(Minghui.org) The purpose of writing this sharing is to record what I went through to become more actively involved in cultivation. I hope my breakthrough helps practitioners become more diligent.
Since a very young age, my grandma brought me with her to group Fa study. I listened to practitioners read and did the exercises along with them. When they listened to Teacher's Fa lectures, I would also follow along. That was how I grew up.
I understood that Falun Dafa was good, but I never took cultivation seriously. I never took the initiative to study the Fa. It was usually when practitioners came to my house to study, and with my mother's reminders, that I reluctantly joined the study group.
When I studied the Fa, I felt I understood the content and appreciated the goodness of Dafa. But I felt that I was only an average cultivator because when I didn't study, I was occupied with online games. My father's objection to my taking up cultivation was also another excuse that stopped me from making an effort to read. After a while, I became lazy, which made my mother anxious. If she reminded me about Fa study, I would be angry and acted as if I was a different person. At that time, I didn't know that it was interference.
When I graduated from junior high school, I had an opportunity to study overseas. My mother was moved to tears, saying that it was Teacher who arranged for me to go abroad so that I would have a more relaxed environment to study the Fa. She was happy because I wouldn't be inside China and I would have more opportunities to validate Dafa and cultivate myself.
My visa was rejected and I felt that it was because I hadn't studied the Fa solidly. I reapplied and was told to wait for six months. During these months, practitioners spent a lot of time with me studying the Fa. I then enlightened that these six months were especially arranged for me to study the Fa more.
I finally landed in a foreign country. As I had to deal with the pressure of being in a new environment and lots of school work, I felt hopeless, lonely and developed an attachment to fear. I was no longer motivated to study the Fa and got really lazy as the days went by.
My days were filled with ordinary people's things. Day in and out, I pursued what ordinary people are after, and my head was filled with notions. Basically, I sealed myself in everyday life. I didn't even seem to regret the time that I wasted.
Then I returned to China. When practitioners shared with me, I always managed to find reasons and excuses to cover up my lack of diligence. Despite the cultivation issues, practitioners were compassionate and encouraged me to study the Fa with them. Along the way, the bad substances in my thoughts were gradually reduced. Finally, in 2017, I understood why I should take the initiative to study, send righteous thoughts and clarify the truth.
My mother also encouraged me to give up playing on my cellular phone and watching TV. I wondered what I should do after finishing Fa study. She said, "Read more." "After that?" I asked. My mother said, "Continue reading." That seemed to be impossible.
At nighttime, when we studied the Fa together in the small group, I shared about my experience and raised my question. Then one practitioner told stories about another practitioner. She said the time we have now is an extension from Teacher who endures a lot in order to give practitioners more opportunities to save sentient beings. The stories were very touching and I was moved to tears. I was disappointed at myself and felt that I needed to better cultivate myself so that I could save sentient beings.
So I began to discipline myself. I studied the Fa at set times and pushed away all the things that stopped me from studying. When I felt tired, I insisted on studying the Fa. After a period of time, many bad thoughts were eliminated. Dafa has given me the wisdom to remove the notions and unresolved things that I used to have. I gradually learned how to look inside and correct my improper thinking and inappropriate actions.
Often I liked to tell practitioners how good the environment was and how better people were in foreign countries. I even said that if I had a choice, I wouldn't return to China for there is no good environment here and people possess fewer good qualities. But one day I enlightened that I was seeking comfort when I thought that way. Only when there is a complicated environment would people have more opportunities to raise their xinxing. I found peace and joy when I really looked inward to find my shortcomings.
I used to think that the reason I couldn't sit in full lotus was because my legs were long and I was chubby. In fact, it was because I didn't want to endure hardship. Once during group study, I happened to see an auntie who was built like me, having short legs and was chubby, taking her time to send righteous thoughts and study the Fa in the full lotus position for 90 minutes. She didn't move at all. Then after the Fa study, she slowly brought her feet down. I realized that everyone has pain when they sit in full lotus. The only difference is that others could endure the pain whereas I couldn't. This was not good.
So from then on, I tried to sit in full lotus. It was extremely painful, but I persisted. Then all of a sudden, I felt like a button on my body got turned on, and a warm current went through the whole body. It was a very good feeling. I knew that Teacher was encouraging me to push forward.
The next day when I did the exercises, my body felt very light. It was like floating in the air, a very wonderful experience. That was another encouragement from Teacher, I figured. I was very thankful. Dafa is indeed such an extraordinary practice. If I don't seize the opportunity to better cultivate myself, and if I continue to waste time with ordinary daily life, it would be too unfortunate!
I felt sorry for being a disciple that failed to live up to Teacher's expectations. But it was fortunate that at the very end, I enlightened to the mistakes I made. I wasted a lot of time, but Teacher did not give up on me. The opportunities that I have been given are precious and greatly appreciated. Teacher, thank you!
