(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1998. It saved me during the lowest point of my life. My life had new meaning and my husband also began practicing.
The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started the persecution against Falun Dafa in 1999. Other practitioners in the area visited us. We shared our cultivation experiences and decided to join efforts to spread the truth about the persecution. We passed out pamphlets every day.
I made a vow: I would stand up and deny the slander against Falun Dafa and it's founder, Master Li Hongzhi. No amount of beating or detention would make me waver.
Ten years after I made my vow, I began to feel that working to stop the persecution was the same as cultivation. My ambition got the better of me. I couldn't concentrate during Fa-study and did it only as a formality.
Whenever I had conflicts with other practitioners, I did not search within myself. I pushed away these opportunities to improve my cultivation. Gradually, we became distant. My jealousy, resentment, vanity, and selfishness all surfaced. It got so bad that I started to gossip about and criticize other practitioners.
I was arrested a few times, but it wasn't until I was sent to a labor camp again in 2011 that I saw my loophole. I thought, “I'm Master’s disciple. Master hasn't arranged for His disciples to be detained and sent to prison. I'm helping with the Fa-rectification, so I shouldn't be persecuted.”
After I returned home, I studied the Fa intensively and I was given hints. Every time I read the words “genuine cultivators”, they stood out. I thought, “Is it because I haven't been genuinely cultivating myself so I'm not up to the standard of a genuine cultivator? Master said in one of His lectures, “some people still aren't aware of them and aren't willing to face up to their cultivation situation or see their shortcomings. Then could you call that cultivation?” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IX)
When I examined myself I found many attachments. I decided to always look for my own shortcomings first whenever there was a conflict.
It was like a light bulb had suddenly gone on in me. Since 2014, I've studied two lectures of Zhuan Falun every day in addition to memorizing the Fa. I began examining every thought to make sure it's up to the Fa's standard.
Our cultivation is based on the Fa. We'll have wisdom and guidance if we study and internalize it. If we judge things based on the Fa we'll be able to see our problems from a higher level, thus help Master with Fa-rectification.
Ms. Wang, a practitioner in our area was arrested three months ago. Rumor had it that she gave away a few practitioners' names.
The fear of arrest was intense. Some practitioners were so scared that they stopped making pamphlets. This was the topic of all our conversations. Some were angry about Ms. Wang’s betrayal. Several practitioners warned me about my safety because I had worked closely with her.
Ms. Wang is a single mother and works as a nanny. Prior to her arrest, I made pamphlets and we would pass them out together. We worked very efficiently together. Her arrest was a big loss for us.
Master said, “As true practitioners, we should look at issues from a very high level instead of from the perspective of everyday people.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I thought, “We had strong righteous thoughts when we worked together, her arrest won't affect me.” Several practitioners warned me about safety. When the third group of practitioners from a neighboring town came to tell me about Ms. Wang's arrest, I felt as if there was a pit in my throat. I was arrested and detained several times. I knew the horrific situation she was in and I felt she needed our support.
I told them, “Wouldn't it be more helpful if we sent forth righteous thoughts for her? It's the least we can do for each other since we are one body with one mission. Our negativity won't help her. Is this what Master wanted? Shouldn't we support her with righteous thoughts?”
I realized that even though no practitioner is perfect, every one of us was chosen by Master. We need to help each other, not alienate those caught up in tribulations. This mindset of criticism is often caused by fear. Setting our mind right is vital in our cultivation.
A practitioner gave me 50 posters. The posters explained the truth behind the persecution of Falun Dafa. Local practitioners and I put up many similar posters in our area several years ago.
Nowadays, surveillance cameras are in every town and village. Practitioners who were spotted on camera were visited by police and some were arrested. Three of these practitioners were sentenced to prison terms. I felt the pressure and thought, “I'll just finish these and do something else later.”
As soon as I finished putting up the 50 posters, I was given 100 more. I became upset and said, “Why don’t you give some to others?”
Before I finished the 100 posters, another 70 were delivered. I began to think this wasn't a coincidence.
I found the fear deep inside that I had avoided facing all these years. In China, anything to do with Falun Dafa is considered dangerous. I realized that I distributed them as a job to be done. How could I help Master awaken people with this kind of mentality?
I asked myself, “If Master gave me those posters to distribute, would I do it? Would I think it unfair?” My heart calmed down.
One night I had a strong mental struggle before I went out. My instincts told me I would be caught. I even thought about hiding the materials in my home. At that moment I remembered Master’s words,
“In the future, these situations will surface again to give you this false impression and make you feel as though they do not exist and are all false—it is to see whether you are determined. You say that you must be firm and sure-footed. With this determination, if you can indeed be firmly resolute at that point, you will naturally do well because your xinxing will have already improved.”(Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I thought, “Master gave me my life and I'm a Falun Dafa practitioner. Our mission is to help awaken sentient beings. Nothing is worthy of interfering!”
Those negative thoughts never came back. With righteous thoughts, I now efficiently put up posters. My relationships with the other practitioners have also improved.
http://www.minghui.org/mh/articles/2019/12/30/逆流而上登高峰-398008.html