(Minghui.org) I was born in the 1990s and started practicing Falun Dafa with my mother when I was little. However, I cultivated on and off for more than 20 years and spent a lot of time playing video games.
I’d like to share my experience of how I got rid of my attachment to playing these games in the hope of encouraging other practitioners who have deviated from Dafa due to their gaming addiction.
I hope we can all catch up with Fa-rectification, do the three things well, take on our historic mission, and live up to Master Li Hongzhi's (Falun Dafa's founder) compassionate salvation.
An Ominous Vision
My mother told me that my third eye was open when I was a child. I once told her that I saw Master Li's Fashen (law body), which told me to study the Fa more and to play fewer games. I can’t recall my original memory of the scene, however. I only have a fresh impression of it because my mother used to remind me to heed Master's warning.
My mother went to Beijing to appeal for Dafa after the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started the persecution against the practice in 1999. My father strongly opposed my mother and me cultivating because of the persecution.
My desire to play computer games grew stronger, and I eventually became obsessed with them. This went on for nearly 20 years. It wasn't until six months ago that I was able to completely remove this attachment. Looking back, I feel regretful because I not only disregarded Master's teachings, but I also acknowledged this as a form of persecution by the old forces early on.
My desire to play games was getting stronger and stronger, from elementary school through high school. My mother set passwords for the computers to try and prevent me from playing on them. But driven by my strong desire, I always found ways to crack the passwords.
As long as my parents weren't home, I would play the games. Gradually, I became addicted to them and would feel uncomfortable if I didn't play the games for a while. I was actually afraid of being home alone because I knew I couldn't control myself.
Master said:
“In the medical sciences it’s believed that addiction occurs when the part of the nervous system associated with addictive behaviors is stimulated and develops to a sufficient degree. But that’s not it. What’s happening, then? Over time, that addictive substance accumulates, and forms inside of your body an identical version of you that comes to control you. Because it is composed of strong attachment, and has your appearance, it has an equally strong desire to control you; it was formed out of strong desires, after all.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference” Team Yellow Translation)
I couldn’t study the Fa at home since my father didn’t allow it, so I had to go to other practitioners’ homes to study.
I gradually stopped regarding myself as a Dafa practitioner and often worried about my future. I continued like this until the final year of high school, when I finally took the initiative to study the Fa again. By studying the Fa more, I gradually realized that I couldn't go on with my addiction to playing games.
I started being strict with myself and tried to get rid of my addiction. However, there is no easy path in cultivation. It often happened that I was surrounded by peace and tranquility one day, but by the next morning, I would completely lose that feeling. This attachment attacked me crazily, as I could often only hold off for a day or two, but would then return to playing computer games. Other attachments such as lust and seeking comfort also repeatedly tortured me.
I could feel my cultivation state withering bit by bit. With other practitioners carrying out their sacred responsibilities, I couldn't even stay diligent for a week. I felt hopeless, as I simply couldn’t give up my addiction and negative thoughts started to interfere with me again.
At the same time, my father strongly opposed my practice and threatened to report me and my mother to the school. Gradually, I lost confidence and indulged myself in playing the games again.
A Geographical Fix
I played video games more often after enrolling in college. It was very difficult to stay diligent without a solid foundation in cultivation. I began to skip classes to play games in the dormitory and would spend all night in the Internet café. My academic performance plummeted, and my other attachments were also growing during that period of time. I only had a brief time in college being diligent.
I then entertained the thought that it would be nice if I could study overseas. Since I couldn't discipline myself, a good cultivation environment overseas could help me to cultivate well. So I decided to leave China.
I know that my motivation for going overseas was not correct. First of all, I had a strong attachment to self, only thinking about how I could help myself to not be left behind in cultivation. I didn't consider my mission of saving people from a true Dafa practitioner's perspective. Also, I didn’t look inward to improve myself. I only wanted to rely on the external environment to help me improve. These thoughts led to further problems when I went overseas.
After leaving China, I had many unforgettable and beautiful experiences. For example, I saw Master in person for the first time in my life. I attended a Fa conference, watched Shen Yun live at a theater, and participated in a large Falun Dafa parade. I'm always moved whenever I recall these precious memories.
No matter how great the environment was, however, it wouldn’t help if I didn't want to change from the inside. My addiction to gaming remained and even worsened. Because I had experienced ups and downs repeatedly, my will to cultivate had worn down to the point that I was even fearful of continuing.
Whenever I had moments of being diligent and improved myself, I became even more miserable when I was dragged down by my attachments. My addiction to gaming became so severe that I played day and night. Terrible scenes and evil aliens even appeared in my dreams. I sometimes even had visions of having a false master.
I became depressed when I thought that I couldn’t even be diligent in a good environment outside of China. I felt helpless and thought that I wasn't worthy of living. I had made everyone around me suffer, including my family and friends.
Under such circumstances, I decided to return to China. The moment I made my decision, I recalled a poem written by Master:
“Some flee for their lives, deserting capsized boats and torn sails,As the mud and sand are completely sifted, gold shines forth.Grand talk counts for naught when it comes to life and death,Actions reveal what is true.When the day of Consummation arrives,The great disclosure of the truth will leave the world in amazement.”(“The Knowing Heart” in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I asked myself; am I really willing to be the mud and sand? But I felt numb at the time.
Breaking Through the Old Forces Arrangements
After returning to China, I still couldn't find the root cause of my problem. I started to look outward again. For example, I blamed my mother for the way she educated me. My father often called me brainless and said that I was like the walking dead. I always felt that he was alluding to my cultivation, so I didn't pay much attention to what he said.
He later whispered in my ear that there were many things that I should think deeply about. I felt that Master might be hinting at me by using my father's mouth, so I started to pay more attention.
Suddenly, I seemed to understand why my father said that I was brainless and like the walking dead. My understanding of Dafa had almost never improved.
Master said:
“...there are different Dharma at different levels, and that the Dharma at each level is not the absolute truth of the universe. Yet the Dharma at a given level assumes a guiding role at that level.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I had a superficial understanding of this passage for a long time. Searching deeper, I found that I had very strong views on Dafa's teachings, and believed that I was absolutely correct in my understandings. This kind of thinking came from the selfish nature of lives from the old universe. It was difficult for me to identify this deeply hidden attachment to self.
After realizing this, my pursuit of playing games lessened, but my cultivation state didn't change much, nor did I get rid of my desire to play.
Not long before the outbreak of the coronavirus pandemic last year, Master gave me a hint. One day after a meal, my mother found a small hole at the bottom of a bowl while washing it. This bowl just had noodle soup in it, but it hadn't leaked. When I poured water into the bowl, however, it drained straight out of the hole.
After a while, I realized that Master was using this bowl to help me understand that I had a loophole. Namely, my playing computer games (bowl and play are homophones in Chinese) is my hole.
A few months later, I finally discovered the reason why I had been interfered with and persecuted by the old forces. I used to have a concept that the old forces should also be saved. I thought that part of the reason Dafa practitioners had suffered so much was to save the old forces.
This concept is equivalent to acknowledging the old forces' arrangements. Therefore, no matter how hard I tried, I was never able to get rid of these arrangements; I had inadvertently been acknowledging them.
I felt that the fundamental arrangements of the old forces behind me were finally shattered. Although I wasn't able to remain diligent all of the time, at least I knew how to cultivate.
For the first time, I was able to meld into the Fa for a relatively long time and realized the broad and profound principles behind Dafa's words. The inner peace and steadiness that I felt were really beyond words.
The world has changed dramatically since the pandemic, and some practitioners have slacked off to varying degrees in their cultivation. I’m concerned about young Dafa practitioners who are not diligent and hope that my experience can inspire those who cannot get rid of their long-term desire for playing games.
Young practitioners, in particular, must not give up or be swayed by negative emotions. Study the Fa more, send righteous thoughts more, and do the exercises more. Persevere, completely negate the old forces' arrangements, catch up with the progress of Fa-rectification, and assume the responsibilities bestowed upon us as Falun Dafa practitioners.
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