(Minghui.org) I have practiced Falun Dafa for seven years. Although I have been doing the three things all these years, I realized I was still only cultivating superficially and had not improved my xinxing. I often did not look inward when encountering issues, which resulted in conflicts with family members and co-workers.
I like to plan things ahead of time and get them done quickly, while my husband usually waits until the last minute. As a result, I often became impatient, frustrated, and talked to him in a harsh tone when he didn't get things done fast.
Due to my jealousy, my attitude also worsened whenever I saw pictures of him and his female business partners on Facebook.
One day, my husband suddenly said, “Doesn't your Master teach you to be kind to others?” I was speechless.
When I later shared with fellow practitioners, a practitioner told me that subtracting one stroke from the Chinese character for the word “I” would become the character for “looking for,” and reminded me to look within.
Master said,
“In spiritual practice you have to go through ordeals, and they serve to test whether you can become free of your emotions and desires and thesway they hold over you. Being attached to those things will impede yourprogress. There are reasons behind everything.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I realized that I had the mentality of blaming others, jealousy, and other human notions. I didn't try to change myself from the core, and held onto attachments and my old self. Master told us to look within and put others first, but I often looked for others' shortcomings. I am now gradually learning to look within.
While I had been drifting along in cultivation all these years without truly looking within, I didn't see any of my issues as a big deal. As such, I still didn't know what I was cultivating.
Master said,
“A person is like a container, and he is whatever he contains. All of what a person sees with the eyes and hears with the ears are: violence, lust, power struggles in literary works, struggles for profit in the practical world, money worship, other manifestations of demon-nature, and so on. With his head filled with these, this kind of person is truly a bad person, no matter what he appears to be. A person’s behavior is dictated by his thoughts. With a mind full of such things, what’s a person able to do? It is only because everyone’s mind is more or less contaminated to some extent that people cannot detect the problem that has surfaced.” (“Melt Into the Fa,” from Essentials For Further Advancement)
Whatever we see or hear will be stored in our brain. For instance, I used to enjoy everyday sayings I thought were funny and would randomly say them to people. Then, one day, as I was listening to the Minghui Radio, I heard a practitioner share that cultivators' words have energy, so we should cultivate our speech.
At that time, I was in a poor cultivation state because I hardly studied the Fa or went to group study due to my busy work schedule. I would get sleepy when studying the Fa, my mind wandered when sending forth righteous thoughts, I had conflicts with fellow practitioners, and my thoughts and actions were like those of ordinary people.
In fact, I was worried about my bad state, but I couldn't find any motivation to rectify it. Sometimes, I even wanted to give up cultivation since I felt it was too hard.
I then found time to go to group Fa-study, and practitioners began sharing on the importance of studying the Fa, doing the Dafa exercises, and sending forth righteous thoughts. I felt Master giving me hints to improve via the practitioners' words.
I realized the importance of group study in rectifying my incorrect state. I adjusted my schedule to be able to participate in group Fa-study on a regular basis, and gradually I was able to find many of my shortcomings.
Through studying the Fa more, I no longer felt sleepy when reading the Dafa books and was able to concentrate when sending forth righteous thoughts. Just as Master said,
“The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts.” (“Drive Out Interference,” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I used to feel uncomfortable talking to people and had a hard time introducing Shen Yun to them. My mind often went blank and I didn't know what to say. I only helped to send forth righteous thoughts for Shen Yun, and did not participate in promoting the show. I felt that something was blocking me, but didn't know what.
During a group sharing, a fellow practitioner said that promoting Shen Yun was less about selling tickets, and more about introducing the beauty of Shen Yun. Upon hearing this, I realized that I did have the notion that promoting Shen Yun was only about selling tickets. That was what was blocking me from talking to people about the show.
One day, I was talking with a customer at my husband's booth. While we were talking, I took out a Shen Yun brochure and told the customer about the beauty of the show.
Afterwards, my husband came up to me and said, “You have improved. In the past, you would get very stiff and become afraid to introduce the show to people, even forgetting to take out the brochure. Today, everything you did was so natural.” I knew it was Master encouraging me through my husband's words.
I used to distribute Shen Yun fliers to people based on how they looked. I would not give fliers to people who looked angry, cold, or were in a hurry.
After I broke through the attachment of fear, I no longer had this notion and talked to everyone I met. Even when I only said “Shen Yun”, people who were in a rush would stop to talk to me, and inquire about how to purchase tickets.
I was able to see my human notions and attachments throughout this process. I am thankful for Master's great care and appreciative to the practitioners whose sharing has encouraged me.