(Minghui.org) I would like to share the process of finding and eliminating the root causes of my attachment to fear and being nervous.
Speaking at an Experience Sharing Conference
I had to take care of my eight-month-old brother when I was six years old. I was bored and wanted to play on a swing, so I took the tie from my father’s bathrobe and threw it over the roof beam, then tied it together so I could sit in it. Just as I climbed into it and began swinging, I heard some creaking noises and the next thing I knew, I was on the ground in excruciating pain. I somehow gathered the strength to secure my tiny brother onto a column of our house and then began crying loudly and rolling on the ground in pain. I do not remember what happened afterward.
I miraculously regained consciousness a couple of days later. But I suffered from constant migraines, until I found Falun Dafa at age 46. Doctors were unable to find the root cause of my problem, and as a result I kept taking medications to ease the pain. In addition to the migraines, I also had trouble breathing and sometimes fainted when I felt anxious or scared.
I attended the 2006 Tokyo Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference two years after I began practicing Falun Gong. While talking to a practitioner named Lin almost 15 years later, in January 2021, she asked me, “Were you the first one to share your experiences at the 2006 Tokyo Fa Conference?”
I told her that I was indeed the first speaker at the conference, and we started recollecting what I had worn that day and conversations I had had with the local coordinator. When the coordinator told me not to be nervous, Lin recalled that she had thought, “Why would you be nervous if there’s a script in front of you?”
Lin said, “I felt that I had a predestined relationship with you.” Her words made me more self-conscious, because I knew I had made an impression on someone for such a long time. I felt that I needed to watch my tone of voice and not tell lies or say anything bad.
I started to recollect some scenes from the 2006 Conference. I have a introverted personality and am often not good at expressing myself around strangers. Knowing that I had to make a speech at the conference, I had decided to memorize my cultivation experience and had even practiced it in front of friends.
The local coordinator said to me on the day of the conference, “There is no specific order as to when each speaker will go on stage. You are not validating yourself, you are validating Dafa, so you should not be nervous.”
Hearing that I would be the first speaker to go to the podium, I became even more nervous. The local coordinator seemed to read my mind and told me once again that I should not be nervous. My mind went blank as soon as I got to the podium. I stood there mindlessly and words began coming out of my mouth.
When I came back to my senses, I realized that I was almost done with my cultivation experience, and I finished the remainder. I thought that Master had helped me. If it wasn’t for Master, I would have negatively affected the Fa conference! Thank you Master, thank you so much Master for helping me that day!
I was given an injection in my left arm after I fell from the roof beam when I was a child. Two days after the conference, my left arm started to feel very painful. Words can’t describe how much pain I was in. As tears rolled down my cheeks, I kept thinking to myself that Master was purifying my body. I kept tolerating and tolerating the pain. The pain lasted for about three weeks, but toward the end it reduced. In about five weeks, all of my discomfort disappeared.
After experiencing the pain in my arm, I became more firm in my belief that it really was Master who had helped me during the Fa conference. The remaining karma in my arm would come out occasionally and as time passed, my arm was no longer in pain.
Posting Videos on Facebook
I participated in video shooting with another practitioner named Wan on August 2, 2020. I thought to myself, “I have been practicing Falun Gong for over ten years. I should not be nervous anymore, right?” However, the truth was that I was still a very nervous person.
I started to memorize what I wanted to say the day before we were to record. However, things did not go as planned. When I was practicing on the day we were to record, I was unable to make any sound. I became nervous and called Wan. When Wan did not answer, I became even more anxious. I waited for Wan outside a building and then we both hurried to the studio where we were going to do the recording.
I was nervous and was unable to articulate anything clearly after entering the studio. We recorded twice and both recordings weren’t ideal. We changed the script so that Wan would take the initiative and I’d follow along. I became calm and the recording ended successfully.
I asked myself silently, “Why was I so nervous?” I was unable to find the reason when I looked inward. I was very grateful to the video editor and videographer when I saw that I did not look nervous on the screen. I was quite happy.
Eliminating My Attachment of Fear
I had always thought that my introverted personality and the fear I’ve always had were due to my father’s strict discipline. My personality had even affected my taking the high school entrance exam. I had been unable to solve the questions no matter how hard I tried, and my hands trembled with fear while I filled in the test papers. Though I encountered a huge setback, my father still managed to get me into a high school in the city.
Only after learning Falun Gong did I realize that my attachment of fear had affected so many things. Whenever my body was in discomfort or in pain, people around me would always take care of me, and I took this for granted. So whenever I got a headache, stomachache, or experienced any physical discomfort, I took painkillers and waited for the pain to fade. Because of my physical weakness and vulnerability, I needed to be cared for physically and mentally.
However after writing my cultivation experience paper, I read an article on the Minghui website called “Nothing Is Accidental.” I felt that Master was giving me a hint.
I shared my experiences with another practitioner, Aya, and she shared a section of Master’s lectures with me.
Master said:
“Student: How can I get rid of my fear?
Master: Fear is an attachment, too. It’s a matter of whether your will is strong. You should overcome it. Some people say, “I fall asleep whenever I do the exercises.” That too is something you need to overcome with your own will. Although it’s not a demon, it can have a demonic effect on cultivators. It will affect you if you can’t conquer it.”
Student: Is timidity an attachment or a physiological factor?
Master: Timidity is caused by a factor called “timidity” that exists in this universe. It causes you to be afraid. The more scared you are, the more its effect on you. You have to conquer it with willpower—it’s a matter of willpower. This too needs to be accomplished in your cultivation. (“Teachings at the Conference in Switzerland”)
I had not realized that fear was also an attachment. I thought that this passage of Fa had nothing to do with me when I read Teachings at the Conference in Switzerland in the past. Now that I think about it, am I not speaking ill of my father when I say that “my fear is the result of my father’s strict discipline”? I felt more lighthearted when I told Aya how I really felt. I was able to erase all of my bad memories while I wrote my experience sharing.
Although my father was strict, he never opposed my attending activities to end the persecution of Falun Dafa. When I participated in a hunger strike for 60 hours, I phoned my father and told him about it, and told him that I’d be home when the hunger strike ended.
When I got home the next day, my father cooked many dishes for me. I asked him if he could help me memorize the book Zhuan Falun. He took the book and helped me with the memorization.
My father said, “You are doing things that others aren’t willing to do. If only you were a boy...” My father signed a petition to end the persecution and also said to my mother, “You should sign too.” My elderly mother also practiced the exercises with me, but after moving to Tokyo she did not persist, since there were no group practice sites nearby.
My father passed away more than 12 years ago, and I had regarded the predestined relationship with my father as a way to improve my cultivation. Aya encouraged me and told me that I have already found the reasons I was fearful. As long as I face my fears directly, everything will be eliminated.
In the Minghui website article, “Let's Hurry Up and Eliminate Our Last Human Attachments,” the author wrote, “Let’s not focus on human notions of justice or injustice. As practitioners, this is not what we want. We should stay unaffected and view the situation from the perspective of higher beings.”
Master said,
“The Buddha School requires emptiness, and the Tao School teaches nothingness.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
Being anxious and fearful is something rooted deep in me.
By looking inward after sharing with Aya, I was able to overcome many of my attachments, and I felt that a burden had been lifted from my heart. I felt warmth in my heart and was no longer so tense.
I need to be grateful to my parents for nurturing me. I said silently in my heart, “Dad and Mom, I am very healthy after practicing Falun Dafa. You needn’t worry about me anymore.”
I need to be more diligent in my cultivation in the days to come, and upgrade my xinxing and eliminate my attachments.
I will end my cultivation experience article by sharing from one of Master’s scriptures.
“Fear can cause one to make mistakes, and fear can cause one to lose a predestined opportunity.” (“Pass the Deadly Test,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress III)
“Cultivation is a serious matter. If you keep harboring fears like this, when are you going to stop being held back by fear?” (“Pass the Deadly Test,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress III)
“The truth is, losing this opportunity of the ages and not fulfilling the real purpose of coming to this world are more terrifying than the attachment of being too ashamed to face others. Cultivation is cultivation, and cultivation is about getting rid of one’s attachments, putting a stop to bad human behavior and all kinds of fears, including the human attachments of being afraid of this and being afraid of that.” (“Pass the Deadly Test,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress III)
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Category: Improving Oneself
