(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa (also called Falun Gong) in 2009 when I was 30 years old.
I didn't know how to improve xinxing for many years, or how to cultivate. One of the reasons was that the local coordinator kept praising me when I worked on projects, which gave me the false impression that the more I worked on Dafa-related projects the better I had cultivated.
Before practicing Falun Dafa, I was a typical ordinary person. I drank, smoked, gambled, and had other bad habits.
My parents lived with my older brother's family. They had all practiced Falun Dafa for many years. When my wife and I visited them and we had dinner together we would read Falun Dafa books with them. Though I knew that Falun Dafa was good, I wasn’t motivated to become a practitioner.
I had no work to do in the office one day, so I played the DVD of Master's “Fa-Teaching Given to the Australian Practitioners.” Though I was unaware why, I started to cry when I saw Master. Master Li was so kind and talked to the audience like a loving father. I made up my mind at that moment to practice Falun Dafa.
“No, you definitely can not practice Falun Gong!” My wife yelled at me when I told her about my decision. She kicked me off the bed.
I ignored her warning and went to another bedroom to meditate. She came in with a wooden stick and smacked it on my legs until they bled. Seeing the blood she became scared. She hid in her bedroom and locked the door.
I had no intention of hitting her back. After hearing no activity from me for a while, she came out and asked, “Do you really want to practice (Falun Gong)?!”
I didn't know how to cultivate however. I read some books when I had time and forgot when I was busy. I didn't know how to look inward.
My job later moved me to another city, so my wife and I lived separately for two years. We argued a lot when I returned for the holidays, and in the end we divorced without consulting my parents.
I visited my ex-wife and her family in 2011 to ask if she would consider remarriage. She refused my proposal and also refused to give me half of our savings in accordance with the terms of our divorce. Instead, she lied to everyone, saying that she had already transferred the money to me.
My mother was very sad for me. I used to have an apartment, a car, and a lot of savings in the bank. My ex-wife took the apartment, the money, and the car. I hated her a lot.
During the Chinese New Year holidays, I stayed with my parents and read a lot of Falun Dafa books. This period of concentrated Fa study allowed me to understand many things. I let go of the resentment toward my ex-wife, and my attachments to money and property.
After the Chinese New Year, I received a Shen Yun DVD. I watched the performance repeatedly and was deeply moved by the song “Regret Won't Help” (Hong Yin III):
“Each and every lifetime, one awaited the DivineIf one misses it, regret won't be help of any kind”
The song moved me to tears.
I started joining other practitioners when they passed out Shen Yun DVDs to passersby. I initially distributed just a few each day, but that later grew to dozens.
Many practitioners in our area all but worshiped a local coordinator. I often drove this coordinator around, and he often praised me (for participating in projects) while we were on the road. I took his praise to heart and believed that doing a lot of work was equivalent to cultivating well.
His praise made me feel good about myself, so I didn't notice my human notions.
For example, I studied the Fa every day, but didn't know how to examine myself based on the Fa. I had strong notions that led me to be competitive and look down on other practitioners. I had a desire to do more work and a desire to finish the work quickly so I could see the results.
I also had attachments of desire and lust. My ex-wife came back and started practicing Falun Dafa. We didn't go through the legal process to remarry, but we lived together and had a baby.
One day I gave a DVD to a plainclothes police officer and was arrested. I was sentenced to prison. But I didn't sign a guarantee letter (promising not practice Falun Dafa), and I clarified the truth to the other inmates.
After I was released, I had time to study the Fa more and gradually understood how to cultivate and why I was persecuted.
I now understand that clarifying truth and cultivating should be done concurrently, because saving people and cultivating is one thing. A practitioner should study the Fa without any desire to get something from reading.
Practitioners should also balance harmonizing the family and performing well in the workplace.
Looking back at the twists and turns along my cultivation path, I would like to remind veteran practitioners and coordinators not to praise new practitioners carelessly. You should remind them to look at themselves and point out their attachments, rather than simply urging them to take on more projects.
These are my personal understandings, please kindly correct me if anything is inappropriate.
