(Minghui.org) The “self” is the fundamental property of the old universe. It is generated from selfishness. There are many attachments that cannot be removed because the self is taking effect. When I recently looked within for reasons why my cultivation state was poor, I found that the root of my issues was caused by my failure to let go of self.
Recently, I felt that my heart was not as firm as in the past. When I encountered a little interference, I would be tempted to ignore it. In the process of clarifying the truth about Dafa face to face, I couldn’t speak with a pure mindset. My selecting someone to clarify the truth felt more like completing a task.
In the past when the environment was tense, I was very firm inside. The environment is relatively loose now, but I am not as firm in my heart. When I went out to clarify the truth to people and saw young people, I thought, “I won’t offer to give them truth-clarification materials because most of them don’t accept it. It will be pointless to ask.”
I also didn’t want to open my mouth to talk when I saw lots of people, feeling it was easier to talk to one or two people. Deep down in my heart, I knew this was wrong, but I didn’t have the intention to make a break through. I couldn’t figure out where I went wrong.
I went home to study Zhuan Falun and read the following Fa where Master spoke about the celestial eye:
“The surface of the body is neither smooth nor regular. Any matter in the universe, such as steel, iron, and rock are the same, and inside, all of their molecular elements are in motion. You cannot see their entire form, and they are actually not stable. This table is also squirming, yet your eyes cannot see the truth. This pair of eyes can give one a false impression like that.” (Lecture Two, Zhuan Falun)
Reading this Fa helped me to realize that I was disturbed by what was happening on the “surface” (people’s behavior) and by “not seeing, not believing.” Regardless of how badly people behaved or how bad what they said was, their real selves were hoping to be saved. Their beings in another dimension may be crying, hoping to hear the truth to be saved! Enlightening to this principle revived my righteous thoughts.
Although my righteous thoughts arose, I still felt that I had hidden attachments. Yet I couldn't find them. While cooking that evening, I listened to a sharing article that spoke of studying the Fa while imprisoned. It talked about a practitioner's feelings when Dafa is denigrated.
I suddenly understood what was wrong with me. It was because I didn’t let go of my “self,” that is, the false self that formed postnatally. Meanwhile, I also understood why I couldn’t get up to send forth righteous thoughts at midnight. It was because I regarded the false self as the real me, wanting to make myself comfortable. That was a temptation I didn’t want to break through.
This was also the reason for my incorrect state when clarifying the truth, that is, I didn’t want to hear or see any reactions that would make the false self feel uncomfortable. Greater importance was given to the interests of the false self than to clarifying the truth. If I continue this way and can’t break through this false self, I will slack off more and more. It will also become more and more difficult to break through the attachment.
I was shocked while thinking about and absorbing this. I sighed, thinking that seeking comfort is like poisonous alcohol. Realizing this, I suddenly felt bright and knew what I should do in the future. I felt the beauty of removing attachments in cultivation.
Looking back, sometimes a certain attachment was too strong. I see, in fact, it was a pursuit by the false self. But I regarded it as a pursuit by the real self, and didn’t want to face it, endure it, and mention it. It was, however, the role of that false self.
By no longer valuing one's human interests, and instead putting others first, one can eliminate the false self, understand others better, and cooperate better with others. One can also improve more, cultivate solidly, step out of selfishness, and generate greater compassion.