(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I began practicing Falun Dafa two years ago. My mother started to practice in 1996. My father was strongly against my practicing, and I feared being persecuted, so I did not begin to practice. I could not understand why my mother persisted even though our entire family was against her.
Hard-Earned Opportunity to Learn Dafa
My mother often put truth-clarification booklets in my room and played recordings of Master’s lectures. But I didn't read the information or listen to the lectures. I would quickly hide them so that others wouldn’t see them.
When my friends came to my home, my mother always gave them Falun Dafa keepsakes that bore the words, “Falun Dafa is good” and “Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance is good.” I worried that they would distance themselves from me, so I hesitated to invite friends over. My strong feelings of fear and inferiority, as well as the intimidation by school teachers and our family, were big obstacles that prevented me from learning the truth and practicing Dafa.
I had a passion and interest in the media. After I graduated from university, I got a job in a newspaper's online media division. But I started to care more about fame and self-interest, and gradually my dream of becoming a journalist faded. In China's pervasive atmosphere of corruption, I thought taking money in return for writing a “story” was not wrong.
My face became covered with acne. I was depressed. I was stressed out due to the complicated relationships at work. The difference between my expectations and ideals and the reality of my life was huge. I couldn't deal with it anymore because no one had taught me how to handle it. I decided to quit my job in 2017.
Although I didn't know about Master's teaching regarding the attachment to personal gain at that time, I was influenced by my mother a lot. When I left my job, I felt relieved. I think it was Master's arrangement.
My mother suggested I go to New York. I did, but I was full of doubt. Because my mother wasn’t directly persecuted in China, I stubbornly refused to believe the persecution is real. Practitioners in New York told me how they had been persecuted in China and had to leave home and come to the U.S. as a result. I started to realize that I had been thoroughly brainwashed and poisoned by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) for 20 years.
I reflected on how I behaved. I felt so regretful about my subversive mentality and how badly I had always treated my mother. I let go of all my doubts and the mentality of protecting myself. I read through all the truth-clarification information available and watched all the videos. I thus gained a whole new understanding of Falun Dafa, but I was still far removed from genuine cultivation.
Melting Sawdust in Molten Steel
I was fortunate to see Master for the first time at the Washington, D.C. Fa Conference in June 2018. The venue was massive and filled with practitioners. I was so far away that I couldn't see Master’s face clearly. Everyone around me wept when Master walked in. At first, I wondered why people were crying. I thought, “I wouldn't cry.” But as soon as Master started to teach the Fa, I burst into tears and couldn't stop. I told myself that it wasn't too late to begin practicing.
When I returned to New York, I joined other practitioners in clarifying the truth at tourist sites. But I felt that I was doing it as a routine task. I didn't study the Fa well every day, and I didn't know how to answer some of the hard questions the tourists asked. I blamed myself, yet I didn't know how to improve.
I thought I could use my expertise in the media to save people. Fortunately, I was invited to join the media. It's also a group environment for cultivation. I began to understand how to improve my personal cultivation and be more diligent.
The work in the newsroom is very fast-paced. Every second is precious. My job is to edit news footage. I directly participated in clarifying the truth to save people. I dared not make any mistakes. Once I was assigned a news piece about the Shen Yun Symphony Orchestra. The deadline was tight, and I was still not very fluent in editing. I was worried about missing the broadcast. A colleague offered help and took it over.
But afterwards, the producer questioned the team and asked why shaky footage was used in the Shen Yun Symphony Orchestra news piece. My first reaction was to shirk responsibility–I didn't do it. I pretended that I didn't notice it. But that didn't sound right. Am I a cultivator? The colleague wanted to help me. Why did I want to blame him? This must not be my true self. After I thought it over, I said, “It was because of my negligence. I have to pay more attention next time.” Although I admitted it and apologized, I still didn't feel good. At that moment, the colleague said that he was responsible and that he should have done the final check more carefully. Then, another colleague said that it was because the footage he provided was not good enough. I felt so ashamed. The producer said that it was all right, and thanks to our cooperation, we didn't miss the broadcast.
Such selfless cooperation made me realize that our media is not just a job but also a cultivation environment. When we encounter problems, each of us looks within. We made a mistake on such an important news story. My first impulse was not to look within, but to shirk responsibility. My xinxing was poor compared to that of fellow practitioners.
Master said,
“If a piece of sawdust drops into a furnace of molten steel, it will vanish in a twinkling. It would be effortless for an immense Fa such as ours to assimilate a person like you, to eliminate your karma, to remove your improper thoughts, and so forth.” (Lecture at the First Conference in North America)
This experience helped me understand how hard-earned and precious this group environment of cultivation is for me. Conflicts are inevitable. Master told us that they are not coincidences, that they are to improve our xinxing. Those bad thoughts are like sawdust. As long as we discipline ourselves based on the Fa and remember to use these opportunities to cultivate and improve, things will get better.
There are many challenges in cultivation. Sometimes I feel very incapable and anxious at work. Sometimes I feel wronged and cry when colleagues say something unpleasant or that I don't want to hear. Sometimes I complain that the work is too tiring or I was sleepy after working at night. But whenever I have these negative thoughts, I remind myself about why I joined the media and why I cultivate. Deep in my heart, I feel the mission each of us has, and I feel even more proud to be a Dafa disciple.
Positive Changes in Me
Due to my responsibilities at work, I didn't participate in the Brooklyn parade in New York this November. Instead, for the first time, I handed out flyers to passersby. I felt this time I did better in clarifying the truth than before.
In the past, when I clarified the truth at tourist sites, I felt the older generations would think that such a young girl knew nothing about history. But this time I was able to fluently tell people about the beauty of Dafa. I could see from their eyes their positive feelings. Some people said, “So many young people are practicing Falun Dafa. I should check it out.”
These changes must be due to Master's strengthening in addition to the hard work and cooperation practitioners put into the parade to make it so spectacular. People were astonished. Although I was only a small part of it, I could sense my responsibility. It also helped me gain confidence in clarifying the truth in the future. I know that I am no longer that little practitioner who didn't understand anything.
I told my father, relatives, and friends in China about my experience in the United States. In the beginning, they were strongly opposed my staying in the U.S. Gradually they became to understand and to have a better attitude towards me and my mother. I know this is a big test of my steadfastness in cultivation for a new practitioner like me.
Thank you, Master, for giving me the chance to cultivate. I will definitely do well.
Thank you, Master! Thank you all!
(Presented at the 2019 NTD and Epoch Times Fa Conference)
