(Minghui.org) I was very emotional when I was young. I lived with my brothers and sisters after my parents died at a young age. Therefore, I am very grateful to my siblings, but I also became very dependent on them. My living conditions improved after I married and so I have, in return, helped my siblings when needed.
After I started to practice Falun Dafa, I knew that I should eliminate these emotions, but I didn’t and even found excuses for myself. I believed it was okay to keep some emotions to be able to get along with ordinary people—as long as I was not attached. I reasoned that these emotions would just automatically disappear when we reach consummation.
I was very attached to my husband. After he passed away, I was so sad that I cried all day long. I lost a lot of weight and totally forgot that I was a practitioner. Although I understood that my husband was gone and I should get rid of the attachment to emotions based on the Fa principles, I could not help myself. No matter what I saw or what I did, I would think of him longingly. My celestial eye is open and I often saw him and had vivid dreams about him. It was like I’d fallen into the quicksand, and the more I struggled, the deeper I sank.
In one dream, I saw a new coffin in my bedroom and that several people dressed in black dug up a rotten, empty coffin but there was a new, empty coffin next to it. I dreamed this twice. I knew my situation was very dangerous, as Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa, had extended my life. The old forces could take away my life at any time with this as an excuse. I remember my husband saying that nobody knew who would die first, him or me. He said the same thing three times about ten days before he died. I didn’t pay attention to it at that time. Now I know it was because he wanted to take me with him.
I realized that I had to change my situation, but it was not easy to do. I recited Master’s Fa over and over:
“Since one’s real life is one’s Original Soul, the one who gives birth to your Original Soul is your real mother. In the course of samsara, you have had mothers who were human and non-human, and there are too many of them to be numbered. It is also countless how many sons and daughters you have had throughout your different lifetimes. Who is your mother? Who is your son or daughter? No one recognizes one another after passing away. You must still pay for what you owe others. Human beings live in delusion and just cannot give up these things. Some people cannot let go of their sons and daughters and claim how good they are, and then they pass away. One may speak of how good one’s mother is, but then she also dies. This person grieves so much that he almost wants to follow her for the rest of his life. Why don’t you think about it? Aren’t they here to torment you? They use this form to make you unable to lead a good life.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I felt better after repeating this but the problem was still not completely resolved. Sometimes I could understand and sometimes I was confused. I knew I had to ask Master to help me.
In my previous Fa study group, there was a middle-aged couple who had a very good relationship. They were always together, whether they were doing everyday things or validating the Fa. I dreamed that in one of my lifetimes, I had a happy family and my husband was the male practitioner that I just mentioned. In the dream he half-leaned against the wall and sat on the bed. I laid my head on his leg. I was so happy in my dream.
After I woke up, I was very depressed and ashamed of myself for having such a dream. I didn’t think much about this, as who knows the predestined relationships between Dafa practitioners lifetime after lifetime. A few days later, I ran into that practitioner couple. When I saw them together, I remembered Master’s Fa and my dream. I suddenly realized that Master was giving me a hint in that dream. I smiled bitterly in my heart and understood everything.
Humans live in delusion and they feel sad and ache due to all these emotions. After that, I let go of my emotions for my husband completely. I thank Master for helping me understand!
Any attachment to emotion can interfere with our cultivation. One problem was solved, but another one appeared. My attachment to my children unconsciously grew. I felt empty if I went two days without calling them. It took a while for me to calm down after the calls. Actually, all of my children are wealthier than I and are doing very well, with nice houses and personal cars. There is an old saying that the older we get, the more we worry. But that’s for everyday people, not for cultivators.
One day, I was on my way to the bus stop after school had been let out for the day. I suddenly saw my daughter and granddaughter in the crowd across the road. My daughter leaned over and talked to my granddaughter, then took her daughter’s school bag and carried it over her shoulder. I watched as they walked on and suddenly had a very strange feeling. Everything in front of me seemed so far away, as if it had nothing to do with me. This feeling lingered in my heart for a long time.
Later I had a dream about a young man in his 30s, one of my relatives. His mother had a deep misunderstanding about me and I’d never had an opportunity to talk with her about it. In my dream, that young man and I had a mother-son relationship in two of our past lifetimes. He was so obedient and respectful in the dream. In reality, he is the obedient, respectful son of this mother.
We’ve played so many different roles in the course of samsara, and they all have predestined relationships. Which one is true?! Human beings live for emotions but it’s just the opposite for Falun Dafa cultivators.
Master said,
“If this qing is not relinquished, you will be unable to cultivate. If you break free from this qing, nobody can affect you. An everyday person’s mind will be unable to sway you. What comes and replaces it is benevolence, which is a nobler thing.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Emotion is the root cause of human attachments. Dafa cultivation directly targets human attachments. In the course of cultivation, when we continuously get rid of our human attachments, we also gradually release the emotional ties little by little, until in the end they are completely gone.
In closing, I would like to share Master’s poem:
“Ascending the Colossal Firmament
The human world is hurrying about, what is it forComing to the world empty-handed, leaving with nothingFame and gain, love and hate, keep one busy for a lifetimeLooking back on the time wasted, body and soul wounded
In the end times, the great calamity is coming, heaven and earth desolatedGods descended to the human world to become humansReincarnating to await the CreatorTo be saved and reforged, to ascend the colossal firmament”(Hong Yin V, Blue Team Translation)
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Category: Improving Oneself
