(Minghui.org) Greetings Master. Greetings fellow practitioners.
This is my third year attending the Northern Academy of the Arts. When the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) virus (coronavirus) broke out in January 2020, the entire world was forced into quarantine. Master told us in his article, “Stay Rational,”
“Any Dafa disciples who have not been diligent, or who are prone to acting in extreme ways, should immediately straighten themselves out, and sincerely study the Fa and work on themselves, for you are at great risk.” (“Stay Rational”)
I took Master’s words as a signal that I should hurry and use this precious time to cultivate myself better than ever, and eliminate my final attachments. Today, I would like to share my experiences while overcoming two of my biggest obstacles.
Identifying My Resentment
I always thought of myself as a forgiving person. Whenever any sort of conflict, big or small, occurred, I would always try to keep a smile on my face and say, “It’s okay.” However, I only recently realized that my so-called “forgiveness” and “kind-heart,” were all fake.
Soon after these conflicts occurred, my mind was full of stray thoughts, such as, “Why wasn’t he more careful?”, or, “Why did they treat me like that?”, “I deserve better than that!” This mindset was part of me for a long time—so long that it became a natural part of my thinking process.
As time went by, it became harder for me to stop myself from having irrational thoughts related to how others treated me. At first I thought it was my attachment to selfishness, or the fact that I didn’t cultivate well enough on a certain day that sparked the conflict. But no matter how hard I tried to improve myself, it didn’t work. Wrong thoughts still surfaced all the time. However, on August 19 of last year, that all changed. I read another practitioner’s sharing article on the Minghui website titled “I Traded my Resentment for Compassion.” After reading it, I felt like I found the answer to my problems: I had not let go of my resentment towards others.
I was in shock for a good while. I couldn’t understand why I failed to understand one of the most basic Fa principles, which was eliminating hatred and assimilating to compassion. As I thought about it more, I realized Master was constantly giving me hints to try to enlighten me to this principle, but I always overlooked them.
For example, one time when me and my sister who is not a practitioner, were having a disagreement, it got to the point where I eventually said some hurtful words. My sister asked me, “What type of Truthfulness, Compassion, Tolerance is that!?” But I ignored her. There was also a time where I misunderstood a mistake one of my friends made. I never let it go in my heart, and it affected our relationship from then on. This happened pretty often, where even after I feel like I’ve been wronged just a tiny bit, I can never let it go. All my negative and irrational thoughts jump in to fill my mind. Afterward, I always resent that person in my heart.
I immediately sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil thoughts in my head which manifested as resentment. Master said,
“A wicked person is born of jealousy.Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.An enlightened person has no attachments at all.He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions.”(“Realms,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
Hatred is the complete opposite of compassion, one of the three main principles of the universe, and also what Falun Dafa practitioners should live by. Harboring hatred in my heart will only separate me from Master’s arrangements. Besides, if I have resentful thoughts towards others while doing the exercises, form negative thoughts while reading the Fa, or spread hatred through my words while clarifying the truth, how will I be able to cultivate and fulfill my mission as a Dafa disciple? I had to get rid of it immediately.
After studying the Fa more, and sending righteous thoughts, I noticed a change in this attachment. I became more relaxed during Fa-study. My mind was calm when I did the exercises.
One of the biggest changes was my view on everything. Before, my struggle with hatred would always blind me from what was really going on. If something minor happened, my strong resentment would make it look like it was something serious, and I would not be able to let it go. But now, I realized nothing really that serious has ever happened, and I saw everything from a new angle, a much better one.
I also realized that a large chunk of my attachments was linked directly to my resentment, such as jealousy, laziness, disrespect, comfort, impatience, and always wanting perfection. Once my hatred dialed down, so did a large portion of these other attachments. I was also able to awaken my compassion and do things without a motive.
Hatred is certainly one of my deepest attachments that must be eliminated. I have yet to overcome it completely. All I can do is to continue to improve myself, and remember what Master said,
“As practitioners, you will suddenly come across conflicts. What should you do? You should always maintain a compassionate and calm heart. Then, when you run into a problem, you will be able to do well because it gives you some room as a buffer. You should always be benevolent and kind to others and consider others when doing anything. Whenever you encounter a problem, you should first consider whether others can put up with this matter or if it will hurt anyone. In doing so, there will not be any problems. Therefore, in cultivation you should follow a higher and higher standard for yourself.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Letting Go of Sentimentality
Out of the three of the most common attachments, fame, gain, and emotion, the attachment to sentimentality has always been one of my biggest problems.
Master said,
“Cultivation must take place through tribulations so as to test whether you can part with and care less about different kinds of human qing and desires. If you are attached to these things, you will not succeed in cultivation. Everything has its karmic relationship. Why can human beings be human? It is because human beings have qing. They live just for this qing.”
“If this qing is not relinquished, you will be unable to cultivate. If you break free from this qing, nobody can affect you.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Master also said,
“He who acts for his namea life of anger and hate is hisHe who acts for profitcold is he, knowing not his kinHe who acts for emotionmany are the troubles he brings himselfBitter,fighting away,he makes karma all his life.
Not seeking a namelife is carefree and contentNot set on profitone is known as humane and righteousNot stirred by emotionthe mind is quiet, desires fewKind,cultivating himself,he builds up virtue all his years.”(“An Upright Person,” Hong Yin)
Because of my long-time desire for happiness in ordinary society, I developed a strong sense of emotion in my heart. The manifestation of sentimentality inside me was tough, and difficult to eliminate. Whenever I felt like I overcame one layer, by the next day, it would rise up again.
A desire to be comfortable, be happy, have fun, be lazy, say irrational things, look good, be competitive, have friends, eat, sleep, and feel satisfied are all aspects of sentimentality. I became so attached to these trivial things that it seemed like I was cultivating just to enjoy them.
However, last year, it seemed as if this attachment, and all my other attachments in general, began to weaken. I started to care less about how others thought of me, it didn’t really matter how I looked to others. I managed to squeeze in more time for Fa-study and to do the exercises. At the time, I thought that was it, and I had successfully overcome my obstacles.
At that moment, however, a new thought flashed in my mind, “No, this isn’t the end. I still have a long way to go, and no way will I be able to eliminate attachments through being at home. The only reason I feel okay now is because I am living a comfortable life away from school. What will happen when I go back and everything suddenly flares up again? What I need to do now is completely eliminate these bad attachments. That way, I will be ready for whatever comes my way.”
When I had this thought, I felt a warm current fill my head, and I became very relaxed and free of worry. I knew it was Master cleaning the evil from my head after I had this righteous thought.
After studying the Fa and sending righteous thoughts more, I noticed a change. My attachment to emotion was actually fuel for many of my other attachments, similar to my resentment. It was the reason behind my selfishness, depression, wrong thoughts, hatred, jealousy, showing off, and deviating from cultivating well.
I became depressed after I had been mistreated by a friend or family member, or I put my own needs ahead of others because I was impatient or wanted to get done with something. But afterward, I became more conscious about emotion, and not letting it take over me. Furthermore, my righteous thoughts became stronger.
I have also yet to eliminate this attachment to sentimentality, but I will always remember to try hard and continue to make progress in my cultivation.
Conclusion
As Master’s Fa-rectification comes to an end, so does our time left for cultivation. Even though I might have spent a lot of effort during this time to try to raise my cultivation level, I feel that it's still not enough. The experiences I mentioned before were just the tip of the iceberg. Despite some drastic changes, I still have many issues. Although I regret my past mistakes, my just saying that isn’t enough.
Everything that happens to us is related to our cultivation, and each test or tribulation is meant for our improvement. Cultivation is a serious matter.
At one point, I felt my cultivation state was shallower than ever. I almost felt that there was no hope left. Luckily, Master helped me by giving me a hint. One of my teachers, who is also a practitioner, said something very moving. It was as if she could tell something was not right with me, or that she was prepared to talk to me about this exact problem. She said, “We just have to believe that Master gave us all the best arrangements. We each have our own path, but we are all Dafa disciples, Master’s Dafa disciples.” My mom also often tells me, “We just need to follow the course of nature, and everything will be okay.”
Master has emphasized many times before, that being a Falun Dafa practitioner is the greatest honor anyone could have. Yes, we encounter obstacles, but that’s just all part of our cultivation process. Living by the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance has taught me that life is precious. Every opportunity and moment is meaningful. All people came to the world for Dafa, and our life’s purpose is to return to our original, true selves.
All of the things I put such big emphasis on are all trivial, such as: Will I be able to dance in Shen Yun, or will I be successful, or be happy with tons of friends. I remember reading another practitioner’s sharing article on the Minghui website, where she said, “The truth is, to me it doesn’t matter anymore as to how high I’ll cultivate, as my life has already become meaningful simply because I am a part of the Fa-Rectification.” After my recent experiences, I feel that I have enlightened to this Fa-principle.
As Dafa practitioners, we all have the Fa rooted in our hearts. Our lives are all guided by the Fa. I feel that my worries and doubts are no longer important. My life is already meaningful because I am a Falun Dafa practitioner.
I would like to conclude with one of Master’s poems:
“Be resolute cultivating Dafa, the mind unstirredClimbing in levels is what’s fundamentalFaced with tests, a person’s true character is revealedMay you Consummate—a Buddha, Dao, or God”(“True Character is Revealed,” Hong Yin Volume II)
Let’s all cherish Dafa more and improve ourselves on the last leg of this journey. If I have said anything not in line with the Fa, please kindly point it out.
Thank you Master. Thank you fellow practitioners.
(Presented at the 2021 Orange County Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Sharing, New York)
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