(Minghui.org) When I stepped into cultivation almost two years ago, my life changed from the ground up. I was offered a job as a social pedagogue, moved to a new country, cultivated in a new environment, and met new Falun Dafa practitioners.
However, my husband was not offered a job for a long time. Even though I never complained openly, reproachful thoughts were on the tip of my tongue from time to time, such as, “He did not cultivate well, and did not look inward. That is why he was not successful in his job search.”
I later realized that I had been looking at cultivation as a guarantee for a better and more comfortable life. When I looked inward for attachments, I found a hidden, strong intention that this would dissolve the difficulty or suffering on the surface. In retrospect, looking inward, identifying, and eliminating attachments became a formality that was always accompanied by worry and doubt, telling me that the problems would not go away. I want to share with you the following experiences that helped me understand more deeply the seriousness of cultivation.
As a result of an internal restructuring, the pressure at work increased for me. More than half of the employees gradually gave their notice or were laid off, and we constantly had to train new employees. Our clients, young people with intellectual disabilities, reacted to the situation with increasingly aggressive behavior. Our team experienced the most physical assaults. On top of that, there is the psychological pressure because the management holds us responsible for the situation.
I often burst into tears when studying the Fa, or when I look at Master’s photo, because I see the standard for myself as a cultivator, and I don’t always manage to control myself in specific situations. When my colleagues badmouthed our upper management during breaks, I got also carried away. When a client became aggressive, I also got angry and developed a dislike. When we divided up who accompanied which client during the day’s meeting, I was happy when I got assigned the less aggressive clients.
Driven by human emotions, I also interfered in the affairs of my colleagues. For example, two days before her vacation my colleague was pressured to postpone her vacation due to a staff shortage. She was very unhappy, but could not refuse it. I felt that she was being treated unfairly and interfered with. I discussed the duty roster with the group management and took on overtime so that my colleague could still take time off. I believe that what I did was good. In the end I worked so hard that I barely had time to do the three things a Dafa practitioner should do. Despite everything, my colleague had to cancel her vacation because someone was absent the following week.
Master said,
“In trying to accumulate de, you may think that something is a good deed, but if you do it, it may turn out to be a wrong deed. If you interfere with something that you regard as a bad thing, it may turn out to have been a good thing. Why? It is because you cannot see its karmic relationship.” Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I did not immediately realize that what I did was wrong for a cultivator – not until I got another hint. In a staff meeting the area manager criticized me for not cooperating with my group leader – a new hiree – and for being disrespectful of her position. I felt that I was misunderstood and unfairly accused. I felt a surge of sadness when I realized that I had not cultivated well. I found it difficult to put aside my resentment toward management. At home, I often could not find peace. Karma disturbed me when studying the Fa, doing the exercises, and sending righteous thoughts – I became sleepy. My cultivation was hanging on a thread.
Master said,
“Amidst the complex environment of everyday people and its interpersonal xinxing frictions, you are able to rise above and beyond––this is the most difficult thing. It is hard in that you knowingly lose your vested interests among everyday people. Amidst your critical self-interests, are you moved? Amidst interpersonal mindgames, are you moved? When your friends or family suffer, are you moved? How do you weigh them? This is how difficult it is to be a practitioner!” (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun)
The attachments that were pointed out to me were so numerous that I felt overwhelmed. They included pride, envy, comfort, and resentment – how could I get rid of all of them? Before I cultivated I always believed that people could not change. They can only suppress their bad qualities for a short time, but they cannot really eliminate them. Maybe it is like that for ordinary people. However, for a Dafa cultivator, I can confirm that the Fa can eliminate everything bad from the bottom up.
The difficulties at work have strengthened my steadfastness in cultivation. I seriously thought about my cultivation, and what it means to follow Master’s arrangements. I realized that with Master’s arrangements I had hoped for a comfortable path without any difficulties. Do I still follow Master when my own interests are affected? Do I still follow the Fa principles when my self-interests protest loudly? At that moment, I felt my heart give a loud and affirmative “Yes.” My body felt light, as if a heavy burden had been lifted.
I was determined to cultivate better. I did not get discouraged when thought karma disturbed me. I could sometimes only read two or three sentences with a calm heart. But, they touched me deeply. When dealing with conflicts, I tried to keep a calm inner demeanor. I restrained myself when colleagues badmouth others. If I did not do well in a given situation, I encouraged myself to do better the next time. When falling over and over again, I don’t stay down and feel sorry for myself like I used to, but get right back up.
I tried to help my colleagues understand my perspective, by explaining that the new group leader had a difficult start, but was trying very hard, and working very hard. My group leader seemed to be open-minded since then and we cooperate better with each other.
A client experienced an emotional crisis and punched me in the face. Inwardly, I did not feel any resentment toward her. I wanted to help her. I remained calm, even when she kept reaching for me. I sang ”Falun Dafa Is Good” to her. She calmed down instantly, sat down, and listened. When I asked her how she was doing, she asked me to continue singing.
I now see the high turnover as an opportunity to clarify the truth to many sentient beings. A co-worker told me that she only came “by chance” to our team. Management had someone else in mind but accidentally sent her the e-mail. She was hired. I understood that there are no coincidences. I could tell her about Falun Dafa and the persecution. She signed the petition and asked for more information so she could tell her husband and daughter about it.
Another employee who had previously resigned, but to whom I had not yet been able to clarify the truth, returned to our workplace on a part-time basis after a few months. I was very surprised, but also very happy about the chance to do better this time. I was able to tell her about Falun Dafa and the persecution. She was very interested in spiritual issues.
I have come to realize more and more that it is my duty to give sentient beings the opportunity to be saved. I also came to understand that when I put saving sentient beings first in everything I do, I find it easy to let go of attachments, and take a step back when facing conflicts. This way I am able to review my starting point.
Master said,
“Whatever you do, do it well. In the process of doing things, what’s looked at is your hearts, not your success itself. In the process of doing things you can save people! Your process of doing things is also a process of you elevating in cultivation, which, at the same time, plays the role of saving sentient beings! It is not that only if you succeed in doing that thing can you play the role of saving sentient beings.” (“Fa Teaching at t he 2016 New York Fa Conference”)
We continued to study the Fa together during the coronavirus pandemic. However, the group shrank to four or five practitioners. I still value this opportunity very much.
During a group sharing I talked about my work situation, and that I have little time for Dafa projects and Fa learning because of all the overtime. A fellow practitioner pointed out that I should remove the old forces interference and not accept everything. My first thought was that I did not share this thought. The difficulties helped me in my cultivation. However, this clue kept me busy that evening, I sent righteous thoughts to remove the disturbing factors from the old forces. I walk the path that Master arranged for me, no matter what the difficulties may be, and asked for help so that I can see the path in the fog.
The next day my supervisor approached me and said that I could take off the next three weeks to compensate for the overtime. During those three weeks I had a lot of time to study the Fa and do Dafa projects.
My husband was asked for an interview at the time. After a few days he was offered the job and the employment contract. I was offered a chance to work at the Epoch Times. I already hoped for such a chance a year ago. However, it was not possible for me in terms of time and money.
When I returned to my workplace after three weeks, I noticed a big change in myself, as if a thick layer of mud had fallen off me. The work situation had not changed on the surface, but it was much easier for me not to be moved. It was an outward posture, but a fundamental purification of the heart.
Falun Dafa is truly wonderful. I have come to realize that this is not something that I have achieved, but that is given to me through Master’s grace and compassion.