(Minghui.org) I am a 48-year-old woman who started to practice Falun Dafa 12 years ago with my family. Although I started cultivation practice with the intention of having my illness (ulcerative colitis) cured, I wasn’t attached to healing my disease. Therefore, my intestinal inflammation gradually resolved.
Before the end of last year, however, I had two episodes of sickness karma that resembled my previous illness. I didn't pay much attention to them and overcame them in a few months. Nevertheless, in December of last year, I started to have mucus in my stool. At first, I didn’t take it seriously, but then it became much worse. On seeing this, I began to be unstable in my mind.
My husband was plagued by sickness karma for many years and then suddenly passed away last year. This was a huge blow for me and has also impacted my family and friends. Even people who knew the facts about Dafa were confused about the death of my husband and made various remarks about it. But this did not shake my firm belief in Master or disturb my cultivation. I continued trying my best to keep doing the three things well.
Still, my thought karma remained quite strong. After my husband died, I started to worry about what would happen to my son if something were to happen to me. One morning, I was passing a lot of mucus in my stool, which caused me to feel uneasy in my mind. I couldn’t sleep any longer and got up to read Zhuan Falun. I started to read Lecture Six and came upon the following content:
“Nor will the spiritual work that’s in store for you, as a practitioner, be easy. Many forms of higher energy will develop in your body, and all of them will be powerful things that move to and fro inside you and which might feel unpleasant. The main reason it feels that way is that you always worry your body has some condition or other. The reality is, powerful things have come about inside of you; what your body has developed are energies, powers, and many supernatural beings. If any of them move about, your body may have a sensation of itchiness, pain, or something unpleasant, as the peripheral nerves are sensitive; a whole range of phenomena are possible. These are good things, though, and you will experience them up until your body has been remade with high-energy matter. But if you always regard yourself as an ordinary person and mistake such things for health issues, you are going to have a hard time practicing. If you still take yourself to be an ordinary person when you meet with challenges in your practice, then your character has dropped to the human level, at least in those instances.” (The Six Talk, Zhuan Falun, 2018 translation)
After reading this paragraph, I shed tears and felt that Master was watching over his disciple. Although I have read Zhuan Falun hundreds of times, I have never so clearly understood these words. After a short time, I let go of my attachment to the disease, and my intestines gradually got better.
However, during the Chinese New Year, I once again experienced sickness karma, and my intestinal problems returned. I recalled that looking inward can be a magical tool for practitioners. By searching internally, I found the attachment of not cherishing my own life and the opportunity for cultivation practice. I also found that I felt lonely and hopeless after my husband passed away. I was often trapped in the thinking of everyday people and considered that only by ending my life could I be free from suffering.
Therefore, the old forces tortured me by seizing upon these human thoughts of mine. I realized that if Master cherishes his disciples, why don't I cherish my own life and opportunity for cultivation? Although I have understood these principles, I am still trapped in everyday people notions. From now on, I have to practice cultivation diligently. I have Master and the Fa, and I can read fellow practitioners’ sharing articles every day. I am not alone.
Having realized this, I sent forth righteous thoughts, firmly believed in Master and the Fa, and cultivated diligently. Since beginning cultivation, I had rarely corrected my own behavior by looking inward. Instead, I believed that I knew how to cultivate myself because I could eliminate my thought karma.
As soon as my heart became steady, everything was rectified. After that, I started to have constipation and went a few days without a bowel movement. I then started to worry, but my belly didn't feel swollen. I felt Master was helping me with my sickness karma and thus let go of these worries. As a result, my intestines got better. Thinking about it now, I believe that my experience during that period indeed helped improve my character. It showed that anything practitioners encounter is a good thing.
Although my intestines haven’t fully recovered, some of my attachments and thought karma was indeed removed during this period. I wasn’t worried too much about it. After that, I still had mucus or blood in my stool. I thought that Master was helping me get rid of bad things from my body and that I should let go of my worries. Although I gave up my attachment to the illness, I thought that this kind of lingering situation in my body was not right. One night, I thought, “If there are a lot of dirty things in my intestines that need to be excreted, then let it go. I am a Dafa practitioner and not afraid of this since I have Master’s protection.” The next day, I continued to have symptoms of intestinal disease.
At night, while lying in bed, I knew that I must look inward for any attachments I had not yet found. I discovered many attachments, such as lacking compassion, seeking personal gain, selfishness, and jealousy. I found out that the most persistent attachment was that I still seemed unable to let go of the love for my husband.
In his teachings, Master said,
“Humans are all attached to ordinary people’s affection for family. But do you know how many times you have reincarnated amongst everyday people? How many parents, brothers, wives, children, and husbands have you had? While reincarnating amongst everyday people, you have in every life missed your family members like this. Can you think of all of them all the time? Which one is your true family member? Your true family is only in the place where your life was created; they are waiting for you to return, but you instead are lost here and attached to these temporary things.” (Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Houston)
Although I understood these words, why couldn’t I let this attachment go? Even everyday people would have gotten over them within a year or so, but I still could not help crying when mentioning my husband. Everything about my husband was like a shadow following me. I realized that I actually had an attachment of sentimentality that I didn't want to let go. I was then determined to acknowledge that the purpose of this lifetime is for cultivation and that I must remove this attachment right away. I resolved to examine my thoughts from that point on to ensure that my mind was righteous. I was determined to practice cultivation well by eliminating all attachments.
Suddenly I felt as if my intestines were being stretched out and that there were countless small wheels whirling through my intestines. I felt that my intestines had recovered as Master used numerous small law wheels to smooth out the ulcers in them. At that moment, I was firmly convinced that everything was fine. For the first time in more than half a year, I didn’t have mucus in my stool. I knew that I was fine, and I felt that Master was by my side. As soon as I found the attachment to be removed, Master helped me eliminate such a big chunk of sickness karma. My gratitude to Master is beyond words, and the only thing I can do is to do the three things well.
I have realized that as long as I believe in Master and the Fa, I can overcome any tribulation.
Master said,
“Throughout the entire course of your cultivation there will be the question of how you fundamentally understand the Fa and whether you can be steadfast—you’ll be tested on whether you are steadfast in the Fa all the way until the last step of your cultivation.” (“Suggestions Given at the Beijing Falun Dafa Assistants Meeting,” Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa)
Through this experience of overcoming sickness karma, I have deeply experienced how Master is always looking after his disciples. Only by practicing cultivation diligently, removing my attachments, and saving more people can I not let Master down.