(Minghui.org) “Who doesn't feel lost when they're young?”
That question once applied to me. Fortunately, I came across Dafa and started practicing, allowing me to see the brightness in my life.
Once Vulnerable and Lost
I grew up as an only child in a happy home. From the time I was young, my parents protected me in every possible way and hoped that I would become successful. Thus, I was always the “golden girl” in the eyes of relatives and friends and was admitted to a prestigious university without ever encountering many setbacks. However, I always felt that I was sensitive, vulnerable, dependent, and naive, especially when compared to others my age.
Many people dreamed of going to the university where I went. But I felt lost in that academic world. Where was the integrity and purity I had hoped to find? I started thinking about life and couldn't accept my reality, leaving me physically and mentally exhausted.
Due to my sensitiveness and vulnerability, I couldn't think calmly when I encountered a problem and could only secretly wallow in my sadness. I hoped to find tranquility and longed to reach a calm state. However, almost every trivial thing upset me. I felt hopeless.
I started listening to pop songs, watching dramas and movies, and going out with friends because I couldn't calm down to study. However, the more I tried to fill my time, the more empty I felt. The entertainment that others found relaxing made me anxious and seemed pointless to me. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown and my grades plummeted.
My parents came to see me before I took my postgraduate admission exams. They couldn't recognize me – now quite plump, with my hair messed up, wearing a black shirt and a dazed expression.
During those days, nobody knew how much I longed for sunshine in my heart.
Dafa Illuminates My Soul
I was out walking one winter night before I graduated, and felt that there was no warmth in the city around me. I felt that both the world and I were incredibly absurd.
When I was out walking again, I suddenly had a strong feeling that I would soon find a good path to follow, one that would allow me to hold on after encountering so much that was unsatisfactory. It was an inexplicable yet firm intuition, one that I have never forgotten.
Not long after, I received a letter about Falun Gong. I didn't know who wrote it but I felt that this was a special gift. It wasn't until later that I understood how precious that letter was—I was finally saved, even though it took me two years to start practicing Falun Gong.
Because my grades weren't very good, I got a job with a corporation after I graduated. Two years later, when I was 23, I got breast hyperplasia. The pain often woke me up in the middle of the night. I also had allergies that affected my eyes, nose, and throat and had to take medicine to hold them at bay. I sprained my legs when I was in university and had reversed cervical lordosis, which caused a constant tightness in my chest and made me feel out of breath. I often visited the hospital and had many physical exams.
At work, I set high requirements for myself and was afraid that I would not do well. Each work day felt like a year to me.
Finally, I switched on the computer and decided to read the e-book version of Falun Gong's main text, Zhuan Falun, after someone sent it to me.
As I read, my hands subconsciously massaged my back and spine. After reading the whole afternoon, I didn't feel tired at all and instead felt very relaxed. Though I was very nearsighted, my eyes didn't bother me after looking at the computer screen for so long. In the past, both my back and head would ache if I surfed the Internet for even a little while.
My allergies seemed to have disappeared, too. This was too mystical! Moreover, it had been a long time since I could calmly read a book for any length of time. I felt very happy and enriched.
The Fa-principles in the book intrigued me. I was like a little kid hearing of these principles for the first time, and I believed them without a doubt. I didn't know that there was a set criterion to measure good and bad in this world and that suffering losses doesn't necessarily mean to truly lose. It's because society's moral values are declining, and I shouldn't follow the crowd; my being kind was actually not wrong!
From the time I was young, no one ever told me that I should be kind. Instead, everyone said that I was too kind and would lose out, that I should learn to protect myself so that I wouldn't be bullied, and to adjust to society by getting smarter. But I didn't want to accept that. I felt conflicted and lost, not knowing what kind of person I should become.
Should I become what others wanted me to be? But I couldn't seem to change my personality, and I didn't want to go against my will. Wrestling with these twisted notions, I felt that I was weak and had no abilities. I thought that being kind was a shortcoming, and I felt inferior.
Master said,
“The universe is by nature good and kind, and so when a person is first born he shares in its defining qualities: zhen, shan, ren.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
“And this is in fact the meaning of life.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
Master showed me that being kind and unselfish is the true nature of a being. I understood that the meaning of life is to assimilate to the universe's characteristic of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and return to one's true home.
I knew that I was still far from that standard, but I knew that I could elevate and become better. I wanted to cultivate and have a Master. How wonderful and sacred! This was the Way I had been looking for!
I was no longer lost, and my life finally had a direction. Dafa was like a light in my heart, chasing away the darkness and guiding me to distant shores.
Cultivation Transforms Me Physically and Mentally
I couldn't wait to go home and start doing the exercises after learning them. It was summertime and I kept sweating when I practiced the exercises, even though I usually don't sweat much. After finishing the first four exercises, I looked at my legs and saw two puddles of water around my feet; my clothes were soaked. I had never sweat so much in my life! I felt so comfortable and relaxed. I continued to perspire a lot later when doing the exercises, and I could feel my body getting better.
I sometimes did the exercises in the morning before going to work. When I walked down the stairs and outside, passing by the market to the bus stop, I seemed to walk so effortlessly and quickly. I saw people at the market looking at me; they thought I was walking on air.
In the past, I often spent a lot of money on clothes, thinking that expensive clothes would make me look good, but they didn't. Later, I started buying inexpensive clothes from roadside vendors, and everyone commented that I looked good, even asking where I shopped. It was because cultivation had changed me completely—I look good in everything when I am not picky about what I wear.
When I went home shortly after taking up cultivation, my parents saw how much better I looked. They were so happy, they couldn't stop taking photos of me, commenting that I looked very good.
My soul has been cleansed since I started cultivating, and I haven't taken a single pill. In the past, I often listened to pop songs and went out to sing karaoke because I was a good singer and wanted to hear words of praise. But after I did, I always felt a sense of emptiness. After I became a cultivator, I gave up on those songs and no longer listen to or sing them. I now listen to Dafa music and songs composed by Dafa disciples, because they give me a sense of calmness and purity.
I dislike reading books. Though I was good in my studies, I only read some magazines and novels apart from my textbooks. I was a science student and didn't know anything about history. After I became a practitioner, I finally understood how broad and profound Chinese traditional culture is and that it is a divinely-imparted culture. I downloaded the culture programs from Minghui.org to listen to and gradually become less naive and impetuous. With the Fa in my heart and guided by traditional culture, wisdom comes naturally to me.
In the past, I was not familiar with ancient poetry and couldn't understand it even if I had to memorize one for class. Now, I know how to write poetry and even antithetical couplets.
My husband, who is also a practitioner, studied Chinese language and literature in university, so he knew how to write classical Chinese poetry. The poems that he wrote were about history, cultivation, and time and place. When we got married, we both wrote a dozen antithetical couplets and pasted them on our doors. For our wedding, we played music composed by Dafa disciples. Though our wedding was simple, it was very meaningful.
Walking On the Path of Godhood
Looking back on when I first left home and ventured out into society at university, I was lost, with many worries about my studies, career, and marriage. I confessed my feeling of being lost many times to other people but could never find an answer. I cried alone on many nights and didn't know what to do.
Now, those lost and hopeless days are long gone. I married my practitioner husband and we are in the teaching profession. Both of us hope to share the wonderfulness of Dafa.
Dafa has helped me become mature, brave, and strong. I was reborn in Dafa, and my youth was not wasted.
Master said, “You are people walking the path to godhood” (“New Year’s Greetings” in The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol. III)
I want to follow Master and cultivate to the end. No words in this human world can describe my gratitude to Master.
