(Clearwisdom.net) This year I was finally able to get onto the Minghui (Chinese version of Clearwisdom) website. During the past two months, I have been reading the articles on the website. I sometimes downloaded for my son some radio programs for young practitioners from Minghui Radio. I also downloaded stories and novels and "Minghui Weekly" for him.
Today I read an article titled "Help: How to Help Former Young Practitioners." I was deeply touched. My situation is very similar. My son is now 15 years old. Recalling something that happened the other day, I felt that I should share the experience with fellow practitioners. Please point out anything inappropriate.
This year, school was out for three days during the Moon Festival. I felt I should take full advantage of the time to help my son study the Fa and correct errors in his movements when he did the exercises. The morning of the first day, we watched Master's video "Teaching the Fa to Australian Falun Dafa Practitioners." In the afternoon, we went to my mother's home to visit. After we returned, my son read Minghui Weekly on his U Drive. I studied the Fa. The day passed peacefully.
In the morning on the second day, while we were watching Master's exercise teaching video, I noticed that my son was not paying attention. I kept reminding him. Finally I asked him to follow Master to do the exercises so I could correct any movement that was not accurate, but he was very reluctant to comply. When he did the fourth exercise, his movements were completely wrong and too fast. When I pointed this out to him, he even argued with me. I could not stand it and blamed him, "Why are you so impolite? I am your mother. You should respect me. Even if it were someone your age helping to correct you, you should appreciate it." His attitude upset me. I said, "It's up to you whether you want to learn or not."
I turned around and walked away, but I could not calm down. Right then, my son came to me and wanted to talk about it. I thought he was going to apologize, but his comments surprised me greatly.
He said, "I never wanted to study the Fa and practice the exercises. It was you who forced me to do it because you think it is good. You read it day and night, and you might not feel it is boring, but I'm not the same. I have my friends. I have my own interests. I will read it when I want to read it. When I don't want to read it and you force me to, I can't maintain my focus. What's the point of reading then? When I want to practice the exercises, I will do it. When I do not feel like it and you force me to, it is no use because I cannot focus. This Gong, in my opinion, other than it can help improve health and raise one's moral standard, I do not see any other significant benefits." (He was referring to my being detained, sent to a forced labor camp, and our having zero income.)
He continued, "My classmates' parents let their kids play computer games all day as long as they are done with their homework. Some parents even encourage them to play games. When I visit my classmates' homes, I notice that they are all better than ours. When I went out, you always reminded me that I should be careful and stay safe. In fact, to me, that meant nothing. I thought about committing suicide many times. I did not do it because I thought of my friends. I am not even afraid of death. What do I care about safety?"
I then realized that I was only worried about venting my own feelings and never thought of his feelings and the level of his endurance. I was so selfish! In the past nine years, the evil persecution has undoubtedly had an enormously traumatic effect on his innocent young mind. I have been arrested and sent to forced labor camp many times. Our home has been ransacked many times. The last time, I was arrested when my son and I went to distribute and post truth-clarification materials. He was affected by this as well. The police threatened him and recorded his statements. Because he was young (13), he was released. His classmates and their parents could not understand this. They laughed at him. At school, his schoolmates even pushed him in front of a board with slogans that defamed Dafa. Everybody laughed at him. My son never mentioned a word to me about this. He endured it himself in silence. One of his classmates told me about it when I was released seven days after I had served my full term in the forced labor camp. While I was being persecuted, guards from the labor camp kept calling him to harass him and to try to coerce him into making a statement. The past nine years of persecution is not something a normal child could endure. However, he was able to survive because the Fa is in his heart.
My son obtained the Fa when he was three. The seed of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance was deeply rooted in his heart. Although there are areas in which my son can improve, he has done better that I in many areas. When facing conflicts, I put the blame on others. Others seem to cultivate well, so what impact does blaming others have on me? I felt ashamed. I let Master down on this. I cannot destroy Master's young disciple because of my own attachments.
(To be continued)
