(Minghui.org) Although I have been practicing Falun Dafa for almost 11 years, my understanding of “forbearance” was quite shallow, superficial, and at the level of everyday people. It was not until recently that I gained a deeper level of forbearance.
Master said:
Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren)?” from Essentials For Further Advancement)
As a housewife, I am responsible for taking care of our home, including keeping it clean. My family complained when I did not keep it clean. I have tried to forbear and not quarrel with them.
My husband told me that I was neglecting our home, with the house getting messier and dirtier, which upset me. “I don't have time to clean the house,” I said. “I have to study Dafa books, do the exercises, and help people understand Falun Dafa and the persecution. It's not as easy as you think!”
I got upset and failed to forbear, leading to even harder tests. My husband complained more often and with harsher words. If I said anything, his temper flared up even more. My son was uncomfortable with the atmosphere at home and said something to my husband, which made me feel worse, and I forgot that I was a practitioner.
My husband's temper worsened because I could not overcome my shortcomings. He complained about my cooking, which disturbed my heart. I once asked him to not be so picky and to not to compare my cooking with that of restaurants. He became agitated, raised his fist, and tried to hit me. I quickly ducked and thought, “It's my fault! I failed to practice forbearance again.”
I noticed he was in a better mood one day, so I talked to him calmly. I apologized for quarreling with him. I then said, “You should watch your temper. Our family should be grateful to Master and Dafa for our happiness and good fortune. I was very ill before I practiced Dafa, which brought pain and financial difficulties to our family. I became healthy after learning the practice, and I devoted myself wholeheartedly to our family. You should not complain so much.”
He did not say anything and stopped yelling for a few days. But after a while, it was business as usual, and his bad temper returned.
I talked with my daughter, who is also a practitioner, about my husband. I said that even though he was often angry at me, he was very supportive of the work I did for Falun Dafa. He even helped me at times. However, I worried about his bad attitude toward me.
My daughter said, “Mom, Dad is 'testing' you. His attitude toward you has not improved because you have not done well in your cultivation.”
I looked inward after sharing with her and realized that even though he was very supportive of my work for Dafa, I lacked kindness and forbearance toward him.
I then became calmer when my husband lost his temper. I wanted to pass the test well, pay attention to my words and actions, maintain my xinxing, and not be moved.
Master said,
“One’s Buddha-nature is Shan, and it manifests itself as compassion, thinking of others before acting, and the ability to endure suffering.”(“Buddha-Nature and Demon-Nature” from Essentials For Further Advancement)
I gained a better understanding of Fa principles as I continued to read Falun Dafa books. I realized that I should always regard myself as a cultivator and look inward when encountering problems. Only then can I transform my environment and forbear during times of conflict.
My home environment improved after I raised my xinxing level. For instance, my husband offered to babysit our grandchild when my daughter and I went out to clarify the facts about Dafa. I will continue to try and improve my cultivation.
Category: Improving Oneself
