(Minghui.org) Greetings revered Master. Greetings fellow practitioners.

In May 2019 when I returned to Dafa cultivation, besides being full of gratitude, I was immersed in the joy and happiness of cultivation every day. 

It wasn’t until March 2020 when I encountered a very difficult situation, that I experienced the suffering of eliminating attachments. It’s not an exaggeration to say that I did not have a single good day—every day I was improving xinxing and passing tests—but it was also this precious process of refinement that helped to truly understand what it means to cultivate. 

Looking Within When Humiliated

Because I don’t usually chat with practitioners about everyday people topics, practitioners close to me don’t know the details about my work in China. One day in October 2020, I was approached by a boss I worked with in China. He asked me to help him order 10 used Boeing aircraft, as he needed to participate in a bidding project for a domestic airline (in China). I agreed to help. 

After agreeing, I felt something was not quite right. I had just finished reading the book How the Specter of Communism is Ruling Our World, which mentioned something about the CCP’s (Chinese Communist Party) efforts at globalization. I wondered if practitioners should assist the CCP in carrying this out. Since the bidders are state-owned enterprises, I didn’t think practitioners should help CCP companies acquire foreign aircraft. On a more serious note, this would be done in secret. However, because the profit margin was very attractive, my heart was a bit indecisive so I really didn’t enlighten well on this matter. 

I thought, “Let me ask other practitioners for their opinions and see if practitioners should participate in this.” I phoned a fellow practitioner whose response was very abrasive: “Did you take a good look at yourself? Even a fool can see this is a scam! How can you fall for it?” 

I was tempted to retaliate, because my question was not whether it was true or not, but whether it should be done. He just looked at the superficial details and criticized me very subjectively. He did not let me speak and did not give me a chance to explain. Then he said, “I’ll ask you, why did he look for you for such a good opportunity to make money? What does he want from you? Maybe he is scheming against you! Are you some kind of special talent?” Then I got anxious and answered, “Yes!” After hearing this, the practitioner got even angrier and his next words were even more irritating. 

I was so humiliated I couldn’t speak. He didn’t know anything about what was going on. He just came straight at me, not giving me a chance to explain. He kept saying things that I felt didn’t have anything to do with me. I did not respond and just let him talk. After he hung up the phone, I thought, “Why was I moved? Why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel wronged? It must be because I have an attachment!”

I remembered that Master said, 

“You know, with cultivators, the following is often said: only when you have an attachment will you be affected inside; if you don’t have an attachment, it will be like a breeze passing over you—you won’t feel a thing. If you hear someone say that you want to commit some horrible crime, you’ll just find it amusing. (Master laughs) You will think, “How could that be possible?” and will laugh it off. You won’t take it seriously at all. Since you don’t even have that thought, those words can’t touch you. If you don’t have that kind of thought, they can’t touch you. When you are affected inside, that means you do have [an attachment]! And if you really feel strongly that you have been treated unjustly, then [your attachment] is rather large. (Applause) So shouldn’t you cultivate yourself?” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference”)

I began to look inward while analyzing our conversation, but I could not find where the problem was. No matter who it is, I do not take advantage of other people’s fondness for me to make money. In fact, I avoid such things. 

Then I thought, I should contact that practitioner and explain the situation. If he listens, fine, even if he doesn’t, there is definitely something here that I need to cultivate on. So I sent him a very long text message explaining the nature of my work in China was doing investments, restructuring, mergers and acquisitions, state-owned enterprises mixed reform—so I had some connections.

Some of my connections are multi-billionaires. As well as the work involved in some investment projects, the amount is hundreds of millions of dollars. As I interacted with them, the bosses recognized my character, and trusted me (after all, I once practiced Dafa, and would try to meet Dafa’s standards). There were many private jobs opportunities and people who looked for me to be their proxy holder. 

I explained that this deal, I would not do. My husband knew the whole process of my chat with this boss, so there was even less evidence to support that practitioner’s hostility. However, I told the practitioner that I believe there must be an attachment I needed to eliminate. Otherwise, I wouldn’t feel humiliated after hearing his words—I even thanked him. When that practitioner returned my text, his attitude was more relaxed, and not so aggressive. 

In our conversation, I suddenly flashed back to the morning when the boss approached me to buy the planes and said, “When do you have time for a video chat?” I felt reluctant, but I seemed to have agreed to this matter. I thought that he gave me such a favor, I needed to “repay” him. If he wants to video chat, then we’ll video chat. I suddenly found my attachment! The fellow practitioner was right! I really have this cunning, tightly wrapped heart to make money off of people’s good feelings for me! I really wouldn’t have realized that I had such an impure heart if someone hadn’t spurred me on with such irritating words. 

So, I sent a text message to sincerely thank the fellow practitioner. At this point, he was also embarrassed and apologized to me, saying, “Sorry, it’s been a long time since I spoke to a practitioner in such a straightforward manner, I guess most people can’t take it.” I told him that I understood he talked to me like that because he was anxious for me. I said, “In the future, just pay attention to the way you say things.” The aggression and humiliation in my heart completely disappeared. I could only thank Master endlessly for knocking out my attachment this way. 

Although this practitioner did not give me an answer whether I could do this business or not, I already knew the answer. I refused my old boss. My husband was not happy when he found out, thinking that this is a clear money-making opportunity, why would I refuse it? I told him that I should not do it from any point of view: 1. this is a project of a CCP state-owned enterprise 2. this is a step to help the CCP achieve its globalization ambition 3. as a Dafa disciple, I cannot do something unrighteous. 

The next day, my accountant asked me to come to his office at 11:30 to file my taxes. When I got there, he told me that I had another appointment at 12:00. When it was almost 12:00, I saw the fellow practitioner who had given me a “stick warning” yesterday, and he turned out to be the 12:00 guest. We were both surprised, thinking how could there be such a coincidence. I knew in my heart that this was the chance Master gave us to reconcile. 

So we had lunch together, and during lunch his wife said, “I thought you would ignore him forever.” I said, “How can that be? There should not be gaps between practitioners, and besides, he started from a place of responsibility for his fellow practitioners.” My heart thanked Master again and again for arranging such a special opportunity for us to let go of our differences.

Enduring Humiliation at Work

A fellow practitioner contacted me and told me about a job, describing how good the future prospects of the job were. The boss understood the truth and supported Dafa, and wanted me to submit my resume. I didn’t want to work, but since an opportunity was presented to me, I felt it didn’t hurt to give it a try. 

The interview went well, and I began a three-month probation. The probation pay was 15 dollars an hour based on 4 hours a day. I was told all I had to do was send emails and make calls. I thought it was good that it didn’t take up much time, and although the pay was not much, it didn’t matter.

As it turned out the job was more involved. Since I was the only employee in the store, I had to do all the work. I also had to organize inventory, move goods, move paint buckets, refill paint, move marble, and clean up the site. I often came home with my hair stiff and covered with dust and lime. The boss also often pressured me to do many things that I simply could not do.

Once she sent me a picture and told me to design a poster. I said I couldn’t do it without professional software. She got upset and told me I had to do it! I had no choice, so I thought, I’ll hire someone to do it out of my own pocket. Then she also asked me to translate the introductions of wines imported from Japan, and they had to be very formally and very beautifully written. I told her that this might require a professional translator. She was unhappy to hear this, thinking that I would not do what I was asked to do, and that she paid me for nothing. Then I thought, if she can’t afford to spend money, why don’t I just pay for her to find someone to translate it? After she got the translation, she didn’t even thank me. 

Similar things happened several times. When my family and fellow practitioners found out about it, they asked, “Are you really that poor and desperate for work? It’s only $15 an hour, and you are asked to do all these things. Does she think you are omnipotent? If you were omnipotent, the pay wouldn’t be that low! Why do you still work there?”

In fact, I was very conflicted. The reason I was willing to accept this job with such a low salary was simply because it allowed me to have more contact with Chinese people and clarify the truth to them. This was the only motivation for me to keep working there. But once she asked me to go out to dinner with her, and out of the 10 people at the table, only two of us were women. During the entire dinner I felt very uncomfortable; I had to accompany people for food and drinks with my $15 salary, and I had to listen to the men at the table say frivolous words. It felt very insulting. I felt that those men looked down on me, thinking I was some kind of “casual woman.” Yet during the entirety of the dinner, the words “endure the humiliation” kept surfacing in my mind.

The next day, I talked to my fellow practitioners about it. I honestly didn’t know how I could improve in this kind of environment; it was so humiliating! One practitioner told me about an article written by a practitioner in China who identified her strong ego while being humiliated in a detention center. The fellow practitioner also said that when interacting with people I should just silently do what a Dafa disciple should do. I should strictly discipline myself and remember what I should and shouldn’t say. When they learned that I was a Falun Dafa practitioner, they would be surprised. I looked carefully inward and found that what she said made sense. I did indeed care too much about people having negative opinions about me. My reaction showed I had a very strong sense of self-esteem and a big ego.

When I reached the end of my probation period, I decided to resign. The day I left, the boss criticized me for leaving. Whether it was my fault or not, I understood her from her point of view. I sincerely apologized and thanked her for the growth she had given me from the bottom of my heart. Because I am a Dafa disciple and she knows it, it is even more important for me to remember my image as a practitioner all the time and bring the beauty of Dafa to the world.

Deliverance from Family Difficulties

When conflicts arise at work or when interacting with fellow practitioners, it is easier to look inward, set myself straight in relation to cultivation, improve myself and overcome the difficulties. Besides, they don’t happen every day, and I can choose to avoid them if I really can’t get past them. But the difficulties in my family are inescapable from the moment I open my eyes in the morning. Pass or fail, I have no choice but to go forward.

My husband supports my cultivation, believes in Master and Dafa, and treats fellow practitioners with kindness and respect. The exception is me; he picks on me in every aspect of my daily life.

From the moment I get up early in the morning, I have to start taking care of my three children alone. We leave home just after 8:00 a.m. I drop them off and then pick them up at 2:00 p.m. In the middle of the day, I have to prepare meals, work, Fa study, and work on Dafa projects. I have a lot to do, and I don’t have any time to myself until the kids all go to bed around 10 p.m. I am exhausted by then. 

My husband seldom helps, yet he criticizes me. One moment he says, “The meal does not have both meat and vegetables. Another moment, he says, “What kind of mother are you, why are you like this, why are you like that?” I never hear a good word. As long as he is at home, he just lies on the sofa watching TV, while scolding me and the children. Sometimes I’m really tired, and my heart is also very tired. Every day I live a 16-hour high-intensity labor life. I really want to take a day off—even if it’s just one day that I do not have to take care of the children, do not have to cook or do any housework. That would be so good.

Whenever I mention that I’m really tired and ask if he could pick up the kids for a day, he says, “You say you are a cultivator, but you can’t take any hardship and you only complain! If people like you can practice, how low is Falun Dafa’s standard?!” Whenever he mentions that I am a cultivator, I immediately shut my mouth and hold my tongue. 

But the requirements of cultivation are not always the same. When my husband criticized me, I didn’t answer back. I was silently looking inward. Then he yelled at me for being deaf and not responding. One time in the car, he kept saying things to irritate me and insult me. I desperately gritted my teeth and looked out the window to keep the tears from falling because I knew that I was going through hardship. I had to eliminate my karma and improve again! 

But it was really hard to hold my breath, and my throat accidentally made a little jerking sound. When my husband heard it, he immediately turned the music in the car to the loudest volume and scolded me. At that point, I felt like my heart was about to explode! I could barely grit my teeth. I wanted to bawl my eyes out. But I did not, because I knew in my heart that it happened to help me improve! 

I remembered what Master said, 

“If you can manage to handle things calmly no matter how wronged you may feel, if you can remain unmoved and not try to come up with some kind of excuse for yourself, then with many things you won’t even need to argue. That’s because on your path of cultivation there is nothing that is by chance. So, when you get into a heated exchange and it stirs things up in you, or you get into a conflict over something that concerns your vital interests, perhaps the factors behind it were put there by Master. Maybe you only get upset when it’s a case of someone saying something that really provokes you or hits a sore spot. And maybe the person really did treat you wrongfully. But, those words weren’t necessarily said by that person. Perhaps they were said by me. (Everyone laughs) I want to see how you handle things at the time. When you butt heads with that person, it actually equates to butting heads with me.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)

I said to Master in my heart, “Thank you, Master, for giving me the opportunity to improve myself. I will definitely pass the test!” Then I saw a vision in my mind of beings in a heavenly world, kneeling, praying, hoping that their king would pass through the tribulations and improve. So with tears in my eyes, I cried out in my heart: “Don’t worry! I will overcome it! For your sake, I will surely overcome it!” At that moment, my heart, which was so aggrieved, uncomfortable and uncontrollable, was relieved, and my tears stopped flowing instantly.

Some time ago, the grass in my yard needed to be completely removed and re-seeded. It was a big project. A fellow practitioner knew about it and volunteered to come and help. My husband was inside playing with his phone. I felt bad, since the practitioner was helping us with the lawn despite his old age. I asked my husband to come out and help. Instead of helping, he took me outside and said, “You should do it! Why can’t you bear the suffering? You should suffer more!”

He threw me a hoe and stood by with our kid in his arms watching me work. I was really angry, and thought to myself, “Is he still a man? He has no sense of responsibility! He lays around all day long looking at his phone. His wife has to do everything for him, and he also spends his wife’s money. I gave birth to his three sons, yet he did not have a word of thanks. He never loved or cared for his wife or children! He scolds me every day.” The more I thought about it, the angrier I became! I was so angry that I really wanted to throw the hoe down and quit! I didn't want to live with this kind of person another day!

When the fellow practitioner saw that I couldn’t pass this tribulation, he smiled and quietly said, “Oh, isn’t this a good thing? I can’t even find suffering now, yet this suffering is automatically sent to your door, giving you virtue! Isn’t everything that happens to a practitioner a good thing?” 

I gradually calmed down and stopped complaining. I told myself to shut up, stop complaining about my husband and get to work. As I worked, I suddenly laughed out loud. Because I always think of Master’s words when I encounter conflicts. Master said, 

“As you know, in spiritual practice one is supposed to become “free of omissions.” If you have an omission, will they let you go to Heaven?” (“Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference”) 

I felt that I probably didn’t suffer enough physically in my earlier life. No matter how much I think I suffer now and how many difficulties I have gone through, that is just what I think. Maybe my karma is not even proportional to that little bit I have endured. I ask myself, if there is an omission and I don’t make up for it, how can I achieve the state of Buddha or Bodhisattva. Every time I think of the words “free of omissions”, I rekindle my confidence to practice--that’s the goal I want to reach!

At the end of the day I admitted my mistake to my husband, and he asked me where I was wrong. I had to explain to him about every attachment, wherever I was wrong. His request to me was to be “free of omissions”, with loopholes that could be overlooked. I needed to eliminate every attachment! I am really thankful to Master. In order to make His disciple elevate, Master arranged for a husband like this to be beside me. He’s like the whip that whips the spinning top. It whips me every moment, does not allow me to slack off, and does not allow me to jump out of the state of cultivation.

As I write this, I can’t help but shed tears of gratitude. When I think back to all the seemingly unreasonable requests and challenges that my husband made to me in the past year, they were actually arranged for my cultivation and improvement until I was free of omissions.

In fact, since I have been practicing, I often dreamed that I went to various dimensions with my husband, and each time we have appeared as teammates, with me as the main offense and him as the main defense. I have also dreamed of the two of us rushing together toward the glorious and incomparable sky above the universe, kneeling at Master’s feet and listening to the Fa. Some time ago I dreamed that I was sailing on the largest cruise ship in the world, and the earth seemed so small that I sailed around the globe in ten minutes. On the return trip, the captain got off the ship and told me that he (my husband) had been given the helm for the return trip and that he would take me back.

In fact, people are really living in an illusion; we really don’t know what kind of sacred vows we made in the past to obtain Dafa. It could be to become a family and help each other succeed, or to become friends to encourage each other, or to become fellow practitioners, or even to be enemies. Perhaps the ones who are now in a conflict or in a strong relationship with us are long-established arrangements, and this is their mission - to enable Dafa disciples to succeed in their cultivation. 

Master said, 

“Dafa disciples are not the only ones who signed a contract with Master upon coming to this world; all people and lives who came to this world and Gods who descended from heavens have contracts with me.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2016 New York Fa Conference”)

Looking back on this year, I have accomplished a lot, because as Master said, 

“I say that because during the journey you will have hardships, tests of every sort, unforeseen ordeals, and you will have unexpected interference from all kinds of attachments and emotion. The interference will come from family, society, good friends, and even fellow cultivators. And along with this there is interference from changes in the state of human society and from human notions that were formed in society. All of those things can drag you back to being like an ordinary person. But if you can break through all of it, you can advance towards godhood.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. VII) 

So all my experiences this year helped me to think rationally about what cultivation is and to really practice it. I used to think that the cultivating to consummation seemed to be an unattainable thing. Now I am really at peace with myself and realize that as long as I have faith in cultivation, listen to Master’s words and do as Master says, everything will go well.

Afterword: 

As I finished writing this article, I was able to truly let go of the resentment I harbored towards my husband. I began to do as he asked without any resentment and patiently completed the tasks he needed me to do within the family. 

Within these two weeks, my time has become increasingly compressed, almost to the point where I have no time for Fa study and participating in projects. I began to feel that something wasn’t right. One night I wept silently and thought, when will these kinds of days come to an end?

A few days later, my husband said some things that really hurt me. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I stood in front of Master’s portrait and said, “Master, I don’t believe I have this much karma, so much that I have to be paying for it every moment. I am slow-witted and cannot understand where I have made a mistake. Please enlighten me.” The word “incessantly” suddenly popped up in my mind. I thought, it’s true, since I’ve already let go of my resentment towards him, why are these situations still happening incessantly?

The next day, I saw a sharing article on Minghui titled: “Some Thoughts on Long-Term Family Tribulations”, where it was mentioned that Master said, 

“When a tribulation arrives, if you, a disciple, can truly maintain an unshakable calm or be determined to meet different requirements at different levels, this should be sufficient for you to pass the test. If it continues endlessly and if there do not exist other problems in your xinxing or conduct, it must be that the evil demons are capitalizing on the weak spots caused by your lack of control. After all, a cultivator is not an ordinary human. So why doesn’t the side of you that is your original nature rectify the Fa?” (“Expounding on the Fa,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

Master also said, 

“We negate even the very emergence of the old forces and everything that they've arranged; we don't even acknowledge their existence. We're fundamentally negating all of their things, and all of, and only, the things you do while negating and getting rid of them is mighty-virtue. It's not that you're cultivating amidst the ordeals they created. Rather, you are to walk your own path well while not acknowledging them, not even acknowledging the elimination of their ordeals' manifestations. (Applause) So looking at it from this angle, what we need to do is completely negate the old forces. Dafa disciples and I don't even acknowledge the manifestations of their last-ditch efforts.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IV)

That was when I realized that everything I encountered after letting go of my attachments was persecution from the old forces. From the time I obtained the Fa until now, I never really understood what the old forces’ persecution was. This entire time I thought everything I encountered was because I had a large amount of karma and I had to pay it back. However, after experiencing the events of the past few weeks, I truly understood that it was time to treat these tribulations from the perspective of Fa-rectification, and not from the narrow perspective of endlessly recognizing it as my own karma being too big and having to eliminate it. I had to stop being a pushover and stop allowing my husband to neglect his responsibilities in the family, which was, in turn, keeping him from eliminating karma. If he kept living so comfortably, wouldn’t he eventually end up in hell?

When I changed my notions, my husband really changed. He started picking up the kids every day. He also weeded the yard on his own initiative. This is the first time he weeded the yard since we bought the weed eater a year ago. He also quit smoking after more than ten years. He has not smoked for more than two months now. He stopped sleeping in. He gets up early every day and works hard. I am greeted with a smile every day and he hardly scolds me anymore. And I also started to have enough time to do whatever I want to do.

Seeing all these changes, I feel like happiness has come so suddenly, like the sweetness that comes after bitterness.

Thank you, Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!

(Presented at the 2021 Canada Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference)