(Minghui.org) A recent conflict in my area exposed my attachment to jealousy. I was able to identify it and address this cultivation issue. With help and encouragement from fellow practitioners, I have written down my experience to share it with everyone.
Since I live in a remote village, I do not have contact with many practitioners. I study the Fa with about five others. For a long time, our understanding remained perceptual. We didn't know how to improve.
The situation changed in the spring of 2013. Two practitioners from out of town came to visit us. They stayed at my home and shared their understandings and experiences, which helped us see how we could understand the Fa based on the Fa. We improved quickly. Local practitioners were very happy to have them here. Yet conflicts soon arose.
Master said in “Digging Out the Roots” from Essentials for Further Advancement:
“During your cultivation practice, I will use every means to expose all of your attachments and dig them out at their roots.”
One visiting practitioner was financially challenged. He inquired about staying and getting a job. All the other local practitioners thought it was a good idea, but I simply said, “Let’s wait and see.”
Another practitioner later asked me in private if I really wanted to have him stay. Honestly, I didn’t want him to, but I was afraid of admitting it. So I just said again, “Let’s wait and see.”
This summer, the two practitioners came to our area again in response to an invitation from other local practitioners. Their visit brought me a big tribulation.
My jealousy was hit hard: “They are jeopardizing my authority. Other practitioners used to come to my home for group Fa study, but now we all go to their place to study the Fa.”
I felt especially bitter about the practitioner who needed a job: “He took practitioners away from me. Yet he said he had come for me and asked me to help him find a job.”
I felt very uneasy. I heard through grapevine that other practitioners also said many bad things about me to the two practitioners, and they, in turn, formed negative thoughts against me. Three days later, they left without saying goodbye.
I was shocked by their departure. I looked within and searched inward deeply. I realized that my jealousy created the problem. From studying Master’s lectures, I understood that the divine mindset is enormous, encompassing compassion and thinking of others.
But what I had thought of first was my own feelings, my own authority, and making sure that others were following me. I felt so sorry that I still had those selfish and dirty human attachments after cultivating for so many years.
When the two practitioners who helped me improve in cultivation ran into difficulties, I, for my own selfish sake, did not want to help them. I even drove them away on their second visit. I could feel their pain.
Jealousy is so harmful; I had to get rid of it. I needed to rectify myself on the Fa, form one body with other practitioners, and eliminate any gaps.
After I came to this realization, I called them to apologize and ask them to come back. We shared over the phone. Their generosity and clear understandings on the Fa made me further realize my gap in cultivation. My xinxing was elevated.
I have learned to use the magic tool that Master gave us: Looking within. This is my first submission to Minghui. Please point out anything inappropriate.
Category: Improving Oneself
