(Minghui.org) In some areas of China, people refer to celebrating the Chinese New Year as “Passing New Year Trials.” It means only by getting over the prior year smoothly can a brand-new year begin. During the 2021 Chinese New Year, I made breakthroughs in a few xinxing tests. I felt that I indeed went through “New Year Trials.”
Calling My Father in China
My family in China sent me photos of their big family get-together. As soon as I saw them, I began to recall the busy scenes of celebrating the Chinese New Year before I left China. I was immediately moved by sentimentality.
I picked up the phone to call my dad. The moment he answered, my eyes filled with tears. I was engulfed in a wave of homesickness.
I hadn’t seen my dad for more than a decade. I was born in the 90s. I was a young girl when I left China. Now I am a married woman.
My parents divorced many years ago. My dad didn’t fulfill his responsibilities as a husband and father even before they divorced. He was indifferent to my mother and me. After they divorced, my mom brought me with her, and I've lived outside China for several years. My mother's life and mine were very difficult, and we had only each other.
After I began practicing Falun Dafa, my resentment for my father subsided. I realized I was not a filial daughter, so I began calling him. Even though he sometimes still said unpleasant things or complained about me, I just let it go. One time he commented, “Even though I say bad things about you, you don’t get upset or hate me. I noticed that.”
This time when I phoned my father, I was nearly overcome with emotion. He probably heard me sobbing. He didn’t say anything but tried to comfort me. After I hung up, my tears kept flowing. Looking in the mirror at my face, which was a mess from crying, it was as if I were looking at another person. I knew this was a trial and I had to pass it.
Master said,
“Emotion is something that’s very difficult to let go of. Let me tell you this: Human beings all think that their thoughts and emotions are parts of their own bodies and are products of their thoughts. That’s not the case at all. Emotion is precisely the display of the most irrational things. Whenever you are stirred up by emotion, you aren’t able to act rationally at all.” (Teachings at the Conference in Australia)
Sentimentality is selfish. I was moved by sentimentality because I was selfish. No matter how much one gives to another, people are generous or kind in order to receive things and be reciprocated. Generosity comes with ulterior motives, conditions, and a price. The only way to eliminate selfishness is to be kind to others selflessly, which means without any conditions, price or ulterior motives.
I picked up the phone to call people in China. Because it was Chinese New Year’s Eve, every household was joyfully celebrating. I started by wishing them a happy New Year, and then I offered to help them renounce their memberships in the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations. I sat in the lotus position for three and half hours while I helped several people quit the CCP. There were many touching moments, and I became teary-eyed. I felt very fulfilled and extremely honored—I deeply appreciated Master's New Year’s gift to me.
Cultivating Forbearance
On Chinese New Year's Day, the second trial came. My mom came over in the morning and made dumplings with my husband and me. We were supposed to be in a happy, celebratory mood. She criticized me, which made me feel unsettled. So I said, “We are celebrating Chinese New Year now. Please say something pleasant!” I didn’t hold my temper, so the atmosphere became tense.
That afternoon, a fellow practitioner called me about a project-related matter. I turned on my laptop and logged into a virtual meeting. My mother listened in and then criticized me in front of everyone. I felt so embarrassed that I began to cry. I stepped away from my computer.
After a while, I returned. I held my tears and said to her, “I am sorry.” However, deep down I felt humiliated and treated unfairly. I even thought to myself, “It’s you who haven’t cultivated well enough. But I didn’t argue with you. Instead, I apologized to you. But you didn’t reciprocate it! You don’t behave like a practitioner. Look at how poorly you cultivate—and you're a coordinator?!”
Master said, “...Cultivation is about cultivating oneself...” (“Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. VII)
Although I knew this principle, whenever I ran into a conflict, I still had a hard time enduring. My heart always went up and down. I still had to suppress my negative thoughts, try to control my emotions and calm down. I began to look for my own shortcomings. Sometimes, I didn’t look inward to examine myself—instead, I became more and more upset. Just as Master said in Zhuan Falun,
“The more one thinks about it, the angrier one becomes, while one’s mouth is still chanting the Buddha’s name. Do you think this person can practice qigong?” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I realized these things happened to improve my enlightenment quality. I needed to look inward instead of looking for other practitioners’ issues and shortcomings. Other practitioners have their cultivation paths. I need to look inward and cultivate myself. While holding back my tears, I recited,
“Han Xin indeed crawled between his legs. This showed that Han Xin had a heart of great forbearance. Because he was different from everyday people, he was able to achieve those great things. It is an ordinary person’s motto that one should live to prove one’s point or save face.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I felt that I should at least have Han Xin's great forbearance! This trial came suddenly and was overwhelming. It wasn't until the next morning when I did the second exercise for an hour that I finally let go of the attachment of wanting to argue with another practitioner about who’s right and who’s wrong. I felt my thoughts were elevated and my xinxing had improved.
Resolving Resentment Toward My Aunt
After I finished doing the exercises on the second day after Chinese New Year, I sat in front of my computer to make calls to China. While I was calling, that feeling of being wronged popped up again. When I talked to the other party, my voice was strained. After making a few calls, I couldn’t continue. I went to my mom’s place to have dumplings. I overheard her talking to my aunt in the US.
When my mom and I left China in 2005, we stayed with my aunt. My aunt hadn’t yet moved to the US, my mom didn’t speak English, and I was still young. Since she had her own business, my aunt's financial situation was good. My mom helped babysit her children. We thought she could keep doing this so I could attend university.
Unexpectedly, four years later—one year before I graduated from high school, my aunt’s family decided to move to the US. If they left, I would have to drop out of school. Even though my mom was against their plan, my aunt insisted. They left for the US without paying my mom anything for the years she babysat their children!
Afterwards, my mom and her sister seldom contacted each other. Ten years passed, but the hard feelings ran deep. My mom and I felt she was a heartless person—she even abandoned her sister. On the second day after the New Year, for the first time in many years, they talked to each other over the phone. Because my mom practices Dafa, she let go of her resentment and complaints towards my aunt. As they talked, my aunt wept. My mom kept comforting her and saying, “I am fine. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m worried about you. How have you been?” They had a lengthy conversation.
My mom’s open-mindedness and kindness moved my aunt. After they talked, my aunt subscribed to the Epoch Times and began watching NTD Television in the US. My mom told her, “Falun Dafa is the true righteous Fa, if you don’t seize the time to cultivate, you may regret it.” Before they ended the call, they promised to talk to each other more often.
As I listened, I had a lot of feelings: Ordinary people pursue self-interest. They are so selfish that they harm others, even their family members. As time passes, these wounds heal and are sometimes forgotten. If they're too deep, however, they still bleed. Because we practice Falun Dafa, Dafa’s compassion and wisdom comforted my mom and me, lessened our pain, and helped us to step out of it. By following the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, the deep resentment my mother and I felt towards my aunt was gone. Just as Master said,
“Countless are the chaotic things in this human worldGratitude and resentment now heaped atop one another,No hope had the wicked of heart, their karma massive‘Tis Dafa that resolves everything at the source”
(“Undoing the Disaster,” Hong Yin II, Translation Version A)
By the end of their conversation, my aunt–a strong woman–was as open as a child. It was as if she recalled their childhood. My mom’s voice had no trace of a complaint or resentment for her sister; instead, I heard immense compassion. My mom's forgiveness really touched my aunt.
I said to my mom, “We came to this city because of Auntie. Today we finally untied this knot of resentment. This is benevolent Master’s arrangement.”
My 2021 Chinese New Year has been a mixture of sadness and joy. For three days my tears didn’t stop. As I rode the waves of emotional ups and downs, I gained a clearer understanding of the need to eliminate sentimentality.
People hurt others in the process of pursuing self-interest, but they have to repay it in the future. There is no end to the bitter cycle of repayment. People are truly miserable! People are bound together by their karmic debts. Only by practicing Falun Dafa can people extricate themselves from emotion and embark on the Fa ship to be saved.
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Category: Improving Oneself
