(Minghui.org) I'm a young Falun Dafa disciple who started practicing in 2014.
My father does not practice Dafa, but he is kind. However, he has a bad temper and always has the final say. Everyone in our family is afraid of him. I had been timid since childhood and was slow when talking or carrying out tasks. My father often scolded me, which was not helpful. Even when I did a good job with something. I didn't expect any praise from my parents and thought that they didn't like me.
While at university, I was hospitalized after being diagnosed with an acute gastric ulcer. My health deteriorated, and I had a nervous breakdown. I later suffered from depression and took medication for about three or four years. If I overheard anybody speaking negatively about me, I would become anxious, develop a headache and have insomnia. Taking medicine did not always help.
The Turning Point
With the help of family and friends, I decided to practice Falun Dafa in 2014. And with the guidance of Master Li Hongzhi, the founder of Falun Dafa, I experienced a turning point in my life.
I regained my health soon after I began practicing. I also regained my confidence and was no longer depressed.
I chastised my brother for not telling me or our father about Falun Dafa earlier.
“I did give you Zhuan Falun,” he said. “You read a few pages and stopped. I talked to father a few times as well. He watched one of Master's video lectures, wrote down some questions about the practice, and turned off the video before it was finished. He asked me to answer all the questions he had written down. I'm sorry I didn't help him more.”
Clarifying the Truth to My Father
We celebrated the Chinese New Year at my brother's home. I had begun to study Master's lectures a lot and improved in my cultivation significantly.
After lunch I spent some time with my father and decided to clarify the truth to him using my experiences in cultivation. I was calm and remembered Master's teaching:
“I’ve often said this: if you sincerely do it for the other person’s sake, and there is nothing self-serving on your part, your words will be able to move the other party to tears.” (“Fa Teaching on World Falun Dafa Day”)
I reminded my father of the illnesses that had plagued me over the past ten years, the difficulties I faced, and my many visits to the doctor. I told him how my life changed after my health was restored through practicing Dafa.
“Falun Dafa is indeed very good,” I said. “I will keep practicing it because I cannot find any good reasons not to. I hope that you will not oppose or prevent me from practicing.”
He listened to me without a word. I felt Master strengthening me. My father looked very serious and said that he did not object to me practicing Dafa.
I was really pleased that my father didn't object, nor did he shout at me. He whispered, “There are a lot of false and bad things around.”
I was surprised and told him that this was not true in Falun Dafa's case. But he did not respond.
Remembering that day, I realize that I should have sent righteous thoughts to dissolve the evil factors behind him. Instead, I acted zealously. I became angry and resentful after he whispered to me.
Talking to My Father for a Second Time
I was arrested for my faith soon after I returned to work. I lost my job as a result, and for fear of what my father might say, I went to stay at my brother's place when I was released instead of going home.
Having experienced persecution, I developed resentment and combativeness. When some local practitioners saw my poor cultivation state and learned of my father's attitude, two of them decided to go home with me to clarify the truth to him.
I became nervous at the thought of seeing my father. I remembered how he was so critical of me as a child. My mind was full of resentment, but I reminded myself that as a practitioner I shouldn't be like that, and I tried to control my emotions.
The two practitioners talked to my father patiently about the goodness of Dafa and about the persecution. After listening to them, my father quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and acknowledged that Falun Dafa is indeed good.
I realized that I became nervous when I was with my father and that I harbored resentment toward him in my heart. I tried my best to let go of these feelings, but still I felt a barrier between us. I was amicable on the outside but not so in my heart. He must have sensed this.
New Insights
I was soon offered a job at a small company. I felt that this job was less prestigious compared to the large corporation that I used to work for, and I was unhappy with the heavy workload and low salary. I thus became irritable and spoke aggressively to my colleagues. I looked within for the cause of my dissatisfaction, but I couldn't let go of the fundamental attachments behind my predicament.
Consequently, I was reported to the police and lost my job again. I went to my brother's home again, full of resentment and complaints. I quarreled with him and his wife sometimes. I studied the Fa, but my cultivation state did not improve. My sister-in-law asked me to talk to a practitioner who had cultivated very well and might be able to help me.
I cried while talking to this practitioner because I felt I had been mistreated. She scolded me, which made me feel even worse. I said to her, “My sister-in-law said you are very kind. I thought you would comfort me, but you didn’t. You're not compassionate.”
“I didn't scold you,” she responded, “I was talking to the demon that controls you. The demon feels wronged. You are a Falun Dafa practitioner, one of the most fortunate people in the universe. Why would you have any grievances? It's not you who feels wronged. That thing feels wronged. It's a living being. We'd better send righteous thoughts to eliminate it and not allow it to interfere with you anymore.”
When I was sending righteous thoughts, I saw an ugly ox-like monster with a twisted body full of resentment and grief. It left me unwillingly. But I still didn't feel real compassion afterward.
I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate my attachments to resentment and combativeness, but it didn't achieve good results. Through studying the Fa, I realized that sending forth righteous thoughts was not enough—I must cultivate myself solidly.
Changing Fundamentally
I took my boyfriend, who was also a practitioner, home to see my father after I had been practicing Falun Dafa for three years. Instead of feeling happy, I worried that I wouldn't be able to communicate well with my father. Resentment and combativeness were like a partition that separated us. I wanted to pull down this partition.
I made the down payment on an apartment for my parents. My father was very happy and praised me in front of his friends and old classmates. Yet we still couldn't really communicate. As soon as I realized this, I knew that I had to fundamentally change my attitude.
After I got married, my husband often reminded me that I should respect my parents and be kind to people. However, I often argued with my parents and mother-in-law. My husband told me that I had not kept in mind Falun Dafa’s principles of Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance.
Improving My Cultivation State
Due to my bad behavior, I experienced difficulties with my mother-in-law. Consequently, I decided that I needed to improve myself. I should at least be tolerant and considerate, even if I couldn't be kind. I realized that I shouldn't argue with my father either, no matter what he said. I also needed to let go of resentment toward others.
Due to the persecution, my brother was incarcerated in a forced labor camp, and I lost my job twice. The local police often harassed my father, leaving him resentful. However, with time, he accepted the inevitable and resigned himself to the situation. He put up with the pressure of the persecution in silence but still held a lot of misunderstandings about Dafa. He lived by himself and had to do a lot of farm work despite his bad health. Life was not easy for him.
“I can handle the situation with my father now,” I said to my husband, “I can see the situation from his perspective and understand his difficulties. I should try to make him happy.”
My husband and I, along with our son, visited my father and stayed for a week. I felt at ease with him and was not at all nervous. I did everything for him and didn't think of myself. This made him really happy, and the bad feelings between us vanished.
In the past, I failed tests again and again when dealing with my father. But with improvement in cultivation, I managed to let go of resentment and aggression. Now, I am striving to reach a state of selflessness.
Category: Improving Oneself
