(Minghui.org) For many years, I had an intense fear of death. I was afraid every day and had a hard time sleeping at night. After a friend introduced me to Falun Dafa in 2004, the attachment of fear became an obstacle that caused me many tribulations.
In the early days of my cultivation, whenever I heard that someone had gotten sick or was diagnosed with cancer, I felt like that was going to happen to me. I would think, “You are going to die!”
I understood the principles of the Fa, but every day, I still had the thought that I would die. I eventually realized that I wouldn’t die since I was learning Dafa.
Master said,
“Fear can cause one to make mistakes, and fear can cause one to lose a predestined opportunity. Fear is a death trap on a human being’s journey toward divinity.” (“Pass the Deadly Test,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol. III)
“That's how it is in principle. But how could a divine being have ordinary people administer treatment on him? And how could ordinary people heal a divine being's sickness? (Applause) (Teacher laughs) These are Fa principles. But often the case is that you really don't come across as having all that strong of righteous thoughts. When you can't handle yourself well, then go ahead. If your mind is unsteady, that means you are not meeting the standard to begin with, and prolonging the process won't lead to any changes. And if someone holds out for the purpose of saving face, that is adding attachments on top of attachments. In such cases there are only two choices: You either go to the hospital and thus give up on trying to overcome the test, or you completely let go of everything, behave like an upstanding and noble Dafa disciple who has no resentment or attachments, and leave it to Master to arrange whether you stay or go. When you are able to do that, you are a god.” (Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles)
I realized that I was afraid of sickness karma and death: “If I always go to the hospital and give up on overcoming the tribulation, then how can I still cultivate? I should let Master control my fate.” Yet, I still couldn’t overcome my fear. The fear became so overwhelming that I nearly collapsed physically and mentally.
I asked Master for help. I knelt in front of his photo and said, “Master, how can I cultivate if I behave like this every day?”
The next day, the fear of death and sickness karma was gone—Master had cleared it away.
A neighbor who was also a practitioner passed away due to the persecution. His death had such an impact on me that I was fearful for three miserable nights.
The first night, I woke up in a cold sweat. I started to send forth righteous thoughts and memorize the Fa.
The second night, I was more afraid than the previous night. A thought lingered in my mind: “Leave soon and go home with that practitioner.” I sent righteous thoughts and constantly recited the Fa to strengthen my righteous thoughts.
The third night, I woke up covered in sweat. I felt like I had slept for a long time, but it had only been an hour. A thought kept urging me to, “Hurry up! Run over to that practitioner's home.” I denied it by sending righteous thoughts and memorizing Master's Fa.
I went to another practitioner's home on the fourth day to pick up posters about the practitioner who had passed away. I went out to put them up after I sent righteous thoughts.
I was fatigued physically and mentally after three days of confrontation between good and evil. I didn't know what to expect later that evening, but as a practitioner, I had to keep moving forward. I needed to have righteous thoughts and do what a Dafa practitioner should do.
I finished putting up the posters and went home. The oppressive feeling of fear was suddenly gone. I felt the sky had cleared and my body had become light.
In the spring of 2008, another practitioner who lived near me died due to sickness karma. I had been dropping off the Minghui newsletter and Master’s lectures to her every week. In front of other people, her daughter blamed me for her mother’s death because I gave her mother Dafa information to read. She made it her mission to tell anyone who would listen.
I felt so overwhelmed by the daughter’s accusation and her mother’s death that it was hard for me to breathe. I didn’t know how much more I could endure.
My niece happened to call me the next day to ask me to go to her place, so I didn't attend the practitioner’s funeral. After that, my heart ached and I couldn't bear to be alone. If no one stayed with me in the evening, I couldn't fall asleep due to extreme fear. I had to stay at another practitioner's home for 12 days until my daughter returned home.
On my first night back home, I slept in my daughter’s room, but I didn't close my eyes for nearly the whole night. I decided that I had to overcome this tribulation without relying on anyone.
I stayed home alone for seven days, fighting the attachment of fear. I eventually eliminated it and felt normal again.
I often went out to tell people the facts about Dafa with Zhang Jie in 2012. She rented a room that had a sliding door in the middle of it. Zhang lived on one side while the owner lived on the other.
The owner once came over to get some water. When she opened the sliding door, I saw she had a shrine of all kinds of weird things and could tell she was a fortuneteller. Once I saw those things, I became frightened again.
Several days later, Zhang sent a message saying that she was going out and asked me to stay in her room. She also asked me to open the window to air it out.
The next day, I went to her room and opened the window during the day. I left my backpack in the room and went outside to make truth-clarification phone calls. A gust of wind blew the door closed, so I couldn’t get back in. I had to go to another practitioner’s home to get the key, so I could get my bag.
I didn’t reflect on what had happened or think much of it. Back home, I encountered a weasel when I was riding my bicycle into the city. It ran away after it saw me. I’d only heard about these creatures but hadn’t seen one since I was a child. I wondered why I’d suddenly come across it.
A few days later, my mother-in-law invited me over for lunch. When I rode my bicycle up to her door, I saw a big snake. It slithered across the road and disappeared.
I couldn’t sleep that night. The snake would appear in front of me as soon as I closed my eyes. I knew I needed to look within, but I was frightened of what I might see.
Master said:
“A lot of people seem to think animals are just incredibly fierce and that they can control people easily. Actually, I’d say they aren’t fierce—they’re nothing before a true cultivator. Big deal if they’ve cultivated almost 1,000 years, a pinky is more than enough to crush them.” (The Third Talk, Zhuan Falun)
“Why are you afraid of these things?” I asked myself. “How are you positioning Master and Dafa? Aren’t you being unrighteous?” I silently told Master that I was wrong and I had to remove the fear.
A few days later, a practitioner asked me to clean her house once a week. I went to her house and saw several Buddha statues on the south balcony and strange creatures on the north balcony. I thought this was a test for me, to see if I had cultivated solidly. After I finished cleaning the house, I sat down to send forth righteous thoughts to eradicate the evil spirits.
Hao Yi had symptoms of heart disease for five years. It didn’t improve no matter how hard she tried to look inward and send righteous thoughts.
Another practitioner in my area passed away, so I called Hao to ask if she wanted to go to the funeral with me. She refused.
I later asked her, “Are you afraid of the dead?” She said that she couldn't sleep at night if she saw a dead body. Even after her son passed away, she would take a detour to avoid passing by where he had accidentally died.
I helped her locate her attachment, and after that day, she focused on eliminating her fear. Her symptoms of illness eventually disappeared.
I have encountered several elderly practitioners who were afraid to live alone. Many of them have looked within to see if it is their fear that is causing that behavior.
During my cultivation, fear has manifested in many different ways. I was only able to eliminate them through constant Fa-study and memorization, sending righteous thoughts, and clarifying the truth to save people. As long as we firmly believe in Master and the Fa, and face our fears, our human notions can be eliminated.