(Minghui.org) I was introduced to Falun Dafa when I was 9, and grew up with Dafa in my heart. But after the persecution began in 1999 and my parents were arrested for upholding their faith, I gave it up. However, after watching the Shen Yun show in March of 2019, I made up my mind to return to cultivation. With help from Master and other practitioners, I was able to make it.
Growing up with Dafa in My Heart
I began to practice Dafa following my parents' footsteps when I was in third grade. I studied the Fa and did the exercises everyday with them, which built up the foundation for my future cultivation. My parents were detained after the persecution of Falun Dafa started in 1999, so I stopped studying the Fa and doing the exercises. But I still remained steadfast faith in Dafa, and Dafa always stayed implanted in my heart.
As time went by, I grew up and got married. My husband was my classmate in middle school. He knew that my parents practiced Dafa and wasn't against them doing it, but he did not allow me to practice. Without a solid foundation for cultivation, I agreed. I told him that I still believed firmly in Dafa and kept it in my heart. He was fine with it as long as I did not practice it. He was nice to me and took care of me, and so were his parents. A few years passed by quickly like that.
During the first few years of our marriage, I sometime studied Master's new articles with my parents, read experience sharing articles on the Minghui website and helped them with some truth-clarification work. I also like to read stories about traditional culture and Milarepa's cultivation stories.
Because I had learned Dafa's principles since I was little, I remembered them as I grew up, especially Master's words:
“We know that we won’t be deprived of what is rightfully ours, and shouldn’t labor to get what is not.” (The Seventh Talk, Zhuan Falun)
Because of that, I developed an easygoing personality and didn't fight for personal gain. I did not have any strong hobbies, but I did like to be close to Dafa. Because of my attachment to fear and the pressure from my husband, I was unable to truly cultivate. I used every opportunity to tell my husband about Dafa and its wonderfulness. However, he did not believe what I said due to the long-term poisoning from the propaganda by Chinese Communist Party. Our conversations about this always ended badly.
Watching Shen Yun
Our family moved to Vancouver, Canada at the end of 2018 and began a new life. I heard that Shen Yun Performing Arts was coming to Vancouver in March of 2019. I was so excited, and I wanted to bring my family to the show. However, my husband did not want to go. Moreover, he did not allow me or our child to go either.
This time, I refused to give in. One of the motivations for me to move to Vancouver from the small city we lived was to watch Shen Yun shows. I asked him not to restrict my freedom. After seeing my strong stance, he let me go by myself.
I knew that Shen Yun shows were formal, so I paid special attention to my attire. I wore my best dress even though March in Vancouver was still cold. When I sat in my seat waiting for the show to begin, I felt wonderful. I was also grateful to finally have this opportunity.
When the curtain opened, I was amazed by the beautiful scene and my eyes were immediately full of tears. My whole body felt so comfortable during the show, which reminded me of the “sitting inside an eggshell” feeling that Master talked about in the Eighth Talk of Zhuan Falun.
My body was warm. I shed tears a few times during the show and the feeling was indescribable. I saw that the lady next to me also wiped away her tears a few times.
Overcoming Tribulations to Return to Cultivation
During the first month after the show, I often had similar dreams in which I lived in a disgusting place. The nauseating feeling was so bad that it woke me up twice. I knew that Master was hinting at me cultivate and leave this filthy human world. But I knew that my husband would strongly oppose it, and I did not have enough courage to do it. I felt miserable.
I recalled that a practitioner lived close by, even though I never had the chance to contact her. At the beginning of May, I gathered up my courage and called her for her advice. She was really kind and introduced me to another practitioner who had gone through similar problems. She also advised me to study the Fa.
I began to study the Fa on the internet behind my husband's back. My righteous thoughts became stronger. I also talked with the practitioner that I was introduced to. Her story touched and encouraged me. My fear gradually disappeared. I tried to find more time to study the Fa and do the exercises everyday.
A big test came after a week. My husband found out that I was in touch with practitioners and asked me to stop. I kept calm and firm. I told him how I felt, but he refused to accept it. He did realize how determined I was.
The tension between us lasted two days and three nights. During this period, I did not back off and still studied the Fa and did the exercises. He cried a couple of times but I always told him kindly the reasons for my choice. Finally, he told me that he made the decision: I should leave our home without our child. He would invite his parents to come from China to take care of our child.
I objected immediately. I knew that I would not give up my family for cultivation, no matter how hard he made it on me. Doing so would not conform with Dafa. The other practitioners had advised me to be a good wife and mother in order to harmonize myself with the Fa.
I strongly opposed him and told him that his ideas did not have any legal basis; I had the right to pursue my belief. He cried again. However, he eventually relented and allowed me to practice Dafa, but asked me not to do it in front of him and our child.
To avoid irritating him again, I agreed. But I regretted that I agreed too easily. Since then, I had a cultivation environment at home. I no longer needed to hide when studying the Fa and exercising. I was very grateful to Master and for other practitioners' help.
I dared not to slack off on my cultivation since it took me so much effort to get here. I did all five exercises in the morning. Whenever I slacked off, interference would happen.
Master told us:
“Your path is, and I think you've all seen this now, actually very narrow. If you deviate just a little bit you won't measure up to the standard of a Dafa disciple.” (“Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. III)
I had tests every day, some big, some small. One day, my husband had some alcohol and began to say hurtful things to me after he learned that I went to a practitioner's home that day. I kindly explained my situation to him but he kept talking, even threatening to drive me out of my home without a cent to my name. I told him: I never said that I would have Dafa without my family. He laughed. He did not say much more since he saw my determination. I knew that I passed the test that day.
There were small tests almost everyday. I never wavered and was determined to cultivate to the end. I studied the Fa every day and understood more Fa principles. I felt that Master protected me every day and encouraged me; I often could not help having tears in my eyes while reading the Fa. I thanked Master for giving me the opportunity to be a practitioner.
My cultivation environment became better and better – now, I am also doing some truth-clarification work. One practitioner also praised me for doing well. I knew that was Master's encouragement. I will continue to do the three things well and strive in cultivating my xinxing so as to do well in Fa-rectification.
I am sharing my story to encourage others who might also be thinking of returning to cultivation. Master will help us when we stay determined. I could have never imagined that I would be able to handle all these obstacles and resume my cultivation. Besides, I did not lose anything along the way except for my attachments.
