(Minghui.org) Several months ago I had two similar dreams around the same time. In the first dream, I was a teacher preparing for a lab class with students. But when I ran through the experiment myself before the class, I had a lot of trouble with it. And when I went up to the podium to teach it, I felt nervous because I wasn't really prepared. In the second dream, I was teaching a theoretical course. When I looked at my teaching notes, I wasn't too clear about what I was going to say because I wasn't well prepared. So I again felt quite nervous.
In reality, I am a retired college teacher and was always well prepared. I never had such experiences in my career. So these dreams must have been hints for me. Since I dreamed them so close together, I thought there must be something urgent and serious that I needed to be aware of.
In the dreams, I felt that I could not give a good lecture because I wasn’t prepared well. Basically, I did not fully grasp what I needed to talk about and only understood it superficially. It didn’t become something that was my own.
The dreams prompted me to examine my cultivation. Am I assimilating to Dafa and trying to become one with Dafa? Or am I only following Dafa and abiding by it on the surface? If I’m simply using the Fa to discipline myself, but in my heart I’m still holding tight to human things, that would not be true cultivation, and I would not be truly assimilating to Dafa. Only when I look within unconditionally, let go of the attachments deep in my heart, and completely change myself according to Dafa, can I continue to reach the standards of the Fa at different levels. And that would be truly assimilating to Dafa.
What does abiding by Dafa mean, and what does assimilating to Dafa encompass? As I walk the path of cultivation, this has been something that I have constantly thought about. The two dreams were one instance of insight. Then, while sitting in meditation one morning, I felt that there were micro particles all around me, and suddenly my body was dissolved in them and there was no difference between me and the other particles. I was just one of the particles. Then the two words “becoming one (with Dafa)” were displayed in my mind. Tears filled my eyes, and I was so thankful.
Three months ago I invited a fellow practitioner to my home to live with me for a while. She is a older relative of mine. She had been experiencing a health problem with her leg for quite a while. I wanted to help and was hoping that our combined energy field would help her make a breakthrough.
Living together meant that both her xinxing and my xinxing would be exposed. My xinxing was indeed exposed! Whenever she didn’t view her leg issues based on the Fa (according to my understanding), and instead wanted to treat it using ordinary methods, such as focusing on nutrition, getting more physical exercise, getting more sunshine, etc., I had a very strong feeling against her approach. I tried to share with her based on the Fa, but she often completely disagreed with me. Sometimes I even felt that she purposely misinterpreted my intent. Each sharing felt like a confrontation, and each time, I had to force myself to pause the sharing; both of us were angry. The sharing wasn't effective, and it made me feel depressed and helpless. A gap formed between us.
I clearly knew that my state was not correct. I looked inside myself again and again, and I saw many issues. I found that I used a very forceful attitude when I shared with her, and I didn't have compassion, or forbearance. I was so confident that I was correct, and all I wanted was to change her. Sometimes I felt that I was only doing it for her good, but she wouldn't listen. Then I felt resentment towards her and didn't want to talk to her anymore. I became cold, resentful, and just wanted to fight over things to prove I was correct. Aren't all of these feelings and behaviors the “resentment” often seen in the Communist Party culture?
She was also studying the Fa, and her understanding would determine the way she did things. It must also have been very painful for her to not be able to break through that health issue. Knowing this, I should be even more understanding and considerate of her. How could I just want her to accept my understanding? I realized that when I looked at her with a blaming mentality, I was actually doing nothing but hurting her. I cried. I told myself, “I must accept and respect her choice. I must be compassionate, understanding, and forgiving.” So I went to her and said to her with tears still in my eyes, “It was my problem. I'm sorry.”
My simply realizing the issues didn't mean that I would be able to do well. Later on, we continued to have this kind of confrontation every couple of days. I knew how I should behave based on the Fa, and I wanted to be compassionate and understanding. However, I reached a certain point each time where I felt suffocated by my anger and just exploded. I was also very irritated for not being able to control myself and for not being able to pass the tribulation. I really wanted to do well, but her words and actions were attacking the limits of how much I could endure.
At that point I wondered, “What should I do?” Feeling so hopeless and without a solution, I asked Master to give me a hint. Then I remembered that Master said,
“You should always maintain a heart of compassion and kindness. Then, when you run into a problem, you will be able to do well because it gives you room to buffer the confrontation.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I got out Zhuan Falun and read this paragraph very carefully:
“As practitioners, you will suddenly come across conflicts. What should you do? You should always maintain a heart of compassion and kindness. Then, when you run into a problem, you will be able to do well because it gives you room to buffer the confrontation. You should always be benevolent and kind to others, and consider others when doing anything. Whenever you encounter a problem, you should first consider whether others can put up with this matter or if it will hurt anyone. In doing so, there will not be any problems. Therefore, in cultivation practice you should follow a higher and higher standard for yourself.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I felt that I suddenly saw the light. I knew why I exploded again and again and could not restrain my anger. I also knew what I should do from then on. I felt that I was finally about to get through that tribulation and get up to the next step.
When we are focusing on what the other person is doing, and yet we want to be forgiving, the volume of our heart will have a limit. So whenever the conflict is greater than our limit, we will explode. It's as if we continue to add water to a small tank, the water will eventually exceed the capacity and flow out. What we then need to do is to replace it with a larger container.
Again, looking at that “limit” of my forbearance, what was it really? Examining my cultivation path, I felt that whatever I did, there was always a “limit” or “bottom-line.” So many times I could not do things with a completely pure heart because I had some reservations. Where the limit wasn't hit, I was able to do well, but whenever the limit was touched, I would not have righteous thoughts and couldn't do well. As I continued to cultivate and improve, the “bottom-line” backed off little by little.
What were the reservations? What was this “bottom-line” trying to protect? What was so afraid of being touched? As it gradually got exposed, I saw that it was a strong “self,” or a “selfish self.” It did not want to be touched and really protected itself. My notions were protecting it. My attachments were nourishing it and making it content. This “self” was the biggest obstacle that kept me from believing 100 percent in Master and the Fa, and from completely becoming one with Dafa. It was not really me. What I want is a “self for others,” not this “selfish self.” I still remember when I had this thought, I was in the middle of Fa study, and I clearly felt that a part deep within my being was poked.
I warned myself not to focus on what the fellow practitioner was doing. Instead, with a compassionate and kind heart, I wanted to unconditionally look within, cultivate myself, assimilate to Dafa little by little by little, and become a being for others. I felt that when my energy field was becoming more kind, the people and things in that environment were also changing accordingly.
I told myself that it cannot just be what I say, but it has to come from my true heart. I really don’t want to have those bad things in my mind, and then Master will help me remove them. The more we realize and understand, the more Master will help us eliminate our attachments. This is because,
“…cultivation depends on one’s own efforts while the transformation of gong is done by the master...” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
After that, we will discover that our capacity has expanded, we can endure more, and we are able to treat the insurmountable tribulation with a calm mind.
When I was able to really cultivate myself and not focus on others, I felt that my xinxing had improved and that the previously unsolvable issues had all became non-issues.
Master said,
“Once you upgrade your xinxing, your body will undergo a great change. Upon xinxing improvement, the matter in your body is guaranteed to transform.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
It was indeed like that. The toothache I'd had for several months was immediately gone.
I just went through this experience, and it was so significant that I felt like I became a new person. Everything came from the Fa, and every bit of our improvement had Master’s care and enduring for us. I cannot express in words my deep appreciation and gratitude toward Master. Thank you Master!
Category: Improving Oneself
