonished at how a young child could have such strong desires. I felt hopeless, depressed, and lost.
Wanting to Start Practicing Again
When I was younger, I was always in good health and had never taken any medicine. I took my good health for granted.
At the beginning of last year, I developed a very bad cough. I thought that it would be the same as all the other times when the irritation would be gone in a few days.
I waited a few weeks, but the symptoms did not diminish. Instead, they became more and more severe, like the symptoms of pneumonia. I coughed hard day and night and couldn't sleep. I thought my lungs were going to collapse and I was going to lose my life.
All the attachments that I had in terms of my quest for knowledge and desire to have fun seemed worthless in the midst of my suffering.
My mom said that she would not force me to do the exercises, because if I did not have the willingness to cultivate, no one could force me to.
I took some medicine, but it didn't help, so I decided not to take it anymore. My mom suggested that I go to the hospital, but my thought was, “Why should I continue to live if I found out I had an incurable illness?”
With no other choice available, I opened the book Zhuan Falun, which I had not touched for a very long time, and quietly read Lunyu (On Dafa). I felt a sense of calm and peace that I had not felt in ages.
This made me feel that I wanted to start cultivation all over again. With just this simple thought, and no attachment to wanting to recover from my illness, all the illness symptoms disappeared two weeks later.
New Experiences
I went to another city to further my studies, and the attachments to showing off and seeking a good and comfortable life made me feel anxious. This was a test of whether I could let go of my attachments to fame and personal gain. My human side told me that my future would be bleak if I did not continue my studies and that I might not achieve any social standing and that none of my dreams would come true.
I was in the meditation position when the word “truthfulness” became very strong in my mind. I realized that this was all I needed to be in line with the Fa. Only then would I be able to continue on my cultivation path. I made the decision to give up my studies.
That night, when I was doing the second exercise, my arms felt sore and tired. I felt a current running through my fingertips, pulling my hands closer to each other, just like a magnet. I was stunned and couldn't understand why it was happening.
I had been lost in the human world, and this experience was a very big deal to me. I had heard many practitioners share their experiences before, but I always took them to be just stories. What they said far exceeded any of my experiences at the time. Now it was different.
Living in Different Environment Makes Me Think of Practitioners' Suffering
I later moved to England, where I can do the exercises and think my own ideas without fear of being persecuted. I couldn't help but think about the many practitioners back in China. How many of them have lost their jobs, their homes, and even their lives due to the persecution?
Soon after, I had a dream where I was back in China studying the Fa with practitioners that I'd met in England. Suddenly, the police came and searched our place. I remembered that feeling of pressure and helplessness from the past. I realized this was something one would never feel in England, but the practitioners in China are still living under such immense pressure. I have the utmost respect for them.
I realized that I should not let myself sink into depression over the persecution. When I face difficulties, I must face them positively and actively. For me, who has managed to leave that dangerous environment, my current goal is to positively show others the goodness of Falun Dafa in this safe environment.
Now, loneliness and solitude are a big test for me. I keep telling myself that my path from now on has been arranged by the Fa and everything has been created for the sake of the Fa. So there is no need to worry and I should not have any desires.
When I feel lonely, I study the Fa and then immediately feel very lucky and peaceful. But sometimes my human attachments and disturbances still make me anxious and impatient.
It has only been about a year since I returned to cultivation. I am usually strict with myself to do my best to improve, but sometimes I also think that cultivation is really the most difficult thing to do. Why do I have so many human attachments and desires? Why can’t I treat myself as a Dafa practitioner all the time?
This time, no matter what happens, I will follow the path that Master has arranged for me and continue to cultivate steadfastly.
