(Minghui.org) It has been almost 20 years since I started to practice Falun Dafa. Looking back, what once was unbearable does not seem so unbearable anymore. My endurance has grown stronger through hard times. Interference or troubles that appear all of a sudden do not bother me as much as they once did, and my heart has been broadened.
It is true that however much one sacrifices is the amount one will gain.
I started practicing Falun Dafa in September 1998, so I was a relatively new practitioner when the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) launched the persecution in 1999. One after another, the coordinators and veteran practitioners were illegally arrested during the first two years of the persecution.
Not knowing anything about coordinating, I still agreed to coordinate even though the evil was rampant. I persisted only because of my faith in Dafa and my righteous thoughts.
I visited fellow practitioners and shared my understandings, encouraged them to step forward, and did what a Dafa practitioner was supposed to do.
I was sentenced to three years in prison in 2001. I teamed up with other practitioners to validate Dafa and resisted the persecution in prison. These were extremely difficult times, but with my faith and Master’s powerful strengthening, I feared nothing. When the guards beat practitioners for doing the exercises, I would stop the guards.
Under the long-term intensive persecution, a fellow practitioner was swayed. I recited the Fa to her and woke up her righteous thoughts. Some others couldn't bear the torture and renounced Falun Dafa. I tried everything possible to get in touch with them. I wrote letters, shared my understandings, and recited the Fa to them.
One day, practitioners in every section of the prison resisted the persecution together by refusing to wear the uniforms or shout our prisoner numbers. Those who had renounced Falun Dafa made solemn declarations that their statements about renouncing Falun Dafa were null and void. They, too, participated.
I heard dozens of practitioners from different cells simultaneously shouting, “Falun Dafa is good! Restore Master's reputation!” My heart was filled with joy. I was so happy that my fellow practitioners who had been pressured to give up Dafa had returned! When I was released, I brought with me a list of the names of dozens of practitioners who wanted to make public their solemn declarations that their statements about renouncing Falun Dafa were null and void.
I was tortured, put in solitary confinement, and suffered a great deal, but I have felt Master's strengthening and protection at all times. I was not distressed or sad; instead, I was smiling everyday.
After I was released from prison, I resumed the coordinator's role. I encouraged other practitioners to clarify the truth about Dafa and was involved in Dafa projects.
In the complicated environment in China, I had to deal with a lot of conflicts, pressure, and xinxing tests, in addition to the senseless persecution.
I have been misunderstood and scolded by fellow practitioners. I have felt burned out physically and mentally, and I have felt a lot of pain, as if I were sick. While coordinating, I put in a great deal of thought and tried to cover everything, yet I was still blamed when some things went wrong.
I held it all in so I could get everyone to cooperate with each other. But my tolerance and silence were passive and helpless, which was different from one's heart not being moved after assimilating to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. That meant that I appeared okay on the surface, but as soon as I got home, I wept and was up all night. I almost gave up coordinating.
Master said:
"Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator." (“What is Forbearance (Ren)?” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
I understood that forbearance is a realm that requires a solid foundation in cultivation, which is built upon solid Fa-study. Therefore, I encouraged myself to look inside unconditionally to find where I lacked conviction.
I looked inside and realized my selective forbearance was for the sake of different concerns, such as minimizing conflicts and saving face. True forbearance means that one's heart is not moved.
Until a few years ago, I had been judging practitioners by my own standards. If someone argued with me, I usually held a negative opinion of that person. Some practitioners would suddenly lose their tempers, and others would think they were fighting for no reason and thus did not cultivate well. In fact, it was caused by my unrighteous thoughts and having negative thoughts about them.
Tempered by losses and grievances over and over again, I improved through constant Fa-study and cultivation. I became rational and clearheaded little by little. I constantly reminded myself to restrain my human thoughts. Without being tangled in thoughts of reputation, self-interest, and feelings, forbearance became very natural.
After filing complaints against Jiang Zemin, the former head of the communist regime, in June 2015, several of us practitioners exchanged understandings about whether or not we should clarify the facts to the public security, the procuratorate, and the court.
A few days later, one of the practitioners came to see me. He was outraged, as he had understood the sharing we had that day to be my plot to put him on the spot and humiliate him.
He listed everything he disliked about me, all the things he had been holding back. He said that he would cut off all contact with me, stop working with me, and quit the Dafa project he was leading.
I listened to him until he finished, and then I sincerely apologized to him.
“I have so many shortcomings that I don't even realize,” I said. “I would expect you to help me get rid of them. So how could you stop working with me? Is uncooperativeness what Master wants? We are not everyday people, and we have missions. I will let go of my shortcomings. But we must continue working together.”
His angry expression changed, and so did the expression in his eyes. Then, as if nothing had happened, he spoke in a different tone.
When we take a step back in a conflict, it is indeed as Master said, “After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!"” (Zhuan Falun)
Instead of feeling wronged, as I would have in the past, I went out to clarify the facts as planned—first at the justice bureau and then at another institution. The first person understood the truth and the second person agreed to quit the Party and its youth organizations.
I got into an argument with another practitioner, and I blurted out a few problems I felt she had. She was enraged and said, “You're really disgusting. Look in the mirror. Who are you?” She then showed me the door.
Many of my human attachments—not accepting others’ criticism, self-importance, disliking unpleasant comments—were stirred up and provoked my heart. My hands were shaking and my heart was churning.
Tears covered my face as soon as I walked out of her home. Luckily, I had a thread of righteous thoughts left and constantly told myself to look inside. I quickly overcame my emotions and was determined to make a big breakthrough in my cultivation.
Master said:
“But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve.” (Zhuan Falun)
This incident spurred me on to do a great deal of Fa-study and Fa-memorization. My human thoughts were grumbling. I strongly rejected the stirred-up feelings while filling my mind with the Fa constantly. I recited over and over again Master's poem:
“As a cultivatorOne always looks for one’s own faults’Tis the Way to get rid of attachments most efficientlyThere’s no way to skip ordeals, big or small[During a conflict, if you can remember:]“He’s right,And I’m wrong,”What’s to dispute?”
(“Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong” from Hong Yin III)
Looking inside, I realized the problem was still with me. Contaminated by the Party's indoctrination, my struggle-infused thinking and habitual outward-looking behavior dominated my actions when conflicts arose, and my tone of voice implied accusations without truly considering others' feelings.
Because I failed to be tolerant and guard my xinxing, a rift opened up between that practitioner and me, and I lost an opportunity to improve.
I adjusted myself for a period of time, and then I reached out to her. I sincerely shared what I had found after looking inside and said that I would let go of my human thoughts so we could cooperate well with each other.
She also looked inside sincerely, and the separation between us vanished with the power of righteous thoughts.
When my attachment was stirred up, I looked inside and removed my human thoughts. I came to see that those so-called hardships and unpleasant comments are all to temper cultivators and successfully establish the fruits of our cultivation.
Gradually, I grew able to handle sudden conflicts rationally and to know what to do in real cultivation. I have truly understood the realm of forbearance of a cultivator, which has no human thoughts mixed in and is completely based on considerating others.
Now I'm working with fellow practitioners much more easily, just like Master said:
“When one is attached to nothingThe path underfoot is naturally smooth”
(“Unimpeded” from Hong Yin Vol. II)
Remembering the past, I've realized that it is not hard to cultivate while coordinating. As a coordinator, one needs to put in more effort and thought during interactions with practitioners.
One must study the Fa conscientiously, understand the Fa principles well, be tolerant during conflicts, and pay attention to real cultivation. One must have righteous thoughts about shouldering responsibilities and cooperating with fellow practitioners well.
In my humble understanding, coordinators cannot regard themselves as special and cannot think they are better than others. As people who consider the whole body, they cannot be full of complaints, let alone express their dissatisfactions and resentments to other practitioners.
A coordinator's every unrighteous thought and misbehavior while coordinating will bring about conflicts and troubles that should not exist, because they are caused by the coordinator's unrighteous heart.