(Minghui.net) I have experienced two major ailments, both of which left me in extreme pain. I believe that one's righteous thoughts must be steadfast and we must firmly believe in Master Li and Dafa during such tests.
The first started with tightness in my chest. Initially, it was difficult to breathe and I felt weak all over. I thought the closed doors and windows were preventing the air from circulating, so I opened the window, put my head out, and breathed deeply. This only made it more difficult to breathe.
I still felt weak, found it difficult to stand up, and became dizzy. Something inside my chest was slowly rising, and the higher it rose, the harder it was to breathe.
When the feeling reached my neck, I felt like I was dying. As I started to lose my balance, a thought entered my mind: “It's time to go ...” At that moment, if I had hesitated even a little and fallen over, I would have died. But I shouted as loudly as I could, “Master, save me!”
Suddenly, the rising sensation in my chest stopped. I felt instantly relieved and gulped in a huge breath. I was completely exhausted. If I had listened to the thought karma, the old forces would have won. I realized what sudden death meant. An ordinary person with these symptoms could have died in a matter of minutes.
I looked inward and realized that I had been taking care of my daughter-in-law who had just given birth and had slacked off in studying the Fa and doing the exercises. I hadn't made time for them.
Every day, all day long, I cleaned the house and looked after the baby. Even when studying the Fa, I couldn't focus my mind. I was gripped by the old forces. Master Li said:
“Because he wants to cultivate, though, the evil will try to stop him from cultivating. And when you don't cultivate solidly you become a target for the evil's persecution.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York”)
I said to Master in my heart, “I was wrong. I must catch up.” So I got up at 3:00 a.m. every day to do the exercises and study the Fa. Only after that did I do the housework. My cultivation state got better and better.
The second instance of illness karma was even more severe. Initially, I felt feverish and the fever became worse and worse. My older sister wanted to check my temperature. I said, “No, it's not an illness!”
The most unbearable thing was a backache. It felt like thumb-sized iron pins were piercing and moving around in my kidneys. Turning over caused tremendous pain. I was shivering, and my face was covered in sweat.
A fellow practitioner came to my home, sat on the side of my bed, and sent righteous thoughts. At that moment, a bad thought came to my mind: “Don't get up. Just give in.”
I sent out a very strong thought, instead: “I don't want to lie here, I must get up to send righteous thoughts, I don't accept your evil persecution.”
My mother and my sister wanted to help me sit up when they saw I was in so much pain. I said, “I can do it.” When I used my right hand to push myself up, my whole body convulsed and tears and sweat dripped down my face.
My sister cried as she wiped my face. I asked Master to give me strength and was determined to deny the persecution. The other practitioner also said, “You can get up.”
I felt an awl moving inside my lower back. I said out loud, “Master, I am not afraid to die, but my life is part of Dafa. If I leave this way, my family won't understand and may have a negative impression of Dafa. Please help me.”
Finally, I sat up and sent righteous thoughts for at least 40 minutes. The fever was gone, my lower back didn't hurt as much, and I was able to do some housework.
I found the reason for this tribulation, too. My son and his wife had quarreled, and my granddaughter came to me crying, “Grandma, Mom and Dad had a quarrel and said they are going to get divorced.”
I was drawn into their conflict and was taken advantage of by the old forces. Master said:
“...the life prolonged beyond your predestined time to live is completely reserved for your practice. If your mind goes wrong a little bit, your life will be in danger because your lifetime should have long been over.” (Lecture One in Zhuan Falun)
This incident taught me a big lesson, and I immediately let go of my emotional attachment to my son and daughter-in-law. I couldn't represent them, nor could I control them.
Experiencing sickness karma twice made me realize that when pain reaches the limit of tolerance, we must be as firm as a rock in believing in Dafa and Master. We mustn't listen to thought karma. When the physical pain and thought karma attacked together, I could only persevere with 100% pure righteous thoughts!
Category: Improving Oneself
